The Libe ob Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana

My ranch

2012-01-24T15:39:00.004-05:00

Where hab all my caddle garn?

(I led heem borrow the passwor')

2012-01-21T10:31:00.002-05:00

Guest Post by the Smoothman

Having been officially designated Personal Interim Manager of Don Estorbo's Estate and Assets, I regret to inform you all that I am not at liberty to disclose confidential factors, including but not limited to, the nature of these assets, their value, investment strategy or rate of return, nor can I reveal the identity of key partners without a signed agreement and waiver of feline and human liability.

I can and will say that Estorbo and I have been meeting twice daily to discuss his practical and economic goals, establish a budget, design a safety net, set aside a treat-and-goodies spending bucket, investigate specific market portfolios, verify his health insurance coverage, map out his retirement plan, draft a will and review his nap time and litter box results.

It is not always easy. The kitty, I mean, He, comes from a ghetto bodega. He grew up with nothing. His recent status and success are only the consequence of relentless hard work, dedication to blogging and the occasional bribe. But there are many complex concepts he still struggles to grasp.

He is driven, however, and insists on studying the lives of his greatest idols, the late Steve Jobs, early President Obama, Señor Coconut and Bagheera the Panther to name a few. "Success leaves clues," he says. "I will be the Sherlock cat of my generation and you can be my Dr. Watson." He is hoping to be selected for a talk on TED. He already has a topic. "How I survived the unattractive grey box and created a Paypal account in 15 minutes."

So he grows more and more concerned about finances. For instance this morning, he was asking about investing. I tried to explain things in simple terms and street-smart pictures.

"Money in your pocket," I said, "is always the quickest to go. Think of it as the pellets already in your bowl. A great sight, a good feeling but the next thing you know they are gone and you are still chewing."

He nodded and purred a bit.

"Then," I continued, "there is your bank account. Money there is safer, as the effort to reach it is greater. It will last longer and allows you to plan ahead."

He was listening carefully, having perked up at the mention of something lasting longer.

"So the bank is like your bag of Wellness-Indoor Health pellets under the kitchen sink," I added.

I stroked him under the chin for a while. No, this is not me sucking up to the big boss, it's part of symbiotic business relationship.

"Finally, there are investments. These are the tricky kind. They are volatile, subject to market moods and they can turn against you like a raccoon backed up in a corner."

Estorbo's both ears were now standing straight. He once had a violent encounter with a raccoon and to this day, the outcome remains unclear.

"Investments would be the pellets you spit out when you eat too fast and which roll out of sight under a ledge or the carpet, and are left there to prosper or rot. You forget about them for a while and might some day have a wonderful surprise, or a big disappointment."

"So what happens when I get sick or throw up a fur ball?" he asked to conclude the briefing.

"That," I said, "is a Stock Market crash. You thought you were wise, secretly liquidating your furry assets, and then bang, something goes wrong, the whole thing blows up in your face and all your pellets shoot out!"

Delleeberyyyyy!

2012-01-21T03:41:00.002-05:00

Dire straids

2012-01-17T15:30:00.001-05:00

Hombre.

Mos a cad ead dry strawberries??

I mean, wtforghe?

Can a cad nard hab sorm cadgrass?

(Houacl?)

I am fine!

2012-01-15T15:51:00.002-05:00

Photo: the Smoothman

My blord tes' came bag goo'! My typhus lebels are where they should be, afthair I taghe higher dose drorgs...****!

I mos' carnteenue to taghe the forgheen' peells dayeen, dayoud. Was THREE veds loogheen' ad me. My gard.

Y guess whad: I was keess' THREE time arn the head, by Dr. Slade. He ees audacious. I howl, I growl, I seeng, bod I deed nard bide. (I theenk.)

Eben though the Smoothman taghe my personal pee een my personal bee bartle afthair he eenterfere weeth me een my leedhair tray (I moss steel call 311 por thees eenbasion), the bed, I mean ved, eenseest arn "sterile" sample. Por favor. Does he nard know the Smoothman ees Canadian? How sterile can a person ged?

