Eed has been worn year y three mornths seence I paghed my bags to go y be eenjected weeth radioaghteebeedy y espose' naked een a CAGE to a tribe ob forgheen' gerbeels, all een the name ob science y to cure my typhoid.
The treadmen' was berber' espenseeb y was made parseeble by the eencredeeble generoseedy ob Los Amigos de Estorbo (my gard I yab so many frien's!) who gabe so selflessly, weeth no regard por feedeen' their own cheeldren. I, Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana, May He Leeb Forebber, Heear Me Roar Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!...am ber' gradeful
I was forgheen' traumatize' y peed een my onaatrcteeb forgheen' barx, bod soon (nard forgheen' soon enorf!) I was arn the road home (een a taxi!) to recorbery.
The Smoothman meex me the atomeec keeddy beectory sarng to celebrade.
Y now I yam wrideen' to you frarm Harlem, home of blag cad powhair. Bod I yam home alone ALL DAY. No marches por me. The Wooman ees habeen' fon een forgheen' Cape Town weeth the dreaded Corg, y the Smoothman ees habeen' no forgheen' fon ad worgh [hey, who wrode thees blargpose'?]. Y me? Where ees my fon?! Where ees my bride?! He has his fon! He has his bride! Waid! Snaboudobeed. I thogh I was Neekolas Cage. Thad ees anorder mobie. I am loseen' eed. I tell you. Ees forgheen' cabeen feebhair.
Y now? The final eensol'? My preebelage ob seein' Pebbles, the lorb ob my libe frarm the backyar, one floor below, hab been reboked. The yoomans theenk I woul' nard sorbibe the fall frarm the terrace, or the feline leukemia that Pebbles woul' geeb me. Bod lorb woul' geeb me weengs! Lorb SPEEDS arn leukemia! Ghhhhtptooeee! Y anyway, eben eeb lorb made me seegh, small price to pay por the lorb ob Pebbles. Eed doan' madder nada eef Pebbles ees male or female. I woul' lorb heemhor equally. I larst my keetens a larng time ago.
Anyway. So now there ees a kaka fence between me y the larng drarp to the backyar', y I cannard eben go oud dureen' the day. I spen' my time sleepeen', sweateen' (I wear a forgheen' for coad!), eadeen' cronchee, golden, deleecious, nutreetious, pelleds, y dreenkeen' mucho agua. Nard always een thad order. Repead maaaanymany time'.
Dayeen, dayoud.
Bod when my orpstairs neighbors walgh pas' my fron' door I geeb them recital. Eed ees my especial fusion style of yodel, fire engine, opera, barb dylon y donkey. Before I was LEFD ALONE all day, I reserb thees especial recital por the Wooman y the Smoothman, bod now I seeng ebery time I heear thad forgheen door open to the streed. Eeeeeds me, Storbie, I wan' sorm gardamn attention! Led me oooooooooooooud!
So the neighbors they email the yoomans y as'...Ees your keedy Ok?
No, their keedy is NARD FORGHEEN' OK! OK?
Sure. I yam ole'. Y washeen' does nard seem as eemportant when I was a freesky young cad. Y I yab baddle scars como my bad claw (sostain arn the roop een Brookleen, bod I weel nebber tell), y my barxer's jaw (I doan' wanna talgh abou' deed!). I yab been through a lard, I yab had an ebentful libe. Y loogh ad me. I yam steel forgheen' gorgeous! I stan' proud - between lyeen' down por larng nabs, ob course.
Bod I yam ready to mobe to Mesa Verde. You see, een Mesa Verde, there ees a bank...Y nard yos any bank: THE bank. Full ob treads y pelleds.
Y thad ees a story I weell tell anorder time. Or you can wadge the mobie.
Por now I greed you, my esteemed frien's. You hab helped me leab a larnger y eentersteen' libe.
Gracias a todos.
^^
