Eed has been worn year y three mornths seence I paghed my bags to go y be eenjected weeth radioaghteebeedy y espose' naked een a CAGE to a tribe ob forgheen' gerbeels, all een the name ob science y to cure my typhoid.
The treadmen' was berber' espenseeb y was made parseeble by the eencredeeble generoseedy ob Los Amigos de Estorbo (my gard I yab so many frien's!) who gabe so selflessly, weeth no regard por feedeen' their own cheeldren. I, Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana, May He Leeb Forebber, Heear Me Roar Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!...am ber' gradeful
I was forgheen' traumatize' y peed een my onaatrcteeb forgheen' barx, bod soon (nard forgheen' soon enorf!) I was arn the road home (een a taxi!) to recorbery.
The Smoothman meex me the atomeec keeddy beectory sarng to celebrade.
Y now I yam wrideen' to you frarm Harlem, home of blag cad powhair. Bod I yam home alone ALL DAY. No marches por me. The Wooman ees habeen' fon een forgheen' Cape Town weeth the dreaded Corg, y the Smoothman ees habeen' no forgheen' fon ad worgh [hey, who wrode thees blargpose'?]. Y me? Where ees my fon?! Where ees my bride?! He has his fon! He has his bride! Waid! Snaboudobeed. I thogh I was Neekolas Cage. Thad ees anorder mobie. I am loseen' eed. I tell you. Ees forgheen' cabeen feebhair.
Y now? The final eensol'? My preebelage ob seein' Pebbles, the lorb ob my libe frarm the backyar, one floor below, hab been reboked. The yoomans theenk I woul' nard sorbibe the fall frarm the terrace, or the feline leukemia that Pebbles woul' geeb me. Bod lorb woul' geeb me weengs! Lorb SPEEDS arn leukemia! Ghhhhtptooeee! Y anyway, eben eeb lorb made me seegh, small price to pay por the lorb ob Pebbles. Eed doan' madder nada eef Pebbles ees male or female. I woul' lorb heemhor equally. I larst my keetens a larng time ago.
Anyway. So now there ees a kaka fence between me y the larng drarp to the backyar', y I cannard eben go oud dureen' the day. I spen' my time sleepeen', sweateen' (I wear a forgheen' for coad!), eadeen' cronchee, golden, deleecious, nutreetious, pelleds, y dreenkeen' mucho agua. Nard always een thad order. Repead maaaanymany time'.
Dayeen, dayoud.
Bod when my orpstairs neighbors walgh pas' my fron' door I geeb them recital. Eed ees my especial fusion style of yodel, fire engine, opera, barb dylon y donkey. Before I was LEFD ALONE all day, I reserb thees especial recital por the Wooman y the Smoothman, bod now I seeng ebery time I heear thad forgheen door open to the streed. Eeeeeds me, Storbie, I wan' sorm gardamn attention! Led me oooooooooooooud!
So the neighbors they email the yoomans y as'...Ees your keedy Ok?
No, their keedy is NARD FORGHEEN' OK! OK?
Sure. I yam ole'. Y washeen' does nard seem as eemportant when I was a freesky young cad. Y I yab baddle scars como my bad claw (sostain arn the roop een Brookleen, bod I weel nebber tell), y my barxer's jaw (I doan' wanna talgh abou' deed!). I yab been through a lard, I yab had an ebentful libe. Y loogh ad me. I yam steel forgheen' gorgeous! I stan' proud - between lyeen' down por larng nabs, ob course.
Bod I yam ready to mobe to Mesa Verde. You see, een Mesa Verde, there ees a bank...Y nard yos any bank: THE bank. Full ob treads y pelleds.
Y thad ees a story I weell tell anorder time. Or you can wadge the mobie.
Por now I greed you, my esteemed frien's. You hab helped me leab a larnger y eentersteen' libe.
Gracias a todos.
^^
I miss you, you old rascal! And I'm sorry you can't beeseet your friend, Pebbles. But hey! you still got wad eet takes! xx
ReplyDeleteDe nada. Please tell the Smoothman that we appreciate the update. I hope the Wooman comes back soon. Keep singing the song of your people. Cariños.
ReplyDeleteYou took the words right out of my mouth, 'Storbie: gracias a todos (y todas) por su ayuda y compasión! Nosotros tres les debemos mucho!
ReplyDeleteI remember that trip to the radioactive atom factory and watching you on the cat-cam to make sure you were okay. I am so glad that's over now and that the treatment worked for you.
ReplyDeleteBeeg, blag, Dominican cad, as handsome as ever and with so many stories to tell. The Wooman will return soon, and your daytime routine will resume.
Hola Estorbo! It's great to see you looking so good in your Harlem home. I love the aerial view of your terrace. I was afraid you wouldn't have one when you had to leave Brooklyn (it's a while since I looked at your posts). Sing your song of blag cad powhair!
ReplyDeleteWe are sad to hear your friend Pebbles has FeLV. (He/she shouldn't be roaming outside.) Sing the song of your people loud and proud! We hope The Woman will be back soon and make you happier.
ReplyDeleteWad are frens for? seeng on, 'Storbie!
ReplyDeleteGracias Storby. Keep singing the song of your people. Stay healthy!
ReplyDeleteMommy's home!
ReplyDeleteStorbie
ReplyDeleteOne of my boys, Jasper, will soon be 12. Like you, he is very handsome, had to wait 8 years to replace the former alpha in the home, he is a proud and entitled Virgo, and this year we learn he also has the typhoid. So far, we are just monitoring his symptoms - soon it is time to take action.
Jasper must observe his empire from the window because I dont let him go in his yard - to avoid FeLV or any other affect of outside. He has a staff of one (me) and 2 young subjects in his kingdom. Also like you - he likes to sing his song. I think it is a sign of age. Jasper likes a bit of rap; multisylable stories about his angst. Also, he likes a lot of attention. I read your blarg to heem and he looks away as if to ignore you, but I dont think he does.
I lorb you Storbie ! LORB ! LORB ! l-o-r-b !!
ReplyDeletexoxoxoxoxxo Susan - mama of les quatre chats de Rue LeNoire