blank'/> The Libe ob Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Doan' call me boreen'

Sleepeen' after treep to ved las' weegh.

Call me loco, bod doan' call me boreen,' Ok? Ok.

The Wooman ees sayeen' bad theen's about my parentage. Sormtheen' como "eenbreedeen' " y "defecteeb."

Forgh. I yam nard defecteeb.

Eef you beeseet my Fazebooh page by now you know thad I , Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicanaheearmerooareeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...hab a new y eenteresteen' disease. Bod whad eed ees, we doan' really know.

We do know eed ees nard typhoid [Editor: hyperthyroidism]. Thad was feexed by the kaka-I-doan'-wan'-to-theenk-abou'-deed-radiation las' May, 2013. Si. I know you all remembair thad.

Now, Dr Slade ad VERG say I yam diabeteec. Porquewhy? Porque my fructose lebels are high.

Bod also - because I yam a gato berber' eenteresteen' y unique, I yab ber' enlarge' adrenal glan'. Also my heard ees areethmeec. Also, I am loseen' weighd y nard eadeen: yos many tiny pequeno meals ob steagh, feesh, leeber, treats en agua, yogur', anytheen' the Wooman can maghe me ead. Thees star' ten days ago (the nard-bein'-hongree). I yam yos nard hongry. Ees strange por a diabolic [Editor: diabetic!] cad, whad ees usually a beeg fad peeg. I yam gedeen' theen. ALSO, my bag legs are pequeno warbly y now my fron' legs are loogheen' fonny ad the wreests when I stand orp straighd. They ben'! The Wooman say maybe thees ees Feline Diabetic Neuropathy. Forgh.

Now I yab forgheen' STEBS to help me clime!

Whad. The. Forghe?

So whaddarewegonna do?

Dr Slade say we mos corm een again for lesson ob eensuleen' eenjections. I yam habeen fear for thees. Anorder treep to Brookleen, all een worn weegh. Ad leas' I can trabel een the new, attracteeb florffy barx (see whad happen to the ole'one! Forgheen' onnatractteeb grey barx) The Smoothman y the Wooman steeckeen' needles een me. Por whad?

Whad deed I do to desorb thees?

Eed's libe say the Wooman, Sometime' libe is berber' sheetty, y eed owes you no essplanation.

Bod today try to essplain to you.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Cadge your own mouse

Ees sayeen' the Wooman to me, Estorbo, we hab un pequeno mouse problem.

Y she loogh ad me.

Mouse, I say. Whad ees "mouse?"

Small forry creature onder de floor, she say.

So? I say.

Also onder the freedge, she say.

Oh, I say, Si, I hear' scratcheen' noise onder the freedge. Eed corm frarm downstairs through hole. Ees many holes onder the floor.

Whadebber, she say. Can you cadge eed?

Me? No.


Como? She say. You are a cad!

Forgheen' Einstein, I say.

You mos' cadge eed!

No forgheen' way, I say. Mouse ees dordy, eed no wash eeds feed. I ged forr een my mouth.  Kaka.

You are FIRE! she says.

Bide me, I say.

Bod I maghe carmpramise, I say: Whad eef I geeb you muy especial, muy rico, muy sabroso peanod bodhair por trab?

...Blordy cad, she say.

Ged ober eed, I say. I yam retire'.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

My pardy

Ees my borthday.  I gard geef's.  Treads. Fancy food weeth candle (born my forgheen' wheeskairs).  Cad scratch mad weeth cadneep (maghe me ANGREE!). Ribe peaches frarm Nuevo Jorsey. Spreengbok rogby shor'. Reebons.

I yab no forghen' idea how ole' I yam. Feefteen. They say.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

I yam steell porreen'

Eed has been worn year y three mornths seence I paghed my bags to go y be eenjected weeth radioaghteebeedy y espose' naked een a CAGE to a tribe ob forgheen' gerbeels, all een the name ob science y to cure my typhoid.

