The Wooman has thees foldhair een hor compudhair, een Peectures: Meals Por Me. Een eed she keebs all peectures ob the food she eads. Lamb, Reesotto, Fruid Salad, Macaroni, Cheeckhen, Salad, Fresh Rolls, Reebs. You weell see. She poots eed arn hor blarg. You know she nebber had a blarg? Then I gard worn an' she gard jealoos?Anyway: I doan' see no foldhair call' Meals Por Estorbo.
Why?
Because eed woul' loogh como thees: Pelleds. Pelleds. Pelleds. Pelleds. P.e.l.l.e.d.s.
Dayeen, dayoud.
Two weeghs ago the Wooman boughd FULLFAD meelk, Wholemeelk. My Gard. She poot sorm een my saucehair an' I sorked eed orp lighe nobady's beesnees. Thees ees DELEECIOUS, I said. Then she say, Estorbo, thees meelk ees makeen' me fad: eed has 140 calories per corp an' Nofad has 80 calories per corp.
Boo hoo, I said. Drarp an' geeb me feefty.
No, reeally, she said, I'm goeen' bag to Nofad.
Sheet.
Eed toogh me won weegh to dreenk the storf again. Ebery day she pour some meelk afthair my breakfas' and I loogh ad eed. Dreenk, Estorbo, she say. No! I say. Dreenk, she soyyest. NO! I stan' firm. An' I can stan' preedy firm.
This morneen' I saw the meelk barx an' I deed my meelkdance een hope. She poured. NoFad. Bod I drank.
Whaddayagonnado?
As your attorneys, we'd advise you to meow incessantly until you are given one of the following:
ReplyDeleteFish
Chicken
Fish
Milk
Any food other than pellets is good. You're a lucky kitty to live in a big city like NYC, with its network of rooftops and terrace gardens.
We're likely moving to Arizona after our pet human graduates. ;)
her man o Es,
ReplyDeletehowcum she's chuggin yor milk? i doan get wy ya shuld suffer cuz she's undisiplinnd... they have ther ways, doan they, misteerius ways a ther own.
ya culd tel the Wooman bout pints. Mine gets sumpn called hafnhaf in a pint, it looks like the reglar milk box but tiny. a littul kartun a hevun. mabee ya culd get the lawcats ta negosheeate. a
big box a no fat kaka for her, a tiny box a hafnhaf por ya.
scuse me, i hafta go do the bowlbang afor Mine starts napping.
mmmmmmmm, hafnhaf.
pints.
Where is the world going, 'Storbie? Humans depriving cats of their favourite milk because it makes them fat? Why not take you to the gym, while we're at it? I say go on strike! Completely stop cleaning up the roof from its cockroaches and then when they are crawling all over the place and you are starving, stay firm. Milk will come. Whole.
ReplyDeleteHermano, I feel your pain! But I think tus abogados have the right idea. I meow like crazy until my human cooks chicken for me and shreds it into my bowl with the chicken juice. Yum! But I must be the odd cat out because I'd rather drink the female human's non-fat, organic kaka milk instead of the male human's organic half and half. Go figure.
ReplyDeleteIkaika
Neko y Marzipan: you hab eed good. Arizona?! You weell hab to shabe your forr arf to stay cool.
ReplyDeleteHallow een: now thad ees a good idea. Muchas gracias!
Beence: reeally?
Ikaika: Cheecken. Jugo?
I do miaow lighe crazee, to maghe hor ged orp ad dawn, to feed me pelleds. Doan' ged me wrarng, I lorf pelleds. They are deeleecious. Bod...feesh, cheecken? Sneeff?