Ees sayeen' the Wooman to me, Estorbo, we hab un pequeno mouse problem.
Y she loogh ad me.
Mouse, I say. Whad ees "mouse?"
Small forry creature onder de floor, she say.
So? I say.
Also onder the freedge, she say.
Oh, I say, Si, I hear' scratcheen' noise onder the freedge. Eed corm frarm downstairs through hole. Ees many holes onder the floor.
Whadebber, she say. Can you cadge eed?
Me? No.
...
Como? She say. You are a cad!
Forgheen' Einstein, I say.
You mos' cadge eed!
No forgheen' way, I say. Mouse ees dordy, eed no wash eeds feed. I ged forr een my mouth. Kaka.
You are FIRE! she says.
Bide me, I say.
Bod I maghe carmpramise, I say: Whad eef I geeb you muy especial, muy rico, muy sabroso peanod bodhair por trab?
...Blordy cad, she say.
Ged ober eed, I say. I yam retire'.
I understand the Wooman's request, even though she should know better by now, because you are, after all, a cad. However, I'm sure you caught many mice while living een la bodega and have earned your retirement. Providing the peanut butter was really quite generous of you, Estorbo.
ReplyDeleteCats catching mice. A stereotype to be resisted at all costs, according to my Lottie, who stands with you on the matter of your visitor.
ReplyDeleteFloorboards? Seems to be the responsibility of the landlord, hermano.
ReplyDeleteGeiger y Sporran
Ah, Estorbo, I could send over my sweet little tortoiseshell firecracker, Flora Mittens, who would sort your infestation in an instant.
ReplyDeleteShe is tiny and determined. She has been given a collar with a bell in the past, but this does not stop the killing. Anything from bats to moles (HOW?) and most mornings I am greeted by a dismantled feathery/furry offering on my toaster. She is already packing her catnip and booking a flight...x
Where there is one mouse.... there is a thousand meeces. This is a job for a beeeger cad!
ReplyDeleteHave you tried mint essential oil?
ReplyDeleteyou are right Estorbo, only a starving cat would eat a mouse. but to get rid of a mouse, the best way is to find the one big hole and close it
ReplyDeletemy cads also don' do mice or rads
ReplyDelete