Gracias

...to Alexa por holdeen' my paw las' nigh' por my las' minutos arn Fazeboogh, wheech ees now dead. ' Also, she has berber' goo' Spaneesh aghsen' - I hope she leebs carments here more, so you can see ead ...

I enjoy Social Networgh por a larng time, an' foun' nice frien's, bod as I tole hor, sormtimes you lorn too moch abou' yoomans thad you deed nard wan' to know. Ees deesappointeen'. Sigh. So now I steeck to my blarg. Ees lighe leeabeen' weeth my head een the san'...Nice and dark and warm, weeth pelleds.

Please doan' tell the Wooman I keell' Fazeboogh (ees OK, she nebber reads my blarg, well, hardly ebber). She said she was goeen' to leab bicariously through me.

Now she weell hab to ged a libe.

Dayeen, dayoud

Was a ber' beesy weegh. Was nice weathair so I sad arn the roop an' honted peegeons. I looghed por the raccoon. I sharpen' my claws een case I see the bastardo. I weell keell heem.

Then I was ber' hongree, so I stole sorm sausages. The wooman was angry. BADCAD!

I was so stress' by the screameen' thad I yad to taghe a nab. Then the Smoothman napped too. Hees head ees weigheen' a lard. My eensides ees squashed.

More stress. The Ladycad came an' sang songs to me through the weendow. I hade hor.

So I had to resd a beet more. Wooman, why you taghe peecture when I yam tryeen' to be privade? Go. Ay. Way.

Was so essiteen'! I foun' a ped! Beeg, beeg ant. I wadged eed all day. Then the man put my ped arn the roof. I cry. So cruel.

Sheet. I ged a new war drobe. For sommer. I loogh reedeeculous.

Maybe I can go to Arxpord Uneeberseedy now? I woul' lighe to be arn the roween' team. I yam ballast.

Yes, I know whad thad ees.

I taghe anorder res'. The new clothes maghe me crazee.

The Wooman says I loogh like a bat.

I tell hor I yam Vampire. She say she know thad already.

We hab dreenks and nachos arn the terrace. I lighe tortilla cheeps weeth spicy salsa.

Also beer.

Eed maghe me dronk, onmanageable and 'rowdy'.

Yos kiddeen'...

Now I mos go. Ees time to essplain thad eed ees WORN hour pas' my deener time.

My boogh

Was arribeen' a packayge por me! Frarm Neko y Marzi y Neil een Areezona (thank gard I'm nard Mexican...). Graciaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas! Eeeeeeep.

Eed was a boogh...full ob cads. Eenside eed say thees ees por the Smoothman to read weeth me, so I no bide heem no mas.

I decide to read alone. I doan' wan' to brainwaszh the Smoothman. He ees so nice to bide. His blord ees so preedy an' red.

Many cads eenside. Only worn blag cad, arn a broomsteeck. I call theese racial profileen'.

The boogh ees also muy confortable.

Maybe I led heem read eed weeth me.

Bod fors I mos' diges' all thees eenformation....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

My coad

I think I prefair thees coad for sommer.

The Wooman says she ees goeen' to taghe me to the v.e.d. eef I do nard change my ways. She tells me she ees "seeck of" my leeckeen'.

No leecky-leecky! - she says.

I say, Doan' speaghe peegeeon Eengleesh to me! I yam a man!

She looghs ad me.

I loogh ad hor.

I say....Th.

Deets.

Photo: Deets, by Linda Carson

Thees ees Deets. He leebs arn the 7MSN Ranch. Muchas gracias to Veronica por eentroduceen' me to thees blarg.

Eentrudair!!!!!!! 911!!!!!

Whaaaaaaaa.........???????

Who-whoooooooowwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..........hooowwaaaaaeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhh-h-h-hhhh!

911.

Homeeenbasion!!!!! Corm queeck: NOooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww.

Dargs. Arn my blarg. Again .

Sormtimes the Wooman pushes me beyon' my leemeets.

Estorbo? she says, today.

Ye-e-e-e-s, I say?

I need you to put some peectures ob the dargs een Cape Town arn your blarg.

Oh. I say. Nice yoke.

No, reeally, she says. Teddy was ber' seeck an' I wan' to pose' a peecture ob heem.

So POSE' a picture ob heem, I say, you hab a blarg!

No, she says. I doan' do dargs arn my blarg.

You doan do dargs??? I doan do dargs!!! You pose' them!

No, she says, you hab' to.

Forghe, I say.

Wash your mouth oud cad, or I'll do eed por you.

I'd lighe to see you try, I say.

Estorbo, she says. Hab you realize' how beeg I yam an' how small you are?

Nard reeally.

Well, she says, theenk abou' eed.

Sheet.

Here are the damn dargs.

Ged well s-o-o-o-o-n, Teddy. (He ees the shor' fad one een the meedle.)

Thees was poseded onner duress.

I wan' to speak to my lawyer.