The bes' par' ob the day

Gimme-gimme-gimme-gimme-gimme

Peeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeds!

Northeen' stays the same.

Theen's hab change' aroun' here: I hab to be careful.

I hab to be alert. Senses awaghe. Ready por anytheen'...

Loyal, also. Well-behabe'...

Eed ees no larnghair two eemmeegran's leebeen' togethhair, me an' the Wooman.

Soddenly, I yam an alien.

Lighe a mouse en a trap.

Lighe a carckroach arn the rooptarp (speakeen' ob wheech: WHAD happen' to the carckroach I brough' home las' nighd as a geef'??? Eed was enourmoos; I had been farmeen' eed free range arn my roop por years! Deesappear. Garn...you see whad I mean? Northeen' ees safe no more).

The Wooman ees now the Boss. She ees Americana. She can keeck me oud anytime eef I doan' aghd goo'. Sen' me obhair the fence an' back to the steecks.

'Ees geebeen' me a headache.

I heerby declare arn oath, thad I absoludely, an' entirely, renounce and abjure [Que?] all allegiance and feedeleety to any foreign preence, potenate [sorry Fidel!], state or sobereignty ob whom or wheech I hab here24 been a sobyect or ceeteezen: thad I weell soppaw' and defen' the Wooman and the laws ob the Wooman agains' all eneemies, foreign an' domesteec: thad I weell bear true faith an' allegiance to the same: thad I weell bare claws arn behalp ob the same when required by hor law: thad I weel pearform narncarmbatant serbeece when require by the law ob the Wooman: thad I weell pearform worgh ob Wooman-deemed eemportance onder Yooman direcion [theese sorks] when required by the Wooman's law [Dios mio]: AND thad I taghe thees arbleegation freely, weethoud any mental reserbation, or pearpoise ob ebasion; so help me Beeg Cad een the Sky.

Oh, say can you see?

Smelleen' the Wooman

The Wooman came home an' wen' oud to water las plantas.

I said, STARP!

S.N.E.E.F.F!

You smell: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...


You smell lighe...a Woomancad!

A lady.

I wan' to meet hor...

NOW!

My weeken'

I ate the Japanese grass. Again.

I threw orp. Again.

Stay away, Wooman. Thees ees my grass now. You keep your weadgrass kaka. I'm warneen' you: my lefd hook ees muy formeedable.

Sonday morneen':

I lay een bed arn the Wooman's book.

Ees boreen' book.

So self-eenbolbed.

Eed made me tired.

I relaghsed.

I thoughd abou' the mobie I wadged las' nighd: Bolt.

Ees fonny.

Abou' a stupeed d.a.r.g. an' cad weeth brain.

I lorb Nedfleeghs.

Zzzzzzz

Maybe I shoul' be een the mobies.

I can play dead, too.

I yam ready por my close-orp now.

Nighd arn the tiles

Thees ees my worl'...Thad ees my skyligh'.

I yam standeen' arn the borhair orb my roop an' the roop ob...the bandido.

I yam proteghteen' the Wooman, who ees weeak an' terrified.

The moon ees full. The bandido ees hideen'.

Oh bandiiiiiiiiido? I yam lookeen' por yooooooou.

I weell waid.

I weell keep wadge.

The Wooman

You're goeen' to wear thad oudfeed een porbleec?????????