We are cheelleen'

Once Upon a Time in the new Midwest

aka Red Hook, Brooklyn:

Hank: Put wiggle in it, Mildred, let's see what these two humans behind the wire want.

Mildred: Hank, I was just about to lay an egg in that nice little inner tube back there...But you know best, dear.

Blackie: You tell that cat, Mildred! "Kiss her tailfeathers, Felix!" Go on, git!

Felix: Freeckeen' yomped up peegeons. Where do they think they are? The Meedwest? Thees soil is full of lead, ladies. You're een Brookleen, hellooooo? An' I lighe my chicken fried.

Hank: That's a chicken bone Mildred. Don't! ...Where's Blackie?

Blackie: I'm right behind you folks...

Felix II: Heeere, cheecky cheeecky.

Mildred: Hm...Where were we going again, dear?

Hank: Mmmhmmmmmm...Yum cockroach legs, hm mmmmmpeck.

Felix III: Hey, Felix?!

Felix II: Yes, Felix?

Felix III: Call that mamacita ober here.

Felix II: I already deed. She's cormeen'...

Felix II: SWIPE! Sheet! Meessed!!!

Blackie: la-la-la-laaaa

Mildred: Huh?

Hank: Doh!

Felix II: Forgheen' cheeckens. Why are they so beeg? They are carntameenaded mutants. Go sweem een the Gowanus!

Felix II: Eberytheen' corms to he who stands an' waids. Or sormtheen'...I swear thees cheeckens are Repobleecans.

Hank: Blackie, where's Mildred?

Blackie: Your guess is as good as mine, Hank, dear.

Hank: where were we going again?

Spa day

I weel be bag. I yam resteen' an' cleanseen'...The yoomans storffed me como un Thanksgeebeen' torkey. Teedbeets ob smoghe' Ireesh salmon. Botter. Creme fraiche. Raw beef. Fullcream meelk.

An' chaseen' streeng, chaseen' reebon, chaseen' the Man/Jefe, whom I beet onetime preedy hard.

They try to maghe me dreenk redwine. I deed nard.

I pretended to deesappear before the deenner party. They wore berworried. Their soup gard cold while they sorched. Especially the Jefe. Then they foun' me asleep arn the Wooman's chair onder the Damask leenen table clarth. Then they ade their sopa.

Manana: a story abou' cheeckens.

I need res'.

I got mail!

Frarm Cape Town...frarm H-h-huwi an' Trebor.

Guinea fowl feath-hairs.

Many!!!!

I yam dronk...

I yam happy.

Muchas gracias, hermanos! - an' also to your own Wooman, who ees flyeen' south to leab weeth the sheep, the mountains an' the opossums...x

Work oud!

Letter frarm Cape Town Kehdi

deer don esboi, this is mee the small bleckfootedefricancat.

i am feeling mush bettah. i went to my doc men this week end he gave mee an injecshun, put stuff in mi eyes and gave me a peddicure. he showed my mom wun of mi claws. it was verrrry long end bent over end lukked like a hoek end he sed it was stikking into mi fut. if he hed asked me i culd hav told him thet. mi mom is sumtimes stupid b ut i no thet she tride to cut them end i bit. he did mi bruther too end we are both verrrry heppy end mi mom ses she is "devastated" watever thet is.

today i went outside end i went scratchascratchascratch on the dor met like yu do end i felt good. mimom told him thet she dusnt give me hart pills enny mor becos they taste bed end i wont eet mi food end my doc men sed thet is ok end told her she is a sensibble pet owner. but wat do u think about the claws? in the gaaden ther is a cukcukcuk berd end mi mom is verrry heppy becos ther artoo end maybe they will make a house but she is wurried thet they will eet her robins.

i hev to stop now becos she ses she must cleen up the kittchin end then make more mess to cuk

lots of purrrrrs end luv don es etc etc etc (i lernt thet end it is useful)

Kehdi Villon xxx

Senor Don Gato - no, nard me.

