blank'/> The Libe ob Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana: The trooth

Sunday, February 15, 2009

The trooth

Whad can I say?

The yoomans came bag yesserday.

Estorbo! said the Wooman as she sad neghsd to me arn the bed where I was tagheen' a nab arn the grey cashmere blanghet.

Estorbo! Beeg smile, sweedboice.

I looghed ad hor. I gard orp. I walkhed away to behine' the filing cabineds.

Can't nobardy ged me there.



The Hermano walghs een. Where's the cad, he says. Behine' the fileen' cabineds, she says, sadboice. He doesn't wand to talgh to me.

Forgheen' A, I say.

Estorbo! they say.

They seed arn the bed an' waid. I seed behine' the fileen' cabineds an' waid.

Storbie, they cry, smallhighboices. Lighe you talkgh to two year ole'...or d.a.r.g.

Beetchbeetchbeetch, I say.

I lorf you Estorbo! the Wooman say.

Then she say, I yam sorry.

Silence frarm me.

Bod we are magheen' progress.

So I decide to say:


Storbie!! they cry, you spoghe!

My gard.

The Hermano lefd the room. The Wooman stayed. I came oud.

You came oud, Storbito!! she cry, floodedweethreliepboice.

Yeah, I say, I need to use the bathroom.

She stroghe me. She peeck me orp. My gard, you are so heaby, she cry, you hab gard so fad! we were doeen' so well, I say. Poot me down!

We're bag, Storbie, she say, we woan' go again.

Yeah righd, I say. Read my leeps: You. Owe. Me.

Beegtime. Wooman.

She broshes me. I porr. Feels gooooooooood. I hab so moch forr.

Then they go oud.

Me: Whad the f&^%#@**&^!! ?????

We weel be bag, they say, we are yos goeen sharpeen'.

I'b hord thad one before, I say.

They corm bag. They ornpag. They open can. Ob feesh. Sardines. They poot eet een my plate. I loogh ad eed.

Haben't we been here before, I say? I doan ead canned sardines!

I corber eed orp weeth eemageenary san'. Scratcha scratcha scratcha...


They open the door an' I see sonlighd. I yomp arnto roop. I go to to rosebush whad geds pardy thrown por eed een spreeng.

I attagh!!!!!

Do you onnerstan' me now?????? I as'. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

To be contd.


  1. I don' blame you 'Storbie....but.... soon.... I think you will all be okay once again. It was a long time for them to be away.... there will be an adjustment period.... just remember she loves you......and you wouldn't have wanted to go traipsing all over on holiday anyway....

  2. First I want to say how happy I am that you are back blogging again, hermano! It's been a long two months, as you know only too well. And I totally understand about the Truth and Reconciliation process ... what? did she think she could just waltz back into your life without consequences? Sheesh!

    And I dunno, but in that picture of you attacking (and rightly so) the party rosebush, you look pretty lean and mean to me ... just saying.


  3. Bomblebee - traipseen'...whad ees thees please?

    Ikaika, - 21 lbs, man, 21 lbs! An' lean, absoloodly. Eed's goo' to be bag.

  4. Hello Estorbo, it's so good to see you back in your blog! Wow you sure gave your Wooman a hard time for being away. We just can't do it...she walks in the door, we rush to her and start purring. Dunno why, she just makes us melt. Her father came to visit today...we covered him in white fur. hahaha!
    Your heart must have sunk when you heard them say "we're just going shopping"...hah, they tried that before! They should have brought back salmon steak though, not canned sardines.

  5. Oy YAY, you are BACK!!! We missed you .....

  6. Estorbo, you are still the man!! Make her suffer just a little but give in when YOU are ready. You have your pride, you know. And she really thought she could bribe you with canned sardines!! She was away much too long!
    Anyway your blogging friends are glad you are back.

  7. Welcome home, Hermano. We missed you.
    Canned sardines? This is so wrong.We bet your Wooman does not write about such things in that fan-cee magazine.
    So...the attack on the rose bush is the carnsequences part of trooth and carnsequences, yes?
    Campaign for salmon, my friend.

  8. So 'Storbie, need us to file a lawsuit against the Woman and the Hermano for you?

  9. Pixie says that you are one very fine and handsome cat, too handsome to be left alone, so next time that woman goes off gallivanting you come here because you too would look glorious in the Pembrokeshire landscape.
    There are a few roof tops here for you, and many many twigs and sticks.

  10. "Cats are only human. They have their faults."

    Kingsley Amis

  11. Incredible how cats can be ungrateful... ;-)

  12. bro' -- enuf wit behin the fileen cabinet alreddy.

    man up 'n come owt.