The yoomans have been sayeen bad theen's abou' me.
Yos because I was een the Wooman's arms, lookeen' oud the weendow, and she said, Loogh ad the aeroplane, and I started to bide hor arm savagely...Yos because she put me down sayeen' &*%%$ you *&^^^%! An' because I toogh esseption to these words (I bed norn ob you say thees to your cads), an' I came an' stood by hor chair while she was readeen' email, and yos because she felt my maleegnant presence, an' looghed ad me een time to see my eyes blag como coals an' knew I was abou' to make attagh arn hor leg, yos because she toogh the water bottle and gabe me a squort ob meest to onpersuade me, and I ran to the door an' stared ad the yoomans weeth an esspression ob hort and eenocence...
...They started to say -
Thees cad has brain damage. We weell geeb the cad operation to taghe away the claws, so we no bleed no more, to taghe away the fangs, so we are no more een dangehair ob tetanus, and we will de-rasp his tongue so thad he can no more mutilade heemselb, necesseetateen' red coad...Oh! They say, then he weell yos hab gorms an' weell no larnger be able to bide os oud of the blue, or make scratcha arn our tender arms! An' he weel start to leesp! Heeheehee. Also, we weell dribe heem eento the meedle ob the Kgalagadi Transfrontier Pargh and open the door and say, Welcome Estorbo, thees ees your noo bagyard, an', Oh, BTW, eef you see a leopard? - you migh' wan' to knorck arn the gade at Nossob camp and beg them to led you een, sayeen:
Hello? I yam Don Ethtorbo de la Bodega Dominicana. I yab a blarg. I need pelledth. Led me een!
Forgh!
Thereth a beeg cad behine' me, weeth spartth. Eed doan' know my blarg. I doan' theenk eed hath Eenterned!
Forgh!
I weell cadge ratth! I yam a nithe cad!!!!
....
Thees ees whad the yoomans are sayeen', before they star' to laugh como hyenas.
sowndz like ya got whut Mine calls cabin fevrr. itz not fare holdin ya by the winda an not lettin ya go owt. corse it iz awful windy. awful awful windy. the wind knocked Mine over yestrrday, corse the ice on the driveway wuz no help eethrr with trakshun. i eckspekt itz no better on your island. best hold yer payshenze and wate it out.
ReplyDeleteleest theyrr laffin, my bruthrr, cud be wrrse.
Estorbo, we think your people have been under a lot of stress...they sure are acting weird. Ours would never ever threaten us like that and then laugh... Just be careful for a bit not to bite them. They'll be going away soon enough and then you can make nice to Mr Mike and make them all jealous...
ReplyDeleteI believe those are called "love bites." And saucer eyes are not even a misdemeanor. Wait till the cattorneys read about this!
ReplyDeleteay!ay!ay! Hermano -what can we say?
ReplyDeleteWell, first,your wooman would not remove your claws because she knows that it involves the toes, too. And second, The Cattorneys would take her to the cleaners.
Some journalists write bad things about good people just to get more readers.We're just sayin'...
hahahah ....I am laffin' over here too Storbie..... it was pretty funny.... sorry... maybe they had an extra glass of wine today? must be some simple explanation...
ReplyDeleteYeah, there's got to be some explanation for the strange talk from the yoomans, hermano! But I agree with Quiltcat that you should maybe ease up on the love bites. And did you put the CATtorneys on speed dial yet?
ReplyDeleteAnd hope the New Year is a good one for you ...
Storbie, have the yoomans left out their suitcases? Are you having that ominous feeling that they are going to leave you again? I agree with Quiltcat. Time to show the writer minder some lovin' and let the yoomans know that you have options.
ReplyDeleteEstorbo, I think you're building a pretty good case against the humans. First of all they leave you --WITHOUT ANY FOOD, then they dress you in those funny clothes, now they call you names and threaten you. It doesn't look good to me! But then I don't know about the biting. Bailey did that to me about a year ago ('though I did stand on his tail). But then when I took him to the vet once, he started nibbling on my arm as I held him and the Vet thought it was funny and charming and supposedly showing affection! But then what cat wouldn't choose me over a vet!
ReplyDelete