Estorbo, the Wooman says to me.
Si, I say.
You loogh lighe a beeg, blag torkey, she says.
Como? I ask.
A torkey. You know, lighe a beeg cheecken.
...
You do! she eenseests.
...there ees northeen' to say.
She goes arn: Yes! - eef you yos cart your head arf, and toogh away the tail, you woul' be ready to roas'.
I read your blarg, I say. I know whad you had for lonch. And whad ees more, I say, I onderstan' how you feel. You are threaten' by your appetide, whad wants to taghe control ob your life. Ebber seence your couseens een South Afreeca tole' you you coul' nard ead thad preedy cake, you hab had issues (led me nard star' arn their issues, hello?).
As' me: I know. Pellets. Dayeen. Dayoud. One smallcop. You theenk there are nard days when I doan' loog ad you and theenk, Hm...she loogh como a nice pork butt. Some sage, some lemon, slow-roas'... I coul' feet hor een the oben eef she was onconscious. Fors' I woul' have to cort hor orp een the bathtob, ob course...
Eed woul' be days before she was meessed. An' who woul' they blame? Me? I doan' THEENK so! I yam a cad! I coul' nard do thees terrible, aneemal theen' only a yooman coul'....
I weell be adopted by one of my fans. Maybe Beence weell corm and ged me. He weell be so sad, he weel taghe me to bed weeth heem ebery nighd an' stroghe my for, and I weell porr an' waid for breakfas'...
Hm. I wonder how larng one ob his legs woul' last...?
Hm. I wonder how larng one ob his legs woul' last...?
Don't take it personal Bobo. "She" 's just looking for solidarity. She's "projecting" on you. I'll try and send her a couple of pictures of your cousin-in-law Luritja, that should cure her of ever finding you fat. Hold on to your pellets, man! I was just re-reading about OJ Simpson. There's an idea. A BLACK cat, killing a WHITE woman? Get black cats on your jury, your might even get away with it. Remember, if the flea collar doesn't fit, you must acquit!
ReplyDelete(Note To The Woman: That's a bit political ain't it? Fell free to censure as you see fit. I got carried away.)
Breeg: I hab one can ob sardines lefd. Appropos on northeen'...
ReplyDeleteOh, and Bence? You mighd smell bad bod your suuuuuuuure loogh goo'!
Heheheheh =^^=
Ok all of you, order, order! Estorbo, you seriously need a few couch sessions. Talk about your cathood, maybe you were taken off the milk too early.
ReplyDeleteYou don't seem to realize how critical a situation you are in; turkeys do meet a rather... stuffed end.
In the meantime, reading about worse cases might give you hope. You should ask the woman to read you Boris Vian and Daniel Pennac... ;-)
No spikka Eengleesh...
ReplyDelete