The low down

I came home frarm the bed an' I was berbery tired. The Wooman say eed's stress. So I slepd an' slepd.

Then she say, Ees time for your peell.

Whad for? I say.

For your places where you LEECKED, she say.

Oh, I say, Fine. Geeb eed it to me. Anytheen' to ged oud ob thees short.

Gracias.

When weell I be bedhair?

The Wooman say, When you starp leeckeen'.

An' we doan' know whad maghes me leeck, do we? I as.

No, she say.

An' the bed doesn't know neither?

No, she says. But ad leas' now we know thad she doan' know an' thad we doan' know an' thad we weell prabably nebber know.

The bed lighed my short, I say.

I know, says the Wooman.

Thad bed ees OK, I say, eben though I make swipe ad hor when she tesd the size ob the collar to put arn my negh eef I doan' starp leeckeen' my tommy.

So you bedhair star leeckeen' your tommy, says the Wooman.

Si. I bedhair.

Bod the anteebioticas weell help, says the Wooman.

Why? I as'...

I hab no forgheen' idea, says the Wooman, They yos weell.

So I go to the roop, to theenk.

Who pud a FARM orp heer??? Eedeots. I weell pee een their tomatoes.

Bod I yam steell berbery sleepy. So I taghe a nab with the Smoothman.

Then I beg por snaghs. Bod NO Snaghs ees new rule, een case ob food allergy.

I yam tellen' you: I theenk I yam allergeec por mango. I lorb eed, an' the Wooman geeb me sorm every nighd.

No mas mango.

Life sorcks.

Weell someone pleease open the door!!! All thees talgh ob mango maghes me need my leedhair tray.

OK, I push eed.

I need to see a man abou' a burro...

Bye bye.