Whadebber.

Eep. I hade the urine sample (smallboice).

An' eed was cole' een Nuevo York today, man, freezeen'. My onnatracteeb grey barx ees bentiladed!

Gracias to my ved ad VERG por treadeen' me weeth respeghd. You rarck. I nebber say thad abou' no bed, I mean, bed (sheet), ved, before. Ebber. Yos neghs' time maybe doan' squeeze me so moch, OK?

OK.

Wheech remine' me:

***! OK: WHO knew the peells wor een my forgheen' YOGUR'????? WHO?

Dayeen, dayoud

2012-01-13T17:20:00.001-05:00

Manana I go the ved.* Een the onnatracteeb grey barx.

Sheet.

They taghe my blord pressure. They taghe my blord. They taghe my pee eef ~~the Smoothman cannard cadge eed~~ I maghe eed deefeecol' por the Smoothman to cadge eed ad home (Idoan'wannatalghabou'deed). They geeb me more peells.

Meanwhile. Where the forgh ees weenthair? Las' time thees year I was een igloo.

*Hombre. My ved wrode to me arn Fazeboogh (ees my Frien'!) - I yam een trouble:

"Dear Estorbo -
As much as I enjoy reading your blog posts, please try to find some time to pull yourself away from typing (pawing?) to have a recheck. I don't like that you are always thirsty and we need to check your typhus and your keedney levels to make sure that you are on your right dose of medications. Make the Smoothman take you in if the Wooman is still away.
I'm sorry to nag. It's because I love."

Beeg question: weell Dr.Slade KEESS ME, lighe he deed las' time (he tell me ees nard PR, ees because he lorb aneemals)??? You can bode arn sidebar'.

Eeemposseeble to ged goo' helb

2012-01-06T08:31:00.002-05:00

My segretary ees workeen' arn my thank you car's por donations. She ees slow. Now she has ron oud ob the cars an' needs to by new worns. Bod they are made by worn lady een Cape Town who does nard lighe to peeck orp the phone. Y no email. Ees har', ees berber har'. Bod the fors car's are mail' today. We try, we try.

Geeft frarm Afreeca

2012-01-06T08:10:00.000-05:00

Photos: the Smoothman

I yam so esstateec I pass oud.

Arribe een enbelope frarm South Afreeca sormtheen' deleecious. Call Beell Tarngue. I doan' know who Beell ees (was, I theenk) or why they do thees to hees tarngue bod eed ees berberberberber' deleecious. I go crazee. I ead y I porr ad the same time. I grab the empty bag oud ob the trash. Dios mio nebber een my libe hab I tasted sometheen' lighe thees.

Happy happy joy joy.

Estorbo bersus The Peell

2012-01-03T08:15:00.002-05:00

Peecture: The Smoothman

The Smooothman has been defeaded! I now refuse to ead the peell een a tread or een pate, so he as' the Wooman to essplain how she geeb me peell ole' fashion' way. So she essplain:

"Bag the cad orp so his bag is agains' your legs so he cannar' reberse.
Weeth lef' hand frarm below gently pry cad's mouth open weeth thormb y meedle feenger.
Weeth right han' parp the peell een.
Weeth lef' han' queeckly close' the cad's mouth.
Stroghe cad teell he swallow."

Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaajajajajajajajajajaeeeeeeeeeeep!

No. Way. Jo. Se.

The Smoothman wride bag:

"I yam afraid to breagh the cad. He woan' open hees mouth."

Estorbo 1, Smoothman Zero.

I ged no more peells. Eenstead, I ged nice helpeen's ob peach yogur', twice a day, 12 hours apar'. The recipe mos' be a leedle deefferen' because eed tasdes a beed more asserteeb. Bod ad las' I yab trained the Yooman.

Score.

