Escuse me, I have, egh-egh, bord flu. Egh, tweet.
Forgheen’ bord flu. Whad cad geds bord flu? You ebber seen a bord weeth cad flu? Tweet, miaow??? Heh? Heh? I deedn't theenk so.
Then again, German cads, you know sauerkraut...maybe their immune system nard so good. Oh, you doan’ know whad I'm talkeen’ aboud?...Read the paper, hokay? Hokay. Ees conspeeracy theory to make-a cads starp chaseen’ bords.
Jesus ees a bord (ees larng story). Man, an’ people chase heem, bod they doan’ caaaaaaatch heeeeeeem....Eed ees cold here. I mean forgheen freezeen’, man. Eef I go oud, my forr make-a like a freedge, my feed steeck to the roof. Do I ged any warm meelk to onfreeze me? No. I ged one, count weeth me, ONE shartglasspelleds and a lard ob water. Cold. Water.
Sheet, I yam so hongree. A leedle feesh soup, you would theenk, would nard be too moch trarble. A leedle cheese souffle, maybe, whad ees lighd an’ nutreetious. Bod no: pelleds. Sí, I mean, doan’ ged me wrong or nada, bod, you know....eed’s WEENTER, nard spreeng, WEENTER...comfort food, anybardy, hello?
Maybe I gard bord flu. Then I ged famous. Domeeneecan cad geds H5N1..2 3 4 5 6...heh heheh hehehhhh. Egh.
I tell you, I yam rambleen’, weak weeth honger. I see sparts. A mirage. No. no, eed’s...melted cheese! Before I faind send me news. Any, news.
Yours
Don Es, wasedeen’ away.....
Pee, ess: forgheen' spellcheck
If we lived closer I'd bring you some soup, my friend. Feel better - warmer weather is on the way!
ReplyDeleteOh no!!! Hermano, you must tell her to make you some chicken broth. Yum! We know she is a wonderful chef. Our human makes us chicken broth, and she's only a so-so cook, so I know the Wooman could fix you some soup that would knock out any bord flu that tried to attack you. Tuna juice is always good, too... but I don't know how well it works for bord flu, though.
ReplyDelete'Storbie, you never made much sense, but this is beyond reason. I'm sending you a shrink, pronto.
ReplyDeletePlaying sick--Not a good way to troll for treats. If you do a good job feigning illness, the Wooman might take you to the vet, and you'd get the thermometer up yer tailpipe, and a bunch of needles poking you, drawing blood and giving you injections...
ReplyDeleteConsider the consequences of your actions...
dinah fell off her chair laughing at the spellcheck bit. she says it has conniptions when she writes maori or welsh or swahili, too.
ReplyDeleteif you really are sick, we send you nose rubs. if you're not sick - better watch out, you might lose some roof space privileges, hermano.
rusty, geiger, sporran
Ok.
ReplyDeleteI'm nard seeck.
I was yos seeck an' tired ob nard geddeen' any carmpudhair time.
Stupeed blarg awards. Manana eed weell be obhair an' I can ged bag to whad passes por normal aroun' here.
I hab new food. Evo. Bu Eennoba. The Wooman decided Heells was sheet.
Evo, I mean, Ebo, ees more protein frarm real parts ob aneemals, nard by-products, an' no corn, whead blabla, grains. No vegetables, lighe ordhair fancy foods. Carrots, peas. Rice. Ees grain I know, I know!
Tasdes como pate. She say no more pelleds. Porquewhy? I lorf pelleds, dayeen dayoud. She say too dry. Eben weeth water. She say eed maghes lighe cement een me an' I get...storck.
Opeenions?
OK...we're pleased you are not "seeck."
ReplyDeletePellets OK, but not without other food. Raw fish, chicken neck (raw)
a lick of good olive oil(your wooman would only use good stuff,right?)and fresh water. Should be no more cement.
When we smell chicken necks in the shopping we forget the 'polite boice' nonsense.Tell her!
Glad to hear you don't have bord flu (I knew that all along), but chicken broth is good for attitude adjustments, too.
ReplyDeleteOur human thinks that Heell's is sheet, too, and said as much to the v*e*t-- hahahaha! We get a variety of wet foods, so we don't get bored or develop any allergies to one food over time. For canned food we get Evo (Ebo), Wellness, Natural Balance and Avoderm -- no corn or wheat. (Natural Balance does have some rice and peas) . We also get pelleds -- Taste of the Wild, Wysong and Natural Balance --in rotation. We also get mackeral, salmon, tuna and tuna juice for special treats. She also makes us chicken broth with chicken. I like raw chicken, too, but the other cats don't.