The onbearable heabiness of no blargeen'

 Sheet.

How ees a cad sorpose' to wride a forgheen' BLARG, dayeen dayoud,  when he doan' be geeben aghsess to a forgheen' carmpudehair??

Madre di dios. Ees a deesgrace. I theenk I weell go to leeb weeth those wile' cads I heear ou'sie een the nighd, seengeeng een freedom.

The Wooman's redeeculous labtarp went kaput so por weeghs she ees waideen' por the new worn to arribe, an ledmetellyou when eed does eed ees goeen' to loogh fonny. Waid an see. Aghd sorprise', I deedn' say northeen'.

So the Wooman and me we hab been fighdeen' ober wheech carmpudehair to use and I try to use the Smoothman's desktarp bod the theeng loogh y aghd como un forgheen spacesheep. You press a boretorn and WHOOSH smoghe star's to corm oud ob holes y the screen goes fonny y my forr stan orp y my tail increase een bolume y I ron away.

Same theeng happen when the Wooman try to use eed, BTW. Eed's nard yos me. The theeng is corse', I tell you. Y ad hees carmpudehair ees where I mos maghe my peectures porque he has Photosharp, so no forgheen peectures, no forgheen blarg!!!

I yam goeen' to Sue. (Why does eberybardy say thees? Can sormworn porfabor yos tell me where does Sue leeb, an' how does she feex so many theengs?)

Meanwhile I yab foun' a secred plaze to hide arn the rooftarps, where noworn can fine' me. I deesappear por hours.  Ten days ago the yoomans made sorch por me een the nighd, cryeen' Storbeeeee, an' carryeen flashlighds an' loogheen' down cheemneys, an' the man goeen to the streed een case I fall down. I scare them good. GOOD! Thees weell teach them to tread Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana weeth respeghd!

I deman' an iPaw. Now!

I weell be bag. These starbation ob blargs poseds ees ad an en'.

Hard libe

Oh, good. Brake fas'!

I lorb bodhair you know? Yesserday when the Wooman was nard lookeen' I ade ALL the bodhair frarm the tray. Today she shoud ad me, BADCAD!

Who, me? Bad? You mos' be keedeen'!

Are you goeen' to ead thad?

So the bodes por the morg shart: Sorry por the poll bein' so forgheen illegeeble een the sidebar...Bod eed's a DRAW! Between Whad the Forgue (spreadlegs een the greenshort) and Talkgh to the Paw. So we mos' choose worn more time, y the Wooman say I should geeb a few more choices, also. I say, why? She say, Because I pay the cable beel.

Whadebber.

Manana, manana.

Pleease bode por a morg shart.

 

1. Whad the forgue?

Pleease bode een the poll arn the lefd por whad peecture you wan' arn a morg...

The captions are sobyeghd to change. We decide ladehair. Also, eef you lighe a peecture frarm the blarg, please tell me wheech posed eed was, y whad dade, OK? OK!

 2. Born een the Yoo Esse Ay.

 

 3. Go. Away.

 

 4. I lorb you.

 

5. Keess me.

 

6. Sheet.

 

7. Don Estorbo.

 

8. Talgh to the paw.

 

 9. Th.

 

10. The Paw.

 

 11. Waghe orp!

12. The Don

 

13. The keeng ob cads.

WAR

 You though' I was dead, deedn' you?

You thoughd I yad abandon' my thousan's y thousan's ob adoreen' fans, Yes? Admeed eed, yes? Yes? I mean, Si?

Nebber!

Nebber woul' Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!) leab those who lorb y appreciade heem! Nebber! Only eef he was prebendted by some crazylocogaga WOOMAN woul' he be kepd frarm blargeen por ELEBEN days!!!!!

I mean, Whad the forgue??

No. I do nard essagerade.

Crazy.

Loco.

Nard all ob hor peegs are een their sty, eef you know whad I mean? Yes? Yes? I mean, Si?

Two peegs shord ob a peecneec eef you as' me.

 She ees weareen' camouflage. I keed you nard.  She say she need to "blen' een."

I say, Oh yes, I mean si, thad ees easy, you are seex food weeeth red hair, you TODALLY blen' een.

Blen' eento whad, anyway? I as'.

The fores', she wheesper.

The fores'??? I wheesphair bag...

Yes, she say, I yam ad war.

I know! I say, weeth me!

No you stupeed hairball. Weeth the leederhairs.

....

Que? I say. Thees ees deefeecol' por me to onnerstan' - hor aghsen' ees nard so easy. Leeder hairs. Hairs. Hares. Fores'. Leeder...hares?

Hares = Rabbeeds? Rabbeeds + Leeder.

YOU MEAN THERE ARE RABBEEDS EEN MY LEEDHAIR TRAY???? I knew eed looghed fonny! An' you are magheen' war arn the rabbeeds weeth my taghs dollars? Why deed you nard tell me?

No, you moron, she say. Leederhairs! Persons whad throw garbage arn the groun' een the fores'.

Oh, I say, you mean d.a.r.g.s.

NO! Yooooooooomans, she say.

Peegs! I say.
 
Peegs, she say.

...

Ees esshausteen.

Oud een the cole'

I yam oud een the cole'. I need the Wooman to help me weeth merchandiseen' an she say she weell, bod only eef I coogh hor deenhair.

Whad the forgue???

I doan' know how to coogh!

Why I need hor? Because I cannard use Phodosharp an' I theenk I need these eef I yam goeen' to maghe a forgheen' calendar or morgs por sale. The Woomans say morgs ees a good idea. She no use morgs She use corps. Bod whadebber.

So whad can I coogh? I can reach the gas bod I doan' know whad to do when I ged there. Fry pelleds?

Sheet.

Soon I weell pose' sorm peecture por chooseen' whad to pud arn a morg. Or corp. You mos bode por wheech worn you lighe.

I need $'s!

 Escuse me.

The Wooman says I need to orn parket morney eef I wan' to fly to Australia. So I wan' to know. Does anyworn wan' an ESTORBO callendar, starteen' een March???

Por the wall (more beeg 8.5 eenches x 11) , or por the desk (more small, 10 eenches x 5 eenches)?Ees abou' ninteen $'s y porteen. Plos sheepeen'.

The Wooman says nobardy uses calendars no mas, y eed ees too espenseeb. I say, "Th."

Sheet:

The Wooman also yos tole' me thees ees the price weethoud prarfeet. I weell maghe no morney.

Dios mio. How can  I maghe morney? My caddle CSA barx ees nard selleen'.

My libe ees een the toilet.

Larst

Can sormworn pleaseporfabor tell me how to ged to Australia? Where do I torn lefd?