The onbearable heabiness of no blargeen'

 Sheet.

How ees a cad sorpose' to wride a forgheen' BLARG, dayeen dayoud,  when he doan' be geeben aghsess to a forgheen' carmpudehair??

Madre di dios. Ees a deesgrace. I theenk I weell go to leeb weeth those wile' cads I heear ou'sie een the nighd, seengeeng een freedom.

The Wooman's redeeculous labtarp went kaput so por weeghs she ees waideen' por the new worn to arribe, an ledmetellyou when eed does eed ees goeen' to loogh fonny. Waid an see. Aghd sorprise', I deedn' say northeen'.

So the Wooman and me we hab been fighdeen' ober wheech carmpudehair to use and I try to use the Smoothman's desktarp bod the theeng loogh y aghd como un forgheen spacesheep. You press a boretorn and WHOOSH smoghe star's to corm oud ob holes y the screen goes fonny y my forr stan orp y my tail increase een bolume y I ron away.

Same theeng happen when the Wooman try to use eed, BTW. Eed's nard yos me. The theeng is corse', I tell you. Y ad hees carmpudehair ees where I mos maghe my peectures porque he has Photosharp, so no forgheen peectures, no forgheen blarg!!!

I yam goeen' to Sue. (Why does eberybardy say thees? Can sormworn porfabor yos tell me where does Sue leeb, an' how does she feex so many theengs?)

Meanwhile I yab foun' a secred plaze to hide arn the rooftarps, where noworn can fine' me. I deesappear por hours.  Ten days ago the yoomans made sorch por me een the nighd, cryeen' Storbeeeee, an' carryeen flashlighds an' loogheen' down cheemneys, an' the man goeen to the streed een case I fall down. I scare them good. GOOD! Thees weell teach them to tread Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana weeth respeghd!

I deman' an iPaw. Now!

I weell be bag. These starbation ob blargs poseds ees ad an en'.