Meals por Me

The Wooman has thees foldhair een hor compudhair, een Peectures: Meals Por Me. Een eed she keebs all peectures ob the food she eads. Lamb, Reesotto, Fruid Salad, Macaroni, Cheeckhen, Salad, Fresh Rolls, Reebs. You weell see. She poots eed arn hor blarg. You know she nebber had a blarg? Then I gard worn an' she gard jealoos?

Anyway: I doan' see no foldhair call' Meals Por Estorbo.

Why?

Because eed woul' loogh como thees: Pelleds. Pelleds. Pelleds. Pelleds. P.e.l.l.e.d.s.

Dayeen, dayoud.

Two weeghs ago the Wooman boughd FULLFAD meelk, Wholemeelk. My Gard. She poot sorm een my saucehair an' I sorked eed orp lighe nobady's beesnees. Thees ees DELEECIOUS, I said. Then she say, Estorbo, thees meelk ees makeen' me fad: eed has 140 calories per corp an' Nofad has 80 calories per corp.

Boo hoo, I said. Drarp an' geeb me feefty.

No, reeally, she said, I'm goeen' bag to Nofad.

Sheet.

Eed toogh me won weegh to dreenk the storf again. Ebery day she pour some meelk afthair my breakfas' and I loogh ad eed. Dreenk, Estorbo, she say. No! I say. Dreenk, she soyyest. NO! I stan' firm. An' I can stan' preedy firm.

This morneen' I saw the meelk barx an' I deed my meelkdance een hope. She poured. NoFad. Bod I drank.

Whaddayagonnado?

I yam theenkeen'

...

My Porr

Beence recorded my porreen' arn Skype, doan' as me how, an' we loaded eed arnto my blarg, een the sidebar. Your computer mighd as' you eef you wan' to download ActiveX sarftware to play ead, an' eed's OK to say Yes! Eed ees queeck.

Eed ees steell espereemen' an' I was nard poree' berbery loudly.

The Resolt ob the Poll

Demarcrassy says thad I shoul' trab the raccoon and free heem.

Bod as our country ob domicile demonstrades, demarcrassy ees a failed espereemen' an' so I say, the resolt ob the poll weell be deesregarded!

The raccoon stays! I stay!

Libe goes arn.

Dayeen. Dayoud.

Where ees my forry had?

Why deed the Wooman poot all thees sheet orp here? I can't ged orp to the roop! I need to cadge the Bandido!

Hellooooooooooo...Bandiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidooooooooooooooooooooooo? I hab some nice....feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh por you.....................................

The Beeg Blag Ved

Today the Wooman came home an' then I hord The Soun'. Before I coul' deesappear she had the Onattracteeb Grey Barx arn the floor an'was pointeen' me ad eed. Lighe a fool I wen' een'. I doan' know why I go een. Then she slam' eed short!

Always ees' lighe thees.

Then she walgh down the stairs, and down the streed an' roun' the cornhair, bomp, bomp, bomp, and I yam sayeen' Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? The Bandido Raccoon deed nard bide me, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? She say, Bairder safe, Storbie, than sari.

Ugh! I said. Bomp, bomp, bomp.

Then I go quied. I can smell the ved.

An' I smell sormetheen' else.... a....d.a.r.g.

A darg whad has pooped een eed's pands arn the floor. Sheet. An' I mean eed. Thad darg. Man. Foooeee!

Dargs: eberbardy togethair now: "WHO. NEEDS. THEM???"

Room Nomber Two.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I waid por Dr Maddox, the beeg blag ved. Hees helper taghes me oud by the scroff ob my negh.

Wow. Says the ved.

Wow ees righd, I theenk. Tremble before the form ob DON Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana!

Thad ees a beeg, blag cad, say the ved.

You can talk, I theenk.

The res', eed goes fas', an' I doan hab time to keell anybardy.

Eenjection for Mad Bandido disease een the bagside. Ow! Ay!

My ears cleaned. Ees thees a spa???

He torn me orpside down an' stroghe my tommy!

I wan' to go HOME! NOW!

Led's weigh heem, he say. He weigh 20 lbs say the Wooman. I wan' to weigh heem on MY scale says the gran' ved.

20 lbs.

Tole' you so, say' the Wooman.

He looghs ber' good, say the ved. Thees weel nebber be a small cad.

Then?

We wen' home.

Tonighd? I fine' thad rad weeth a fancy tail an' faze an' I corm bag weeth a nice had.

Brown mouse

...thees ees my streeng weeth the brown paper mouse. The Wooman says thees ees whad I mos chaze frarm now arn. No more bandidos...




Bod eef she forgheds I weell be arn guard. I know he was after my pelleds. Cronchy, deleecious, golden, dayeen, dayoud pelleds.