Monday, April 21, 2014

I am beesy


I yab been beesy.

Farmeen'.

Fors', I farm eenside.

Secon', I farm ou'side. Weeth the forgheen bords.


The Wooman say I mos tell you abou' tesds. I when to the ved two weeghs ago. Beeg forgheen' deal. A whole day een car, ad ved, ad home again, por whad? All because I throw orp my pelleds twice.


Eberytheen' ees A-OK. My blord, my pee, my heart, my forgheen' longs. EBERYFORGHEENTHEEN' worghs goo'.

Dr Slade geeb me a toy, see the leopard-spart?

Bod the trauma. The Wooman needs to ged a TB. Nard enorf entertainmen' een her libe so she mos creade drama...Or ees thees the only way she ged to see Brookleen, weeth me in forgheen ambulance?

Seeck, seeck.

Neghs time led them sorgh oud YOR blord, I say.

So. Bag to farmeen'. The bords laugh ad me. The dorfs, the house feenches, the forgheen red cardinal. Then there ees the bor' whad soun's como the Wooman's waghe orp alarm. The whide throad sparrow. Eep, eep, eep.

I am theenkeen' ob recipes por bords. Maybe I wride a recipe boogh.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Cad grass


I waid, y I waid, y I waid.

Ad las', she say, Cad! You may ead!

So I ead! Ees deelicious!


Then she hide ead frarm me. Porquewhy? Ees my grass.

Ad nigh' I cry por my grass. While the yoomans sleeb I corcle the table como un shargh, y I maghe eep como Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana.

She say I keell ead.

Bod ead is MINE to keell, I cry.

She say eed mos "recorber."

Forgheen' grass.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Cad arn a wall


A bad photo (the Wooman!) ob a good photo (the Smoothman!).

I yam forgheen' gorgeous am I nard?

The Smoothman is testeen' the preents frarm his new arnline sharp. Naturally, mine was the fors' peecture to arribe een a beeg flad barx. My eemage ees preent' arn a super-lighweid metal. Ees forgheen' classy. The Wooman squeal. She has no class.

When the sharp ees open, I led you know.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

The beeg, the blag, y the byoodeeful


Photos: el Smoothman

Porhaps I loogh como un poossy cad.


Bod obserb the sinewy prowess ob the Harlem panther.


Magheen'  a leedle hexercise. 


Eben een thees gardammned forgheen' oudfeed.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Friday, February 28, 2014

4'F


The polar beartex ees bag.

Ees seetteen' arn Nuevo York.

I weell slay eed weeth my grandeur.

Eed weel retread, wheempereen'.

I weel torn eed eento a rog!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

(Can sormworn sen' me some meettens??)

Thursday, February 13, 2014

We hab sonk to a new low



Dios mio.

I went to sleeb y when I woghe orp eed was 1972.

The Wooman bough' a forgheen' shag rog.

Ees FAUX FORR! she tell me.

Sure. Whadebber you say, I say.


Am I een a porn mobie?

Me ad your fron door: Ees there  a prarblem weeth your keetchen seenk?

...

Nebberlheless, ees kine' ob soft, a beet like p...

ESTORBO! she yell.

Me: Can a cad nard speagh his mine?

NO! she say. A cad cannard.

...

Welcorm to the USS forgheen' R.