Hola.
Ees me.
You steell there?
Sormtime' I yam een my blue collhair, sormtime' I yam oud ob my blue collhair. Guess wheech I preefhair?
Also ees new debelopemen':
Ees water bardle, whad maghes sqortsqort. You know pssssht psssssht?
Why ees thees? Porque I yab habeet ob wakeen' orp the yoomans ad 3am to feed me. Ees nard my fauld. Ees the fauld ob the Smoothman who use' to corm bag frarm worgh ad 2, 3 een the morneen' and maghe me so essited thad I woul' beg and beg and beg... He ees now bag ad home wheech ees ber' goo' por me, BOD I yab steell the habeed ob when he came bag ad thees time, an' eed maghes the yoomans crazy, especial' the Smoothman who was nard geedeen' his sleep porque he say I waghe heem orp so moch an' he geds orp to feed' me to nard deestorb the Wooman's resd.
So the WOOMAN (who else???)...gard squort bardle and when I say eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep een the nighd she go Sqort! an' a meest ob agua weeth labender smell - like kaka - corms oud and I ron away! I yam now arn my thord nighd ob "traineen' " an' the Wooman tells the Smoothman eed ees goeen' berber' well. The fors' two nighs she gard no sleep, jajajajaja. So tire' een the morneen'.
Now I yos maghe smalleep lighe een the ole' days an' she say she can leab weeth thad.
Also ber sneaky ees she an' the Smoothman hab swabbed sides een the bed so now she ees arn the side ad the door where I beg. The Smoothman ees so nice he geeb me anytheen' I wan'. The Wooman say I yab heem wrabbed aroun' my leedle pad.
Ees true. He ees nice man. She ees the Enforcehair.
So embarrasseen:
My bag leg ees geddeen' bedhair. Bod sormetimes I leeckleeck an' then eed ged worse, so the Wooman leds me oud ob the collar only ondhair superbision.
Bod weareen' the collhair ees problem going to the leedhair tray, you know, because when I yam feeneesh weeth the Serious Beesnees, I mos put my nose down and sneeff so I know where to corber opr, an' twice I put my nose down and the forgheen' collhair ged push' eento you- know-whad, so when I corm orp I steenk! My gard, who made thad smell?! I as'.
They call' me sheet head.
So then the Wooman taghe the collhair arff my head queek and washwashwash eed and I smell como labender.
Doan' you weesh you had my life?
Now, when the Wooman heear me goeen' to the leedhair tray an' makeen' scratcha een the san' she rosh afterhair me an' taghe the collair arff so I can deep my head to sneeff weeth safety, and also so I can maghe wash' immediate afterwards.
...
So you can see way I yab nard been wrideen'. Ees deefeecult to wride thees. Ees so ondeegneefy'.
The Wooman says fors' I yam geddeen cad seet-hair Lucy por Chreestmas, and then I yam geedeen' cad seet-hair frarm berber' far away, she say eed ees sormeone I know, an' I mos' be nice. I yam nice! I yam unique! I yos hab some Issues. Lighe the two YOOMANS I leab weeth.
Dayeen. Dayoud.
I love you, Estorbo.
ReplyDeleteOh dear! Estorbo, I will share a secret with you. A secret I did not tell your wooman. I wake up in the night, too!Maybe you will have to squort me with the labender water?
ReplyDeleteWooman? Whad. Ebber!
ReplyDeleteMIT - you an' me, we're made por each order, baby!
Labender water? Squort boddle? Sheet head? Hermano, I had no idea! I get the squort boddle, too, but not for making eeeeeep! But just wait ... things will be great when the cad seet-hair arribes from berber' far away!
ReplyDeleteI must say, you sure aired your dirty laundry tonight, Estorbo! LOL! But nothing you could say or do would turn me away from you...not even your sheet head. However, I do believe that if I were the wooman, I too, would have to end the middle of the night munchies that you insist on keeping. Us gals must get our beauty sleep! Lavender, after all, does smell better than poo from the litter box...eh?
ReplyDeleteYour story has made me laugh and brightened up a wet, miserable Monday morning!!
ReplyDeleteOh, Estorbo.... I feel the wooman's pain, not yours. She must get some sleep at night so she can take care of your sheet head during the day. Poor wooman.
ReplyDeleteSuch a wonderful way to begin the week! I am thankful for you, Estorbo, and for the Wooman and the Smoothman. Dayeen Dayoud!
ReplyDeleteyour comrade enrique in connecticut is wearing a blue cone tambien.
ReplyDeleteit is NO FUN!
I love you too ! We love you !
ReplyDeleteSoosan, BleedNess, Oliber, Virgeel
and that first photo, that portrait of you sitting in your roof top garden with the beet red wall - stunning you are a berry, berry handsom cat !
Estorbo, you are well on the way to becoming a living saint, we know, but the Wooman has already earned her place in heaven. Be thankful it's lavender, and not orange or lemon...
ReplyDeleteA living saint... What an interesting concept. Saint Estorbo. We need a statue. It's much better than a martyr.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I also like Estorbo S.H. Inc.
I yam geegle again, sry. Sheethead *snickhair* ees kin' ob fonnee ju mos' admeed. I yam nod laugh ad ju Estorbo,ees truthe, ees yos thad ju tell soch a worndhairfool story abou' jur Wooman and the Smoothman and thair eesues, poor theens. I weesh ju all goo' lock.
ReplyDeletewhat a great story and well worth the wait - dayeen dayoud - we wait por estorbo
ReplyDeletewhat a hygienic quandry you have
and how sneeky the wooman and smoothman
so if you had your choice - is it S.H. over labender?
Sheethead. tehehehehehehehehehehe
ReplyDeleteStorbeeeee - you have a hard life.
Do you want to come and live here ?
Nonono - cancel.
Dis regtig hilarious. Btw, hoe lank neem dit jou om dit so goed in hierdie aksent te skryf? Dis bloody marvelous.
ReplyDeleteOh Storbito, who are these people? These humans? Patience my friend. Besitos to you at this holiday season.
ReplyDeleteEstorbo, you have the same early early morning habits as our Lola, and it has nothing to do with a previous schedule. She knows she can get to the Big Man in the home - he will always feed her after a good claw to the small of his back at 3am. She only tried it once with me....
ReplyDeleteIt's good to see who rules the roost in your house! Crack the whip, Estorbo -- more cream, more cream!
ReplyDelete