Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Cad grass


I waid, y I waid, y I waid.

Ad las', she say, Cad! You may ead!

So I ead! Ees deelicious!


Then she hide ead frarm me. Porquewhy? Ees my grass.

Ad nigh' I cry por my grass. While the yoomans sleeb I corcle the table como un shargh, y I maghe eep como Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana.

She say I keell ead.

Bod ead is MINE to keell, I cry.

She say eed mos "recorber."

Forgheen' grass.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Cad arn a wall


A bad photo (the Wooman!) ob a good photo (the Smoothman!).

I yam forgheen' gorgeous am I nard?

The Smoothman is testeen' the preents frarm his new arnline sharp. Naturally, mine was the fors' peecture to arribe een a beeg flad barx. My eemage ees preent' arn a super-lighweid metal. Ees forgheen' classy. The Wooman squeal. She has no class.

When the sharp ees open, I led you know.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

The beeg, the blag, y the byoodeeful


Photos: el Smoothman

Porhaps I loogh como un poossy cad.


Bod obserb the sinewy prowess ob the Harlem panther.


Magheen'  a leedle hexercise. 


Eben een thees gardammned forgheen' oudfeed.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Friday, February 28, 2014

4'F


The polar beartex ees bag.

Ees seetteen' arn Nuevo York.

I weell slay eed weeth my grandeur.

Eed weel retread, wheempereen'.

I weel torn eed eento a rog!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

(Can sormworn sen' me some meettens??)

Thursday, February 13, 2014

We hab sonk to a new low



Dios mio.

I went to sleeb y when I woghe orp eed was 1972.

The Wooman bough' a forgheen' shag rog.

Ees FAUX FORR! she tell me.

Sure. Whadebber you say, I say.


Am I een a porn mobie?

Me ad your fron door: Ees there  a prarblem weeth your keetchen seenk?

...

Nebberlheless, ees kine' ob soft, a beet like p...

ESTORBO! she yell.

Me: Can a cad nard speagh his mine?

NO! she say. A cad cannard.

...

Welcorm to the USS forgheen' R.

Thursday, February 6, 2014