The trooth

Whad can I say?

The yoomans came bag yesserday.

Estorbo! said the Wooman as she sad neghsd to me arn the bed where I was tagheen' a nab arn the grey cashmere blanghet.

Estorbo! Beeg smile, sweedboice.

I looghed ad hor. I gard orp. I walkhed away to behine' the filing cabineds.

Can't nobardy ged me there.

B.e.e.t.c.h.

Estorbo!

The Hermano walghs een. Where's the cad, he says. Behine' the fileen' cabineds, she says, sadboice. He doesn't wand to talgh to me.

Forgheen' A, I say.

Estorbo! they say.

They seed arn the bed an' waid. I seed behine' the fileen' cabineds an' waid.

Storbie, they cry, smallhighboices. Lighe you talkgh to two year ole'...or d.a.r.g.

Beetchbeetchbeetch, I say.

I lorf you Estorbo! the Wooman say.

Then she say, I yam sorry.

Silence frarm me.

Bod we are magheen' progress.

So I decide to say:

...eeeeeep...?

Storbie!! they cry, you spoghe!

My gard.

The Hermano lefd the room. The Wooman stayed. I came oud.

You came oud, Storbito!! she cry, floodedweethreliepboice.

Yeah, I say, I need to use the bathroom.

She stroghe me. She peeck me orp. My gard, you are so heaby, she cry, you hab gard so fad!

...an we were doeen' so well, I say. Poot me down!

We're bag, Storbie, she say, we woan' go again.

Yeah righd, I say. Read my leeps: You. Owe. Me.

Beegtime. Wooman.

She broshes me. I porr. Feels gooooooooood. I hab so moch forr.

Then they go oud.

Me: Whad the f&^%#@**&^!! ?????

We weel be bag, they say, we are yos goeen sharpeen'.

I'b hord thad one before, I say.

They corm bag. They ornpag. They open can. Ob feesh. Sardines. They poot eet een my plate. I loogh ad eed.

Haben't we been here before, I say? I doan ead canned sardines!

I corber eed orp weeth eemageenary san'. Scratcha scratcha scratcha...

Sigh.

They open the door an' I see sonlighd. I yomp arnto roop. I go to to rosebush whad geds pardy thrown por eed een spreeng.

I attagh!!!!!

Do you onnerstan' me now?????? I as'. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

To be contd.