!Feliz año nuevo!!!!

2012-01-01T03:23:00.003-05:00

I yab started the Nuevo Year as I mean to carnteenue - I washed. Thees ees porque my forr ees lookeen' floffy.

The Smoothman ees now my official portraid artees' y I yab made eed muy clear to heem thad eef he wan' me to pose' he need to geeb eencenteeb. Lighe treads. OK - the Wooman as' por peeeeeeectures ob me? She blame lag ob peectures arn you y she maghe you loogh bad? You wan' to eempress hor y maghe hor lorb you more? Yes? OK. How moch ees eed worth to you? One tread? I doan' theenk so, bordee! Show me the bag. Thad's bedhair. OK - shoot. No, thad ees nard my goo' side. Thees way. Are you sure the ligh' ees righ'? Doan' maghe me loogh fad. OK -

...shoul' we do sorm nudes to show to my ved Dr Slade neghs' weegh? I yam feelleen' arteesteec:

Pour me sorm meelk.

Deceit

2011-12-26T15:36:00.001-05:00

Ees carnspeeracy.

Por many weeghs now...mornths? - the Wooman has been gebeen' me deleecious snag twice a day. Fors' I hear raddleraddle, an' I corm ronneen'. Then I hear craghlecraghle, an' she prepares the tread. Then she geebs the tread to me. Ees ber' goo', como teghsture ob peanod botthair weeth flabour ob cheecken.

Then the Wooman leab. Weeth suitcases. Ees serioos.

The Smoothman stay. Maybe she no ligh heem and me no more? We are lefd behine'. Like dargs by the side ob the road. Dargs - she no need them.

Bod I heear raddleraddle lighe usual. Craghlecraghle. The Smoothman geebs me my tread. Bod the shape ees deefferen'. Was roun', now eed is pentogram. I chew, sospicious. I tasde sometheen' terreeble. I SPEET!

Ees forgheen' peell. Eenside tread. Heedden.

Ees decepcion. Corber orp.A beil ob ontruth.

Now I mos' as' myselb. Ebery tread has been a lie?

Whadebber. Now I know.

When een doubt: Speet.

My geeft

2011-12-21T12:40:00.000-05:00

Arribed een a barx frarm Meester Frank. My own personal No Dargs sign. Kaka. I pud eed arn the terrace een case ob roofdarg. You nebber know. You wan' worn, you talgh to Senor Frank.

Pee Ess. The Wooman ees leabeen' me y the Smoothman. I doan' know why. I doan' know eef she corm bag. Maybe we wor bad. She say' my howleen' por agua NOW ees dribeen' hor loco. She taghe hor labtarp weeth hor y I mos' lorn to use the monster belongeen' to the Smoothman. Ees carmpleecaded. Bod ad las' I weell hab a reeal photographer to taghe my peectures. No more ob thees amateur sheet. OKOK she's OK. Bod the Smoothman ees BREELEAND. He capture my essence.

PeePee Ess: She clean' the terrace!!!!!! Now I know she read my blarg! Jaaaaajajajajajaja.

The truth weell sed you free

2011-12-18T11:08:00.000-05:00

You know The Woman has a blarg, yes? I had a blarg fors'. Then she carpied me. Ees my idea. Y hor blarg ees abou' hor "byoodeful garden". Yes? She wride abou the blueberries, the strawberries, the feeg, the rose' flowers...muchas flores blablabla. She taghe peecture ob preedy terrace, the terrace becorm famous, eed go' arn corber ob booghs?

Well, eed's time to see the real peecture:

Thees ees how the garden loogh'! Hello? Ees embarrasseen'. She ees porpotradeen' an ontruth. Dios mio, how she ged away weeth eed por so larng I doan' know.

So I say: Clean the terrace, Wooman. Because I blosh por you. I blosh. Onder my forr, my skeen ees peenk.

The keeng ob the bed

2011-12-17T19:41:00.002-05:00

Photo: Smoothman

Keessy-keessy?

