Weenter

Sheet!

Forgue!

Ged me oud of here! I yam goeen' to freeze my quarks arff!

I yam frarm the Domeeneecan Reporbleec, I yan NARD Canadian! Que frio, man!

I yam LEABEEN!

Bod nard before I maghe scratcha so I can KEELL YOU!

I weell KEELL the scratcheen' larg fors'!

Sheet!

Eed's me, I'm Storbee, I've carm ho-ho-ho-ho home! Led me eento your ween-do-hoho-ho ho?

The yoomans are home

The worl' maghes sense again.

Canadian cads

The Wooman send me peecs ob the cads een Canada. They are crazee, man. They lighe the snow! She say they stan' ad the glass door (yos like mine to the terrazza) an' beg to go oud. The Wooman say eed ees so cole' she die when she go ou'side. Bod the cads go yompeen oud. Beence played weeth them weeth meenee sowball and they chaze' them.

Aborf ees Mees Saphi (que?) the tabbi cad. She ees nine mornths an berber' preedy. I weesh she woul' beseet Nuebo York.

Below ees Senor Pachito arn the righ' weeth whide starckeen's.

My forr ees geddeen' all florfy yos lookeen' ad them. Loco, man.

Nedfleeghs

Well, the yoomans mighd hab forghed arff eento the sornsed, bod my CATtorneys came through!

Nedfleeghs, ead my dorst!

Neko y Marzipan, CATtorneys ad law. Norn bedhair. Anywhere.

I yab yos worn question: where deed thees cads frarm the Meedwes' lorn to speagh Afrikaans?

NAKED

OMGard eed feels good. I yam led oud ob the clothes onnhair superbision.

My forr ees groween' bag arn the shouldhair.

I lorf bein' naked, man. Who knew whad freedom we cads enjoy onteel the terreeble coads an' payamas wor pood arn os?

Yessepd...there ees thees strange felleen' ob shame.

Whad hab they dorn to me?

Whad a weegh

Thees ees me een my recendly deceazed oudfeed, Numero Tres. The Smoothman attemt-ted to make some couture weeth eed an' eed died. So now I yam back to the baby clothes, 0-3 mornths, thees time, porque thees negh size does nard sleep an' allow me to leeck The Shouldhair.

Too morch eenpormation?

Forgh you too.

Si. I yam een a badbadbad mood. ' Melanie who was here arn Sornday nighd, weeth greeteen's an' geeft frarm Halloween, weetneessed my feeleen's:

I heess. I made howl-soun' when they peeg me orp. The Yoomans was morteefied. Ees how say? They say, He's nard usually lighe thees, he ees angry because ob the clothes.

An' the drorgs. Doan' forghed the forgheen' drorgs.

Clava-forgheen'- marx. Shorbed down my throad twice a day como a foie gras goosito.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

Meess Melanie brough' a berbery nice bag to deenhair. I thoughd eed was my presen'. Bod my presen' was a cad Dance-hair. Ees wire weeth animales attached to ead an' eed dances een your faze onteell you wan' to keell eed. The Wooman ees so bad weeth the camera (no talen' whad. so. ebber. Tros' me) she has no goo' peectures yed. She say' she weell try again. Whadebber.

Yesserday. So tired. Sleepeen' arn plaze mads. See? New oudfeed.

Tired.

Go. A. Way.

Now.

O.

M.

G.

WHAD EES THEES?????

Tuesday!

The Wooman corms home weeth sormtheen' whad STEENKS!

Que delicioso!

Led me ad eed. Ees presen' frarm lady weeth Moshroom Cad!!!!!

Escuse me? The shreemp ees orp there an' I yam down heer. Ged eed? Ees prarblem! Hello? Hello? Adyost alteetude NOW.

Thees ees fantasteec. Those Wheeskas snags are porgarten. Shreemp Shreemp Shreeeeeeeemp.

Sigh.

Borp.

I lorf Chreestmas.

