Caddle Dribe

Sí, Sí, I know I know.

I yab been beesy. Berber' beesy. Eed has been raineen' ebery forgheen' day y the weather ees warmeen' y my caddle are goeen' loco, ready por the spreeng dribe, bod bein' wash' frarm their grazeen' groun' ebery nighd... I yam stress'. I yab to go downstairs y rescue them frarm the gotthair before they are engolf' een the Nuebo York sewage seestem.

Y while I yam tryeen' to maghe strategize, the Wooman, the Wooman maghe bacuum een the aparmen'! WhyporqueWHY? I cannard carncentrade weeth thees terreeble sorckeen' death noise. I flee to the terrace.

(Beetch)

Mornday ees Memorial Day. Forghe: Porque thees ees the day when the caddle moss be colleghded an' mobed to their sommhair grazeen' arn whad the Yankees call Gobernor's Island. Agtually, eed ees called Mesa Verde (ees nice y green). Ees deeffecol'. Ees water eenbetween y the raf' I ordair arn EBay ees nard so, como si dices?...buoyan'. I yam afrai' eed maghe teep een the meedle ob Bottermeelk Channel when a beeg boa' goes pass. The watercab dribers are terreeble. My caddle weell drown. I weell ged wed.

I yab pawed een a peteetion to the yoomans to pleeaseporfabor maghe escor' weeth police boad or we weell nebber maghe eed, bod they yos loogh ad me say, Yes you can. 

Forgh. I yam gedddeen' too ole por theese. Ebery year the same theen'.

Porhaps eef you stan' weeth me, we can persuade the masters ob my uniberse to taghe me serioosly, y probide safe passage por the Crosseen' ob the Caddle.

Sí, se puede!

(Does anyworn hab Rod Steiger's phone nombhair? Oh, he's dead? HE'S DEAD??? You are keeddeen' me! ...forghe...eed's goeen' to be a torf weeken')