Photo: Gowanus Lounge

Sarmbardy, please, adarpt my compadre here!!! He's so cute. He looghs yos como yo...Eben I want heem!

The secon' halp

Eed started so well. Seetteen' een the son, een the cool Octobhair air...

Then:

She close' the door. I needed the door to be open so I coul' stan een eed, an' go oud, an' corm een an' go oud an' corm een and go oud.

An' corm EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!

Forghe.

The fors' halp ob my day...

Dawn. Hellooooooooooooooo, waghe orp! Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

OK. I yam full. The Wooman says I loogh como a beeg, blag torkey, ready por the oben...

No, reeally, thad ees so deesrespeghdful. Do I call hor a beeg whide torkey?

Wait! I heear sormtheen'! I tell the Wooman, Chegh eed oud!

Eed's yos the neighbours, Storbie, she say. My poin' essactly, I say.

I yam geddeen' eereetadhaird. Why doan' you go to worgh? - I as' the Wooman. Eed's Satorday she say. Sheet, I say, anorder weeken' storck eensi'e weeth you. I weell ged no res'...

The Righds ob Cad

Please to see the Geenger Darleen's blarg por the Declaration of Cad Righds.

Neko y Marzipan, I yam sure your scholarly eyes weell be useful...Hallow een, your weet ees needed, Ikaika, your sense ob Righteousness, Trebor an' H-h-h-uwi, your combined Deeplomacy. Lennie an' Sollie, your Beeg boices...

She paghed hor bags

Read the noticia.

Thad cad when to fine' hor fron' claws...

Compadres

Me and the bull, we go bag a larng way...


He leds me scradge my faze agains' his horns.


Een retorn, I wadge his bag.

We seet an' theenk, side by side...

We talgh abou' our deenners. He says he eads grass. I tell heem I ead pelleds. We agree to deesagree.


Togethair we waid por the Wooman to corm home. We heear hor cormeen' orp the stairs, an' prepare.

The Bell

The Wooman an' Beence makeen' me wear collar...

Worn year ago

Where wor you one year ago today?

I was bein' scoldhaird por reepeen' orp anorder Netflighs enbelope.

I h.a.d.e. Nedflighs. I reep them eento tiny leedle pieces. Eef the Wooman woan' rize ad dawn to feed me I fine' a Nedflighs enbelope an' start to reep eed weeth my teeth: reep, reep, reeeep. She can stan' deed.

ESTORBO! she roars frarm the bedroom.

Quiet. Quiet.

Silence...

Reep.

Reep!

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

Estorbo you %^*^$#ing cad!!!! an' a peellow corms flyeen' frarm the bedroom.

Silence.

Quied as a mouse.

Reep. Reepreeep Reep REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

!*#^$%#^ing cad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An' she ees orp. An' I ged my breakfas'. She go' bag to bed an' collapbse.

Ees so easy.

Lader I corm bag to bed an' wash an' sleeb sorm more. She ged orp, maghe hor coffee an' hartmeelk an' I ged my halb an' halb.

Dayeen, dayoud.

FEESH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Wooman wen' to the Atlanteec' Anteec. Por lighe, 10 meenutes. She no lighe crowds. She was lookeen' por lamb. She deedn't fine' eed.

She foun': feesh.

Nard yos feesh, my feline frien's: sardines.


She bord two, an' broughd them back to the casa. I was asleep. I mean, eed was 2.45 pm?

Then I smelled sormtheen'...

No. I yam strarng. I doan' eben need to loogh ad these feesh.

OK! Ok! I need to loogh ad the feesh! Why are you tagheen' my peecture?

Ged a libe! Pay attention to me: you know I need permission to ead your feesh!!

Oh my gard. Dios mio. I hab nard had fresh-greelled sardines seence yos before I had to leab Leesbon.

Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh!

Peectures