Good, thank you, she say. How deed you sleep?
Nard bad, he say, Ok, bod nard bad.
....
Silence.
Estorbo? say the Wooman.
Si? I say.
How deed you sleep?
Fonny you shoul' as', I say.
Oh gard, she say.
Yes, I say: Well, I deedn' sleep so goo'.
Reeally, she as'? I though you slepd preedy well.
The Smoothman roll his eyes.
Well, I say, I deed sleep preedy well between 2 and 3 am.
Si, she say, Een the meedle ob the bed. Stredghed oud, so that I yad to balance arn 6 eenches arn the side.
Thee ees my story, I say. Pleease doan' eenterropt...
.....
I carntinue: An' then ad 3 am I woghe orp.
The Smoothman sigh'.
Ad 3 am I woghe orp, I carntinue, and I was hongree! Bod I said to myself, be reasonable [the Smoothman maghes snorteen' noise, so rude]. So I go bag to sleep. I yam a reasonable cad! I sleep anorder twenny seben meenutes. Then I waghe orp, an' I yam hongree!
So I decide to as' for food. Bod I yam so ber' tired thad when I open my mouth, no soun' corms oud. Then I doze arff.
I waghe orp again. Weeth my excellen' cad eyes I see the deegetal clarck. Eed is 4am. Thees time I decide to maghe a carncerted effor' an' I pomp orp the bolume.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
The Smoothman ged orp, fas'. He say some badwor's. Bod he feed me! I seddle down to my bowl an' I coun' my pelleds. Hey! I yab been scammed. Thees bowl ees nard full! Bod I ead anyway. Then I doze arff arn the floor, pointee' towar's the Mecca ob my bowl.
I waghe forty-fibe meenutes lade-hair and I am hongry! Ees terreeble
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP, por the lorb ob gard!
The Smoothman appears again, neearly sqasheen' me as he walghs.
He feed me the res' ob my ration.
I feel full an' I doze arff again. Bod again I waghe ad seex an' there ees a hongry tigehair een my belly
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, I roar faindly, weagh weeth honghair.
Lighe mageec the Smoothman appear. You've been fed, cad! he growl een French.
Pendejo, I say, I yam hongry! Babosa he say: Dreenk thees...
He geeb me meelk. Ah, whide storff. Ebeen tho eed ees lowfad kaka I dreenk eed. Laplaplap, ees goo'.
I fall sleep.
Moch ladehair the yoomans ged orp.
They ead breakfas'. Carffee cahge thad the Wooman maghe las' nighd an strarng carffee. I yompa arnto the bed where the Wooman ees eadeen' an' dreenkeen while readeen' an' I as' por sorm cahghe. I lighe caghe.
She geeb me two pieces muy pequeno, and then I wash an' lie down to sleep.
I mos resd orp por tonighd.
The En'.
The majoreedy ees correeghd! Onlighe een a democracy, jaaaaaaaaaajajajajajajaj.
I weigh...
NINETEEN POUN's!!!!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! Carngratulation'! To eberyonee who though I was fifteen, thad ees because I yab soch goo' moscle tone. Twenty-two woul' dab been accurade a few years ago when I was twenny-worn poun's.
Een honor ob your beectory you may sen' me Wheeskas treads, whide caghe, enoki moshrooms an' sweet melon.
Grazias.
OMG! You poor long suffering muscular cat! Those people make it berber difficult for you.
ReplyDeleteI must confess that Beatrix (you would like her as she is berber beautiful and berberber smart [and weighs 8 pounds]) had to go without her dab of Gerber's turkey and gravy at bedtime last night because I neglected to check the supply and the cupboard was bare.
So you are not alone in your suffering, big boy.
Sounds like the Smoothman's training is going well...he is learning to get up and feed you on demand! just try not to tire him out too much...
ReplyDeleteyou are soooooooo handsome !
ReplyDeleteand you crack us up !
Stop ... your keelin us with your tails (we mean tales).
xo from the Nova Scotia cats
BleetNess, Oliver & Virgil*
*the cat formerly known as Gus
Estorbo: Blogger did not add your last two posts to my Dashboard and I missed them until now. I'm thinking of suing them! Nineteen pounds is a good weight for a tough guy, only she make you look too cuddly on the bed. And you can torture me with opera as much as you like. That's how I torture my "smoothman" -- only he's not so smooth. You remember how they torture you with that automatic feeder when they went away one time? Maybe they should use that again just at night, so they get their sleep and won't be grumpy. But maybe you like to keep them grumpy so they keep you in an aggressive mood ready for the big raccoon fight!
ReplyDeleteThe Smoothman he is easy to train yes? I yam sor' ju hab soch a long and deeficool nighd... I knew ju was NOD FARD! (I guess righd:-)
ReplyDeleteMaybe ju can share your traineen method weeth os. We leebs een a book store (was rescued!) an' they keep on sayin' we gettin'fard. We are nod, yus' fluffy!
Findley and Mollie from the bookstore. Don' know why we speekin' Spanish, we nod that eether.
Stobito, you look like the Big Man or Cat on Campus in that new shirt. Plus, woo hoo! I win! I win! I guessed 19 pounds (of solid muscle and guapo-ness).
ReplyDeletemah brutha, yer fallin away tuh nuthin. ya gotta getz the yoomans back onna reglar feedin skedyul. pronto.
