Tuesday, December 13, 2011
The carst ob leebeen'...
The Wooman say, Estorbo? We need to talgh.
I say, Whad? You gonna braghe orp weeth me? You can't! I yam your cad. Eed's por libe! Theeck y theen!
She say, No, Estorbo, eed's abou' money. Moolah. Dineros. $$$'s. Een shord, she say, you hab carst ors a lard of morney thees year (y nebbermine' abou' before!) an' you need to carntreebude sormtheen' to the keetty [man, I hade pons]. Doan' ged me wrong she say, as tears started to feell my ojos, I lorb you, we l...
You do???? You lorb me???? I eenterropted.
Sí , I mean, yes, we lorb you cad. Een fagdh I lorb you so moch I doan' know how I weell eber leab weethoud you.
Really? I as'...you yos sayeen' thad, righ'?
No, Estorbo, I mean eed, she say. You are the bes'.
Prrrrrrrrrr (I can' helb myself. I was theenkeen' I yam fire' por bad behabiour. Too moch beggeen' por agua, too morch blag forr, too morch boice, eep etc.)
Bagh to the morney, she say.
Sheet, I say, I though' you porged thad.
No, say the Wooman. Onportunadely nard.
So she essplains to me that ebery mornth my typhoid peells are carsteen': $39.35
My deeleecious peell parckeds por hideen' the peells:$10 a mornth
Ees equal': $49.95 a mornth.
Waid! I say. I yab ron oud ob toes to do the math!
She go arn:
Eef eenternal medeeceene consoltation: $140.00.
Eef blordtesd to measure T-lebels, eed ees $100 frarm specialees' who keess me arn head. I lighe heem.
Eef blord pressure, ees $52.50.
Eef urine, ees $40 (onless the Wooman cadge my pee goo' ad home).
So. She wan's me to helb. WhadammaIgonnado? I yam a cad!!!
So thees ees what I do por now:
I put...smallberbersmallsmallsmallboice...PayPal 'Donate' borton on the righ' side ob blarg. See, eed's there. Blosh.
Ees so embarasseen'. Bod I doan' know how to worgh por dineros. I yab no opposable thormbs.
The Wooman says, Cad?
I say: Si?!
She says, Cad! Eef you esspeghd yoomans to donade their hard-orn' dineros to you, you bedhair peeck orp the pace ob your poseteen'. Starp sleebeen' so morch an' star' bein' fonny!
OK. I say. I try. Bod fors' you hab to ged arf the forgheen' carmpudehair y geeb a cad a chance to orn his keeb!
OK, she say: I try. I try. We try togethair.
So. Maybe eed ees beeg flarp. Maybe I meessaprobriade fonds y becorm a corropd fad cad, eep! Maybe nard. Ees beeg change. Ees change.
I say, I preefhair dayeen, dayoud.
The Wooman say, I know. Me too. Bod you godda roll weeth the ponches.