Where wor you one year ago today?
I was bein' scoldhaird por reepeen' orp anorder Netflighs enbelope.
I h.a.d.e. Nedflighs. I reep them eento tiny leedle pieces. Eef the Wooman woan' rize ad dawn to feed me I fine' a Nedflighs enbelope an' start to reep eed weeth my teeth: reep, reep, reeeep. She can stan' deed.
ESTORBO! she roars frarm the bedroom.
Quiet. Quiet.
Silence...
Reep.
Reep!
Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
Estorbo you %^*^$#ing cad!!!! an' a peellow corms flyeen' frarm the bedroom.
Silence.
Quied as a mouse.
Reep. Reepreeep Reep REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
!*#^$%#^ing cad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
An' she ees orp. An' I ged my breakfas'. She go' bag to bed an' collapbse.
Ees so easy.
Lader I corm bag to bed an' wash an' sleeb sorm more. She ged orp, maghe hor coffee an' hartmeelk an' I ged my halb an' halb.
Dayeen, dayoud.
'Storbie, hint: there's actually a DVD in that envelope. Have you tried chewing on one? Thst'll get breakfast even faster!
ReplyDeleteit's reediculus how eesy they are ta train, ain't it?
ReplyDeletedidja leeve out the part about bein a painter, Es? ya gots a cup of brushes behine ya there by yar sleepin spot. . . ?
~^:^~
So, Netflix wrappers are your weapon of choice? Excellent selection! How does the Wooman send her DVD's back?
ReplyDeleteI like cabinet doors myself ... I open them a little bit and then let them slam shut -- repeatedly. (Almost as good as ripping up Netflix wrappers, I imagine.) If the slamming fails to produce the desired results, I open them full force -- BAM!! -- and go into the cabinets and knock over pots and pans. Give it a shot ... very gratifying.
Ikaika
And here's yet another great method: do the chewing and ripping with a... empty plastic grocery bag!
ReplyDeleteThe sound will drive her crazy and up. Guaranteed.
Or your money back.
ReplyDeletesporran says: with you on this one, bro! I LOVE to make confetti out of any paper or cardboard.0500 hours is breakfast time in my book.
ReplyDeletegeiger says: I have the supersonic purr.Also, sharp claws and she don' like either in her ears.
rusty says: I'm retired;the others work for me and I told them: 5am or else!
When we want breakfast, and there is no sign of movement, Sollie just sits on her head. That nearly always does it. In the few instances it doesn't, he kneads her head WITH CLAWS OUT and purrrrrs really, really loudly. Then her language is nearly as bad as The Woman's (worse actually). But we don't care we get fed our pellets.
ReplyDeleteI saw something yesterday that would keep you in breakfasts for months. Never mind those 'pelleds', how about an 81/2 foot, 200lb sword fish??? I thought of you, Estorbo. Take a look at Flamblog.
ReplyDeleteEet's worn beeg feeesh! Doze guys wore bery pleesed wid demselbs.