So boreen'

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Waghe me orp when the yoomans ead sormtheen' eenteresteen'...

Three times thees weegh I waghe orp como siempre afthair my pose' deenhair nab an' station myselb ad their chairs to see whad the yoomans are eadeen' por their deenhair. Maybe eed ees steak! Maybeeee...roas' pork! Cheecken!!!

No. For's, macaroni an' cheese.

I.hade.pasta. Whad a tereeble theen' to do to cheese. I lorf cheese. Thees ees cruel.

Taghe eed away.

Then...bottornort squash.

?!? I mean, porque? Por deenhair? A cad cannard sorbibe arn these rations! Squash storffed weeth corn and tomato.

Een short: kaka.

Finally, whad smell so goo' dall ebebeneen', the final eensolt: TART weeth onion an' the Wooman say weeth anchobies. Bod I no see 'em. She say eed ees call' Peess Salad Here.

?!? Dios mio. You can keep thad. Soun's como dargfood.

Times ees more rorff than I thoughd.

I yam dyeen' ob honghair.

The Wooman tole' me hor Mamma ees cormeen' to beeseet neghs' weegh. So I wrode to Meess Kehdi an' Senor Khamel to beg por beeltarng. Doan' worree abou' no sneeffhair beagels ad the airpor'...I know people. I weell call een a fabour.

The Wooman's Mordhair weell be een Nuebo York teell Halloween (hola muchacho). We weell dress orp an' parade een the Billage. Then we weell go to Minetta Tabern por deenhair.

They coogh steagh there.

The Papehair wars

Wornce arpharn a time een Brookleen, was a cad an' a papehair bag.

They was frien's...

The cad made yompa eenside the papehair bag and made essplocion.

Kerpow.

An' thad ees when theen's torned orgly.

Rebenge

Are you goeen' to ead thad?

You shoul' dab seen the yoomans' fazes when I climb' arn the table.

Parp eyes.

I doan seed an the table. I hab manners.

Yes I do.

Bod seence they are theenkeen' I yam so fonny weareen' the clothes, I weell behabe como a yooman an' ead at the table, muchas gracias.

He was eadeen' cheecken soup. Porque he was feeleen' seeck and the Wooman made heem sorm medeecine.

I lighe cheecken.

So they gabe me a piece. They always geeb me a piece. Bod they me yomp to the floor to ead.

Puh-lease.

I yam nard an aneemal.

I am Don! Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana, heear me Roar!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

(Ees nard my fault. I had The Operation onner duress)

Fame

Eberywhere I go, man. Crazee. I yam marbbed. They wan' a piece ob me. They torch my for. They scream Stooooorbieeeeeeeee, we lorf you!

They doan' eben KNOW me!

My libe ees no larngair my own. My mobemends are obserbed. My carckroaches are askeen' por autographs.

I yam receibeen' onnerpands een the mail.

I need to ged away.

I yos wan' to be alone.

Deesgrace

I hab no wor's...thees ees my libe. Be the clown. Amuse the yoomans. Whad do you wan' me to wear neghs'? Lederhosen? Chains? A COLLAR???

You wondhair why I hab an atteetude prarblem. Loogh een the meerror. You weell see the cause.

Why am I the only worn een the house who geds to wear the pands?

Green theeng

My katydeed.

Starteen' obehaire

Fors' ob all, Wooman, Talgh to the paw!!!

You weell nebber guess my new passwor'...Nebber nebber nebber! Eed came to me een a dream.

Secon' ob all, where hab all my dessort eenseghds garn?

I ade them?

Bod I thoughd they wor a sostainable resource?!

I weell carntinue to hont. They are so green, so deleecious.

Thord ob all: why do you loogh so tire'? You had to ged orp early? Hey, I was orp all nigh' lookeen' for dessor' arn the roop? Loogh ad me, I'm fine.

You need to ged some res'...

Serioosly.