The carst ob leebeen'...

Sheet.

The Wooman say, Estorbo? We need to talgh.

I say, Whad? You gonna braghe orp weeth me? You can't! I yam your cad. Eed's por libe! Theeck y theen!

She say, No, Estorbo, eed's abou' money. Moolah. Dineros. $$$'s. Een shord, she say, you hab carst ors a lard of morney thees year (y nebbermine' abou' before!) an' you need to carntreebude sormtheen' to the keetty [man, I hade pons]. Doan' ged me wrong she say, as tears started to feell my ojos, I lorb you, we l...

You do???? You lorb me???? I eenterropted.

Sí , I mean, yes, we lorb you cad. Een fagdh I lorb you so moch I doan' know how I weell eber leab weethoud you.

Really? I as'...you yos sayeen' thad, righ'?

No, Estorbo, I mean eed, she say. You are the bes'.

Prrrrrrrrrr (I can' helb myself. I was theenkeen' I yam fire' por bad behabiour. Too moch beggeen' por agua, too morch blag forr, too morch boice, eep etc.)

Bagh to the morney, she say.

Sheet, I say, I though' you porged thad.

No, say the Wooman. Onportunadely nard.

So she essplains to me that ebery mornth my typhoid peells are carsteen': $39.35
My deeleecious peell parckeds por hideen' the peells:$10 a mornth

Ees equal': $49.95  a mornth.

Waid! I say. I yab ron oud ob toes to do the math!

She go arn:

Eef eenternal medeeceene consoltation: $140.00.
Eef blordtesd to measure T-lebels, eed ees $100 frarm specialees' who keess me arn head. I lighe heem.
Eef blord pressure, ees $52.50.
Eef urine, ees $40 (onless the Wooman cadge my pee goo' ad home).

So. She wan's me to helb. WhadammaIgonnado? I yam a cad!!!

...

So thees ees what I do por now:

I put...smallberbersmallsmallsmallboice...PayPal 'Donate' borton on the righ' side ob blarg. See, eed's there. Blosh.

Ees so embarasseen'. Bod I doan' know how to worgh por dineros. I yab no opposable thormbs.

The Wooman says, Cad?

I say: Si?!

She says, Cad! Eef you esspeghd yoomans to donade their hard-orn' dineros to you, you bedhair peeck orp the pace ob your poseteen'. Starp sleebeen' so morch an' star' bein' fonny!

OK. I say. I try. Bod fors' you hab to ged arf the forgheen' carmpudehair  y geeb a cad a chance to orn his keeb!

OK, she say: I try. I try. We try togethair.

So. Maybe eed ees beeg flarp. Maybe I meessaprobriade fonds y becorm a corropd fad cad, eep! Maybe nard. Ees beeg change. Ees change.

I say, I preefhair dayeen, dayoud.

The Wooman say, I know. Me too. Bod you godda roll weeth the ponches.