The yoomans have been sayeen bad theen's abou' me.
Yos because I was een the Wooman's arms, lookeen' oud the weendow, and she said, Loogh ad the aeroplane, and I started to bide hor arm savagely...Yos because she put me down sayeen' &*%%$ you *&^^^%! An' because I toogh esseption to these words (I bed norn ob you say thees to your cads), an' I came an' stood by hor chair while she was readeen' email, and yos because she felt my maleegnant presence, an' looghed ad me een time to see my eyes blag como coals an' knew I was abou' to make attagh arn hor leg, yos because she toogh the water bottle and gabe me a squort ob meest to onpersuade me, and I ran to the door an' stared ad the yoomans weeth an esspression ob hort and eenocence...
...They started to say -
Thees cad has brain damage. We weell geeb the cad operation to taghe away the claws, so we no bleed no more, to taghe away the fangs, so we are no more een dangehair ob tetanus, and we will de-rasp his tongue so thad he can no more mutilade heemselb, necesseetateen' red coad...Oh! They say, then he weell yos hab gorms an' weell no larnger be able to bide os oud of the blue, or make scratcha arn our tender arms! An' he weel start to leesp! Heeheehee. Also, we weell dribe heem eento the meedle ob the Kgalagadi Transfrontier Pargh and open the door and say, Welcome Estorbo, thees ees your noo bagyard, an', Oh, BTW, eef you see a leopard? - you migh' wan' to knorck arn the gade at Nossob camp and beg them to led you een, sayeen:
Hello? I yam Don Ethtorbo de la Bodega Dominicana. I yab a blarg. I need pelledth. Led me een!
Thereth a beeg cad behine' me, weeth spartth. Eed doan' know my blarg. I doan' theenk eed hath Eenterned!
I weell cadge ratth! I yam a nithe cad!!!!
Thees ees whad the yoomans are sayeen', before they star' to laugh como hyenas.