The treadmen' was berber' espenseeb y was made parseeble by the eencredeeble generoseedy ob Los Amigos de Estorbo (my gard I yab so many frien's!) who gabe so selflessly, weeth no regard por feedeen' their own cheeldren. I, Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana, May He Leeb Forebber, Heear Me Roar Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! ber' gradeful

I was forgheen' traumatize' y peed een my onaatrcteeb forgheen' barx, bod soon (nard forgheen' soon enorf!) I was arn the road home (een a taxi!) to recorbery.

The Smoothman meex me the atomeec keeddy beectory sarng to celebrade.

Y now I yam wrideen' to you frarm Harlem, home of blag cad powhair. Bod I yam home alone ALL DAY. No marches por me. The Wooman ees habeen' fon een forgheen' Cape Town weeth the dreaded Corg, y the Smoothman ees habeen' no forgheen' fon ad worgh [hey, who wrode thees blargpose'?]. Y me? Where ees my fon?! Where ees my bride?! He has his fon! He has his bride! Waid! Snaboudobeed. I thogh I was Neekolas Cage. Thad ees anorder mobie. I am loseen' eed. I tell you. Ees forgheen' cabeen feebhair.

Y now? The final eensol'? My preebelage ob seein' Pebbles, the lorb ob my libe frarm the backyar, one floor below, hab been reboked. The yoomans theenk I woul' nard sorbibe the fall frarm the terrace, or the feline leukemia that Pebbles woul' geeb me. Bod lorb woul' geeb me weengs! Lorb SPEEDS arn leukemia! Ghhhhtptooeee! Y anyway, eben eeb lorb made me seegh, small price to pay por the lorb ob Pebbles. Eed doan' madder nada eef Pebbles ees male or female. I woul' lorb heemhor equally. I larst my keetens a larng time ago.

Anyway. So now there ees a kaka fence between me y the larng drarp to the backyar', y I cannard eben go oud dureen' the day. I spen' my time sleepeen', sweateen' (I wear a forgheen' for coad!), eadeen' cronchee, golden, deleecious, nutreetious, pelleds, y dreenkeen' mucho agua. Nard always een thad order. Repead maaaanymany time'.

Dayeen, dayoud.

Bod when my orpstairs neighbors walgh pas' my fron' door I geeb them recital. Eed ees my especial fusion style of yodel, fire engine, opera, barb dylon y donkey.  Before I was LEFD ALONE all day, I reserb thees especial recital por the Wooman y the Smoothman, bod now I seeng ebery time I heear thad forgheen door open to the streed. Eeeeeds me, Storbie, I wan' sorm gardamn attention! Led me oooooooooooooud!

So the neighbors they email the yoomans y as'...Ees your keedy Ok?

No, their keedy is NARD FORGHEEN' OK! OK?

Sure. I yam ole'. Y washeen' does nard seem as eemportant when I was a freesky young cad. Y I yab baddle scars como my bad claw (sostain arn the roop een Brookleen, bod I weel nebber tell), y my barxer's jaw (I doan' wanna talgh abou' deed!). I yab been through a lard, I yab had an ebentful libe. Y loogh ad me. I yam steel forgheen' gorgeous! I stan' proud - between lyeen' down por larng nabs, ob course.

Bod I yam ready to mobe to Mesa Verde. You see, een Mesa Verde, there ees a bank...Y nard yos any bank: THE bank. Full ob treads y pelleds.

Y thad ees a story I weell tell anorder time. Or you can wadge the mobie.

Por now I greed you, my esteemed frien's. You hab helped me leab a larnger y eentersteen' libe.

Gracias a todos.


Tuesday, July 8, 2014

My awar'

I yam Dominicano. I can taghe the head.

Bod I worn my especial carmendation por endurance arn the terrace een Harlem.

You know whad ees my secred? Doan' tell nobardy, or maybe they taghe eed away:

 (I ornzeep my forr!)

Now can sormworn tell me why the forghe my medal says Cape Argus Cycle Tour???