Arn the roop afthair the storm

I yam sorry! Ees berberhar'. The Wooman. She ees always tybetybetybe ad thees carmpudehair. No chance por Estorbo to do whad a cad's garda do, you know? Lighe orpdade my forgheen' BLARG! I start my blarg fors' ,you know. She gard the idea frarm me. 

Irene, she came, she wen', was boreen', lighe beeg storm bod no thondhair. I yam nard afrai' frarm thondhair. Was ween', morch ween', y thad made me loogh orp ad the skylighds an' say, Whadtheforghe? a few time'...

Now I yam bag arn the roop, y I ade my emergencia rations already, y I use my shelter leedhair, y now my caddle hab all lefd the roop. P. P...roopffffffffffffffffffffffffff. Ees har'. (The Smooth man has eessues weeth my prononciation.) So, I yam no longhair a rooptarp gaucho. Where hab all my caddle garn? The Wooman say they blow away.

Bod: I deed cadge a cicada. Myeeee cicada! Green, the bes' flabor. I ade eed. Was muy delicioso! Que rico...the Wooman made a mobie ob the meal bod she say I cannard pose' eed because PEDA weell be angry. Who ees he? Eed was myeeee cicada, nard PEDA's cicada.

So, afthair patrolleen' the roop een bain por days por my larst y meesseen' caddle I deed fine oud Worn New Theen': Ees a POOSSY leebeen' arn the order rooptarp! She ees blag! Name ob Coco...Serious. Bod I cannard beeseet, ees no connection between roops. The yoomans ob Coco wabe ad os worn day, an' say to the Wooman, How are las plantas afthair the horricane? The Wooman scream bag, FINE! Then they wabe ad me, and they peeck orp their poossy frarm their deg and hole' hor een the air an' I say, Madre de dios, a blag, preedy poossy, and they scream, Thees ees Coco! Then they yell, Whad ees your keedy's name? Y the Woomam  scream:  ESTOOORBO!

...

...

Whad? they yell.

Nebbermine, says the Wooman, weeth hor han's.

She tole' me she weell leab a node ondhair their door y tell them to fine' me here. 

Then they weell nebber led their poossy speaghe to me again. I know. She weel deescreeminade agains' me.

So depresseen'...