ReplyDeletedayeen, dayoud.
~^:^~
Ok, so what happened before 2 AM???
ReplyDeleteone of my boys, Jasper, feels the more of his handsome self - the better. then again - he see's me readin your posts so often in the last week - and he wonders why I waste so much time readin about you. now he wants his own blorg.
ReplyDeletehey - the poll was a real hit. and I see you no like fezbook - it got me here. I preedeect Estorbo goes biral - you may need more banweedth por polls, FAQ, beedeos, etcetera - be prepare' amigo
Hola! Hermano, I find your technique interesting.
ReplyDeleteFor myself, I have always found the foot-in-the-face effective.If a response is slow, then an extended sharpy guarantees action.
Strangely, though, I have never tried this with The Man, only with Dinah.
Dinah says maybe you are in training for sumo. Rude, yes?
Oh, the humanity! Er, felinity... How you *ever* withstand the pain and suffering is *completely* beyond me, darling boy.
ReplyDeleteI want to comment on the photos accompanying this post. You are so very striking in both of them, and each shows a different side of your fascinating personality.
In the first I see you wearing that shirt w/all the dignity you can muster. The second sends chills along my spine, seeing your Big Cat essence come to life as you patrol your rooftop jungle. Keep on truckin', 'Storbo. Keep on truckin'.
Estorbo, I would love to have your weight when I jump around on top of my human trying to get her to wake up to feed me! I'm only 9#, but she claims I feel like 19. Imagine how fast she would get up to feed me if I did weigh 19?
ReplyDeleteEmma in Iowa
Why do humans think that THEIR biorhythms should dominate when the household sleeps and when it is awake? Know the not how crepuscular cats are? Have they ever gone on a night ride in a game reserve and seen the lions? Everybody ought to get up at 3 am and have breakfast, play, read, blog etc, then go back to bed at 6 am.
ReplyDeleteOh, and congrats on being 19 lbs. I am proud to say I was one of the cats who guessed correctly.
Estorbo, I wasn't aware of how svelt you actually are! No wonder you felt weak with hunger pains...poor cad. It must have taken all your effort to squeek out a sound to alert the smoothman of your plight.
ReplyDeleteSleep well tonight, Estorbo and dream of many feesh.
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ReplyDeleteAnne - grazias por the soppor'! Bod I yam calleen' the Esse Pee Si Ay por your poor cads...dios mio.
ReplyDeleteQC - he can taghe eed...
Susan, my gard, you soun' lighe you had sorm ob thad goo' Greenpoin' neep! Bod you are righd: I yam so han'some! My regar's to Bleetness, Oleebhair an' Beergeel.
Chrees J - how are those keettens treadeen' you? Maybe smoggle worn home?
Bal - hola to Feenlay y Mollie the booghstore cads. Eentellectual cads, jes? To train your yooman: You mos fors maghe sure they hab Nedfleeghs sobscreeption, OK? Corm bag here when thad ees arrange' an' we proceed weeth my Method.
Donatella, hola chica, grazias. I hade thees forgheen' shor'.
Halloween, hermano, how are you weeth thad Stellaaaaa cad? You are righ'. I feel quide faind weeth hong-hair.
Beence. So sorry, no speak Eengleesh.
Terri - OK, pleease you do Fazeboogh por mi? Ees so stressful arn Fazeboogh where I lorn too moch politics. I hade ticks.
Geiger, SUMO?! &^$$&*& so rude! My gard. I also do food-een-faze, bod ad the moment I am mexeen' eed orp a leedle to keep them nerbous.
Leenda - I yam so happy you appreciade how carmpleghs I yam. An' you are righd, eed ees berber'har' to soffhair lighe thees. Ber' har'. I try. I try.
Mom L - only 9lbs, mamacita! Do thees: ged the Nedfleeghs sobscreeption. Then corm bag here. I see I yam goeen' to hab to geeb master class por annoyeen the yoomans. Ees patented methord.
Seemba, I doan' know about you, bod I only crepuscular een my leedhair tray...I draw the line. Jaaajajajajaja. Sorry, you remine' me ob my deear depar' frien, Senor Ambrosius. I meess heem. Soch beegwor's. Soch lorneen'. Eep.
Michelle. Svelte! YES! I yam svelte. Wonnerful word, muchas grazias. Clearly you are a wooman weeth tasde.
LIU - where ees Liu? I theenk I offen' Liu afthair she call me el gordo. She say she ees sorry, she no mean eed. Corm bag LIU! I porgeeb you!
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHola, Storbie, I'm not ofendeed at all, I was making pictures: one day sun four days raining in Barcelona...
ReplyDeleteI see, your nights are a great great fiesta !
Estorbo - I must say - this snap of you in the plants with the yellow polo is really fun - exposes another side of you. I can't decide if you look better in red or yellow.
ReplyDeleteBut then you know how magnificent you are anyway.
Oh Estorbo my Afro-Dominican feline...I am so enamored of you and the postings about your like Dayeen and Dayoud....I think you would be a perfect companion to my precious baby...Baby Princess Jadzia.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/profile.php?id=100001395055059
Estorbo -
ReplyDeleteI have been following the Wooman for a few months now on 66 and I have no idea how I missed out on you during that time. I was laughing so hard that tears were rolling down my face. Glad that you were finally fed your due portion.
Regards,
Monica