Doan' call me boreen'

Sleepeen' after treep to ved las' weegh.

Call me loco, bod doan' call me boreen,' Ok? Ok.

The Wooman ees sayeen' bad theen's about my parentage. Sormtheen' como "eenbreedeen' " y "defecteeb."

Forgh. I yam nard defecteeb.

Eef you beeseet my Fazebooh page by now you know thad I , Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicanaheearmerooareeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...hab a new y eenteresteen' disease. Bod whad eed ees, we doan' really know.

We do know eed ees nard typhoid [Editor: hyperthyroidism]. Thad was feexed by the kaka-I-doan'-wan'-to-theenk-abou'-deed-radiation las' May, 2013. Si. I know you all remembair thad.

Now, Dr Slade ad VERG say I yam diabeteec. Porquewhy? Porque my fructose lebels are high.

Bod also - because I yam a gato berber' eenteresteen' y unique, I yab ber' enlarge' adrenal glan'. Also my heard ees areethmeec. Also, I am loseen' weighd y nard eadeen: yos many tiny pequeno meals ob steagh, feesh, leeber, treats en agua, yogur', anytheen' the Wooman can maghe me ead. Thees star' ten days ago (the nard-bein'-hongree). I yam yos nard hongry. Ees strange por a diabolic [Editor: diabetic!] cad, whad ees usually a beeg fad peeg. I yam gedeen' theen. ALSO, my bag legs are pequeno warbly y now my fron' legs are loogheen' fonny ad the wreests when I stand orp straighd. They ben'! The Wooman say maybe thees ees Feline Diabetic Neuropathy. Forgh.

Now I yab forgheen' STEBS to help me clime!

Whad. The. Forghe?

So whaddarewegonna do?

Dr Slade say we mos corm een again for lesson ob eensuleen' eenjections. I yam habeen fear for thees. Anorder treep to Brookleen, all een worn weegh. Ad leas' I can trabel een the new, attracteeb florffy barx (see whad happen to the ole'one! Forgheen' onnatractteeb grey barx) The Smoothman y the Wooman steeckeen' needles een me. Por whad?

Whad deed I do to desorb thees?

Eed's libe say the Wooman, Sometime' libe is berber' sheetty, y eed owes you no essplanation.

Bod today try to essplain to you.

Cadge your own mouse

Ees sayeen' the Wooman to me, Estorbo, we hab un pequeno mouse problem.

Y she loogh ad me.

Mouse, I say. Whad ees "mouse?"

Small forry creature onder de floor, she say.

So? I say.

Also onder the freedge, she say.

Oh, I say, Si, I hear' scratcheen' noise onder the freedge. Eed corm frarm downstairs through hole. Ees many holes onder the floor.

Whadebber, she say. Can you cadge eed?

Me? No.

...

Como? She say. You are a cad!

Forgheen' Einstein, I say.

You mos' cadge eed!

No forgheen' way, I say. Mouse ees dordy, eed no wash eeds feed. I ged forr een my mouth.  Kaka.

You are FIRE! she says.

Bide me, I say.

Bod I maghe carmpramise, I say: Whad eef I geeb you muy especial, muy rico, muy sabroso peanod bodhair por trab?

...Blordy cad, she say.

Ged ober eed, I say. I yam retire'.

Team player

Go, Bokke. I steel lorb you.