???

Hello?

WHO poot the sead down???

Whad ees a cad suppose' to do????

Sonday

I receibed brakefas' een bed. Small blueberry pancaghe, que rico...

Then I wen' oud and essplored the yongle. Eed's crazee, man. Doan' led thees Wooman design your garden. Weeds por brains.

Tomorrow: I lorn to benchpress.

The morneen' afthair...

the nighd before...

I had a pardee arn the roop. Eed when arn a larng time. Eed was gread. I came home dronk. Weeth a frien'. I made noise. The yoomans was sleepeen'. I woghe them orp to maghe the pardee go larnghair. I chased theen's een the leebeen' room. I shouded weeth joy ad 3am. They wor' so boreen'. I tole' them, Nighd time ees no time por sleep. WAGHE ORP!

Thees morneen' they are grompee. They hab no sense ob Humour.

I'll be bag:

I been beesy.

The Wooman

...ees muy strange. Ebery nighd before she ged eendo bed, she lie arn the floor an' make-a stretcha. She stretchde hor bag worn way, hor head anorder. She breathes fonny, lighe steam train. Eed worries me. I wadge, ready por 911. Doan' she know you stredge when you waghe orp? Before sleep you only wash an' maghe bons! She wash, bod she nebber maghe bons. So I maghe egstra.

Whad ees aborf my head? Mosquido ned, ob course. Nuebo York mighd as well be een a forgheen' swamp.

Blue Zoom

Whad ees thees sheet?

Taghe eed away.

Eed's WHAD????

I feel bioladed.

Life arn the whide bed

I yam a blag cad. I sleep arn a whide bed. I doan' shed. I hab all my oreegeenal hairs.

I lighe to chaze streeng arn the whide bed, afthair the Wooman has made eed.

The Wooman ees berbery fossy abou' the bed. Eed mos' be made yos righd. Ask mi Hermano. Eberytheen' has to be smooth.

Afthair I hab played arn the bed eed ain' smooth no more. An' she cannard maghe eed because I pass oud an' you know you nard allowed to waghe a cad orp to maghe a bed.

She says my feets too beeg...ees narn sequitur.

I tell hor, ees OK, you can maghe the bed ladhair when I yam dineen' arn fresh pelleds. Also you can please clean oud my leedhair barx an' add a quarthair eench. Eed's a leedle low.

Por now we taghe a nab, OK?

OK.