Pee Ess: gracias Ellen!

I yam a cad!

I yam nard a Barbeedarl!!! Taghe arf the clothes!!! I yam seeck ob dem.

...

...

...

No, waid, I deedn' mean eed, nard...no. Noooooo, nard the Onnattractreeb Grey Barx!?

I weell wear the clothes. They are byoodeeful: manly! I weell wear a blarnde weeg, anytheen'. Call me Barbee! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Cars. Trocks! Noise. Darkness. Rain. Lights. Why are you doeen' theese! I am peeing lighe a champion! I yam dreenkeen my agua, I hab no keedney prarblem, nooooooooooo.

Papa? Help me.

I feel naked.

I howl, I heess, I pand, I waid. The lady bed shave my forr arn my shouldhair. I yam terrify she ees goeen' to poghe me you know where. I maghe a scene.

She geeb me peels to taghe, cream to smeear. Whad. ebber.

She tell me: Keep weareen' the clothes.

Sheet.

Papa...I mean the Smoothman, buy new new besd. Made...por...d.a.r.g

Mediumsize darg.

I yam NARD a forgheen' darg, OK? OK.

Thees ees me.

Dayeen.

Dayoud.

The geeft ob the CATtorneys

Ees arribed por me ad the Wooman's worghe thees weegh, a beeg barx. Full ob peenk peanorts.

Address'...TO ME! Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana-heear-me-roar:

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

Frarm....Neko y Marzi een Arizona, the besd CATtorneys a cad coul as' por: when las' deed your loyjer sen' to you a geeft???

Below: Despide my oudfeed, I stan' tall an' proud! Neko y Marzi lighe me!!!

Especial por the occasion the Wooman taghe my preeson suid arf. Gracias a Dios.

Cheeps! Salsa to las' por a lifetime! Candy! Parpcorn! Norts! Pardeeeeeeee!

Bod then I star' to leeck an' the Wooman pood the suid bag arn.

Sheet.

I essplore the basket. Eed smells deeleecious. I lorf weeckhair baskeds. How deed they know?

I bide eed. Que rico!!!

The Wooman meexes sorm Margaritas. Eed's time to ead...

The blue cheeps are my faboureed: cronchy, yos como pelleds.

Gracias Neko y Marzipan y your clerk, Neil. You are bes' legal help een the Wes'!

Keeckeen eed orp a nartch...

All I need ees a beret an' a forgheen baguedde ondhair my arm.

The Wooman ees ad worgh. The Smoothman wen' sharpeen' por bebe clothes. Por me.

Dios mio. When weell eed en'?

All a cad wanted to do was wash a leedle.

Yoomans.

Ordhair cads

Sormworn has been cheeteen' arn me.

Am I nard goo' denorf no more?

Bioladed

...ees whad I yam.

There was some talgh een my carmments 2 poseds ago, abou' my "fichu", my "larkett", my "beeb".

Sheet. Couldn't you hab dorn me a fabour an' kepd your beeg mouths short???

LOOGH WHAD THE WOOMAN HAS DORN TO ME!!!!!


*&%*^^$#

Whyporque??

Todal oberreaction.

I hab small plaze arn my shouldhair, whad I yab been leckeeen'. Leeckeen' leeckeen' leeckeen'.

So whad? Ees my forr.

Bod the Wooman say eed ees open woun' (muy pequeno) and I mos' wear a collar. She feel ber' sorry por me (thees mos' be a Fors') and so she cort a sarft collar oud ob a Damask nabkin. The alternateeb, I yam told, ees plasteec collar or cadsuit.

Sheet.

She has poot Bactroban, ees South Afreecan antibioteec, arn the smallplace (muy pequeno) and thad ees whad I yab been leeckeeen' arf!

She says they weel Obserb me to see eef eed worgh.

Shordly afthair she toogh thees peec I heed the camera. Pleease to remembhair, I broghe the las' camera.

Obserb thad, I say.

Doan' forgh weeth me.