Deets.

Photo: Deets, by Linda Carson

Thees ees Deets. He leebs arn the 7MSN Ranch. Muchas gracias to Veronica por eentroduceen' me to thees blarg.

Eentrudair!!!!!!! 911!!!!!

Whaaaaaaaa.........???????

Who-whoooooooowwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..........hooowwaaaaaeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhh-h-h-hhhh!

911.

Homeeenbasion!!!!! Corm queeck: NOooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww.

Dargs. Arn my blarg. Again .

Sormtimes the Wooman pushes me beyon' my leemeets.

Estorbo? she says, today.

Ye-e-e-e-s, I say?

I need you to put some peectures ob the dargs een Cape Town arn your blarg.

Oh. I say. Nice yoke.

No, reeally, she says. Teddy was ber' seeck an' I wan' to pose' a peecture ob heem.

So POSE' a picture ob heem, I say, you hab a blarg!

No, she says. I doan' do dargs arn my blarg.

You doan do dargs??? I doan do dargs!!! You pose' them!

No, she says, you hab' to.

Forghe, I say.

Wash your mouth oud cad, or I'll do eed por you.

I'd lighe to see you try, I say.

Estorbo, she says. Hab you realize' how beeg I yam an' how small you are?

Nard reeally.

Well, she says, theenk abou' eed.

Sheet.

Here are the damn dargs.

Ged well s-o-o-o-o-n, Teddy. (He ees the shor' fad one een the meedle.)

Thees was poseded onner duress.

I wan' to speak to my lawyer.

H-h-huwi no mas

Thees was my brorder H-h-huwi een Kalk Bay een February thees year. The Wooman an' Smoothman wen' to meet heem an' my order brorder Trebor weeth Jane, who use' to be their Wooman. Jane mobed to Nuevo Zealand an' decided eed was more kine' to leab the brorders een the house they knew weeth their new Wooman...Bod she came bagh to beeseet them.

So, thees morneen' een South Afreeca, my poor brorder H-h-huwi was buried een the garden een Kalk Bay onder the cleevea where he lighed to sleep een the shade. He was diagnose' weeth FIV too lade and was berber' seeck.

I yam berber' sad an' Jane ees eben more sad.

An' Trebor, below, H-h-huwi's brorder, ees mose' sad. You see he is yos lighe me?

Thees ees Jane weeth Trebor een February.

Be strong, Trebor! You steell hab a brorder een Brookleen.

^^

I yab been rarbbed

Sormtheen' ees meesseen'.

The Wooman toogh my for.

She deedn' geeb eed bag.

Whad the forghe?

I needed eed.

Precedence

Whad? Whad? WHAD????

I hord you wor' eadeen lonch, so I came to seed ad the table.

Thees ees your chair?

Esco-oooo-suh mi! I gard heear fors'.

You wor seedeen' hear fors'? Then porquewhy deed you ged orp? Oh, you forgard sometheen'. Seelly, seelly you! Fine anorder chair. Now.

DOAN' forgheen' squash me you gread brude!

Ees thad corntree pate I see arn the table? Yes, como un beeg slice ob highclass cad food.

Yes, I weell taghe a bide...

Thanks for askeen'.

Now bacade my sead.

Starp!

The yoomans hab been borgheen' me again. Leddeen' me oud ob the red coad to wash "onder soophair beesion". Sheet. When I try to wash the mose' eemportan' plaze, arn my tormy, they yomp orp and say Nooooooooo, Estorbo! Doan' maghe leecky leecky there, eed ees sore plaze!

*&%$#@!!*&^ I know! Doan' you know cadleeck ees anteesepteec???

No! They cry, you hab O.L.D. Obseseeb leeckeen' deesorder an' you doan' know when to starp.

I know how to maghe you starp, I say. Prepare por attagh:

Sorry.

Tole' you.

Doan' worree, the Smoothman ees beeg. He has lards ob spare blord.