I need grass!

Yesserday I sad arn whad use' to be my lawn arn the terrace. Ees pathedeec. Use' to be grass an' nice lime green plantas. Now ees cole' stones agains' my forry pearson. The Wooman says I mos' wade. Wade por the son an' the sommer. So I wade.

In the meantime I chew the new leabes ob hor Japanese grass. She geds mad. She say, You maghe thees grass ogly por lader, Estorbo! So buy me cadgrass, I soyyest, polideboice.

Fine. I weell go to farmairs' marghet tomorrow, she say.

Fine, I say. Go!

Here below ees me an' the Japanese grass las' sommer. See below my chair ees my lawn!

Attagh Cad!

Muchas gracias to Neko Y Marzipan, my CATtorneys por thees bideo...I theenk they are tryeen' to sen' me a messayge?

I was two, I mean twelb?

My blarg had a borthday.

The Wooman deed nard remine' me. My blarg ees older than the Wooman's blarg: she stole the idea frarm me.

Eed was Two arn the 12th ob March.

Here was my fors' pose'...

The bandido

...bedhair wadge oud when he waghes orp an' corms oud arn the roop again, because Counsel Marzipan ees arn the case. Porsueen' a legal alternateeb to the biolence I was so lookeen' forward to.

Ees Counsel eento barndage? Why ees she weareen' so moch hardware aroun' hor negh?

Preedy een peenk

The snaghe an' me are frien's again...

When the peenk snaghe attaghs...

Then I, Don Estorbo the Peenk Snaghe Slayhair, do the dance ob death!

The phonecall

The Wooman and the Hermano are talkeen' arn Skype an' she ees sayeen', Oh, I lorf you so moch, you are the man ob my dreams, lighe when I was a leedle gorl I would eemagine a cowboy cormeen' op to rescue me arn his blag an' whide horse, an' you are yos lighe heem, especial when you wear jeans, hmhmhm...

egh (hairball) ...

An' he say, You are the Wooman ob my dreams an' so wonnerful an BLA.B.L.A.B.L.A.

My Gard.

Escuse me, Hermano? I say, polidecuriousboice, eenteropteen' thees larng deestance lorf fest, bod:

Am I how you imagined me????

...

...silence frarm Canada.

Estorbo? he say...

Si! I reply, ears ready por the answer.

Um...are you how I imagined you? carnfusedyoomanboice.

Si, exacto! I say. Well, am I?????

Um....I deedn't eemageen you, Estorbo.


...

...

...


Estorbo?

Si..? I say, bersmallboice.

Estorbo, whad do you mean?

I mean, Am I the CAD OB YOUR DREAMS?????

....ah...er....um...

WELL??? desperadeboice...

A leedle fadder, a leedle blagger, a leedle more hairy, maybe? Whad? Whad? Whad??? - tellmeIcantagheead!

Estorbo!!!!!

You wor nard theenkeen' abou' me. You wor nard anteeceepateen' par' ownersheep een a cad como yo. You had no esspetations, no desire, no dreamcad.

Eenshort:

I do. nard. madhair.

ESTORBO! Snapoudobeed!

Oh. Reeally? I yam makeen' drama? Well, escyoo-o-o-o-ose me!

Estorbo?

Si? How do you lighe your new food?

Oh. Food. Ebo ees goo'. I doanlighe the dorck so moch. Cheecken an' torkey ees good. Beef ees good. The Wooman forgard to buy beeg sorply today. Tonighd I had to eat Heells sheet. Eed was goo' too. I reeally doan' care whad I ead. The Wooman care.

Bod I do wan' cheecken soup por my soul, lighe Ikaika.

Are you feelleen' bedhair Estorbo?

I yam fine, why?

Because...you know, the cad ob my dreams, an' so on?

I hab no idea whad you are talkeen' abou'...

...

You lighe cads...lighe...thad? I am so sharcked.

Estorbo!

Hermano? Thad ees...seeck!

...

Cleeck.