blank'/> The Libe ob Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana: The Horror! The Horror!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The Horror! The Horror!

You know I lighe feesh, righd? You know I'm always askeen' por feesh, yes? You know I onlee ged feesh por my borthday, si?

So. Today the Wooman corms home. Hello Meester Keetten, she say.

Hello Wooman, I say.

Loogh whad I gard por you! she say

Oh? I say.

Yes! she say. Today a geef' basket arribe ad work, wheech ees almose' beeger than thees apar'men', an' een eed ees all these treads, lighe chocolades...' doan' ead chocolades, I say.

I know, she say, Bo' thees ees abou' you, nard me.

Como? I question.

Yes, she say...I brough' por you....

You see, she bagtragh. Een the basket was also theengs lighe crackhairs.

You lighe crackhairs, I say, especially weeth cheese.

Yes, she say, bod nard theeze.

Oh? I question.

Si, she say, Theeze ha' donproponouncable presorbateebs een them.

You no ead presorbateebs, I say.

Ees corregd, she say.

OK. I say. Can we ged bag to me?

Yes! She say. So:

So: I say

Yes, so...I brough' por you [thad's me, the cad Estorbo], a geeft.

Oh? I question.

Yes! she say.


My gard. I was nard esspecteen' thees.

She show me. Small packayge. Preedy (attracteeb) barx ob wile' - WILE' - salmon. [Dreamy boice:]...Once I had wile' salmon. Bagh een the day, arn Fladboosh. Eed carst more than the month's rend. Eed was deleecious.

Wile salon! I scream, yompeen' orp to loogh ad the barx...

Yes, she say, ees smallpiece, all por you.


She taghe eed ou' dob barx. Eed ees smoghe' salmon eenside een foil packayge. I yam waideen'. She ees readeen' package. Thad's yos plain wrarng! she say: How can sometheen' be good onteel 2013?

She open packayge. I maghe a feeshdance.

She taghe smallpiece and tasde.

She swallow. She say.


No.....? Whad you mean, NO???

No, she say, hm-mm, I yam nard feedeen thees to my cad.

I yam nard your cad, I say, I am DON Estorbo della Bodega Domincanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

No. She say, and throw eed away.

Een. The. Been.

There ees no place por my eyes to go. They cannard steek oud any forder. I yam...como se llama... Appalled!

Sorry cad, she say. Really: I yam sorry



  1. Hilarious! Was it bad?

  2. HERMANO!!!!!
    NO NO NO. That is a dreadful story. But you should have smelled something fishy (sorry) at the response to the preservatives in the crackers. These right-on keepers of ours do make life more healthy if not heartbreaking. We wish you fish. Shed loads of fish.x

  3. Love the dialogue. Bobo as soon as Beence gives me your address, I'm sending you your own can of sardines. Christmas gift. Smells like heaven (gag)

  4. Beence? I doan' know eef eed was bad! Was I geeben an arportuneedy to tasde? No!

    Lennie an' Sollie, my brorders...please, send me teecket. Then feesh. For journey.

    Bregeet: I hab nebber med you bod I lorf you.

  5. I lorf you too Bobo, dosty or not.