Saturday, September 18, 2010
Good, thank you, she say. How deed you sleep?
Nard bad, he say, Ok, bod nard bad.
Estorbo? say the Wooman.
Si? I say.
How deed you sleep?
Fonny you shoul' as', I say.
Oh gard, she say.
Yes, I say: Well, I deedn' sleep so goo'.
Reeally, she as'? I though you slepd preedy well.
The Smoothman roll his eyes.
Well, I say, I deed sleep preedy well between 2 and 3 am.
Si, she say, Een the meedle ob the bed. Stredghed oud, so that I yad to balance arn 6 eenches arn the side.
Thee ees my story, I say. Pleease doan' eenterropt...
I carntinue: An' then ad 3 am I woghe orp.
The Smoothman sigh'.
Ad 3 am I woghe orp, I carntinue, and I was hongree! Bod I said to myself, be reasonable [the Smoothman maghes snorteen' noise, so rude]. So I go bag to sleep. I yam a reasonable cad! I sleep anorder twenny seben meenutes. Then I waghe orp, an' I yam hongree!
So I decide to as' for food. Bod I yam so ber' tired thad when I open my mouth, no soun' corms oud. Then I doze arff.
I waghe orp again. Weeth my excellen' cad eyes I see the deegetal clarck. Eed is 4am. Thees time I decide to maghe a carncerted effor' an' I pomp orp the bolume.
The Smoothman ged orp, fas'. He say some badwor's. Bod he feed me! I seddle down to my bowl an' I coun' my pelleds. Hey! I yab been scammed. Thees bowl ees nard full! Bod I ead anyway. Then I doze arff arn the floor, pointee' towar's the Mecca ob my bowl.
I waghe forty-fibe meenutes lade-hair and I am hongry! Ees terreeble
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP, por the lorb ob gard!
The Smoothman appears again, neearly sqasheen' me as he walghs.
He feed me the res' ob my ration.
I feel full an' I doze arff again. Bod again I waghe ad seex an' there ees a hongry tigehair een my belly
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, I roar faindly, weagh weeth honghair.
Lighe mageec the Smoothman appear. You've been fed, cad! he growl een French.
Pendejo, I say, I yam hongry! Babosa he say: Dreenk thees...
He geeb me meelk. Ah, whide storff. Ebeen tho eed ees lowfad kaka I dreenk eed. Laplaplap, ees goo'.
I fall sleep.
Moch ladehair the yoomans ged orp.
They ead breakfas'. Carffee cahge thad the Wooman maghe las' nighd an strarng carffee. I yompa arnto the bed where the Wooman ees eadeen' an' dreenkeen while readeen' an' I as' por sorm cahghe. I lighe caghe.
She geeb me two pieces muy pequeno, and then I wash an' lie down to sleep.
I mos resd orp por tonighd.
The majoreedy ees correeghd! Onlighe een a democracy, jaaaaaaaaaajajajajajajaj.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! Carngratulation'! To eberyonee who though I was fifteen, thad ees because I yab soch goo' moscle tone. Twenty-two woul' dab been accurade a few years ago when I was twenny-worn poun's.
Een honor ob your beectory you may sen' me Wheeskas treads, whide caghe, enoki moshrooms an' sweet melon.