Estorbo's fear

2011-12-15T19:40:00.004-05:00

Dios mio. I yam reech! We can pay por more blord tesd, y bed veesseet (eeeeeeeep), y peells, y parckets...

I yam so lorcky to hab frien's who are sendeen' me geefts. I cannard beliebe eed. The Wooman weell helb me paw-wride the cards to say gracias, muchas, muchas gracias. Ebery leedle beed helbs. The beeg beets helb, too! I promeese to pose' more to try an' be an entertaineen' cad.

So I though' I woul' star' by telleen' you sormtheen' you doan' know abou' me.

My Fear......ob Death.

Translation por yoomans een parentheses (beeg wor' yes? I know I yam so breellian'. Gracias).

1. The Blag Death (fly screen door. I bang my forgheen' head een the sommhair when eed ees close'! I yompa frarm the roop to the table to the terrace to the floor to the BAM!: the b l a g d e a t h)

2. The Whide Death (mosquito ned ober bed. I HADE eed! ees eenbeeseeble y I ged tangle' y smothair to death)

3. The Sorckeen' Death (forgheen' bacuum cleanhair. I ron, I ron)

4. The Howleen' Death (forgheen' Eentercorm. Dios mio. I hide een the Hole)

5. The Weendy Death (the fan, een Sommhair, eed maghe me go flad. I hade eed)

6. The Cageen' Death (the onnatracteeb grey barx. Bad treep. Berber' bad treep)

7. The Seengeen' Death (the Wooman. Ees terreeble. Hords my years)

Nehghs time: The Boid.

The carst ob leebeen'...

2011-12-13T15:37:00.002-05:00

Sheet.

The Wooman say, Estorbo? We need to talgh.

I say, Whad? You gonna braghe orp weeth me? You can't! I yam your cad. Eed's por libe! Theeck y theen!

She say, No, Estorbo, eed's abou' money. Moolah. Dineros. $$$'s. Een shord, she say, you hab carst ors a lard of morney thees year (y nebbermine' abou' before!) an' you need to carntreebude sormtheen' to the keetty [man, I hade pons]. Doan' ged me wrong she say, as tears started to feell my ojos, I lorb you, we l...

You do???? You lorb me???? I eenterropted.

Sí , I mean, yes, we lorb you cad. Een fagdh I lorb you so moch I doan' know how I weell eber leab weethoud you.

Really? I as'...you yos sayeen' thad, righ'?

No, Estorbo, I mean eed, she say. You are the bes'.

Prrrrrrrrrr (I can' helb myself. I was theenkeen' I yam fire' por bad behabiour. Too moch beggeen' por agua, too morch blag forr, too morch boice, eep etc.)

Bagh to the morney, she say.

Sheet, I say, I though' you porged thad.

No, say the Wooman. Onportunadely nard.

So she essplains to me that ebery mornth my typhoid peells are carsteen': $39.35
My deeleecious peell parckeds por hideen' the peells:$10 a mornth

Ees equal': $49.95 a mornth.

Waid! I say. I yab ron oud ob toes to do the math!

She go arn:

Eef eenternal medeeceene consoltation: $140.00.
Eef blordtesd to measure T-lebels, eed ees $100 frarm specialees' who keess me arn head. I lighe heem.
Eef blord pressure, ees $52.50.
Eef urine, ees $40 (onless the Wooman cadge my pee goo' ad home).

So. She wan's me to helb. WhadammaIgonnado? I yam a cad!!!

...

So thees ees what I do por now:

I put...smallberbersmallsmallsmallboice...PayPal 'Donate' borton on the righ' side ob blarg. See, eed's there. Blosh.

Ees so embarasseen'. Bod I doan' know how to worgh por dineros. I yab no opposable thormbs.

The Wooman says, Cad?

I say: Si?!

She says, Cad! Eef you esspeghd yoomans to donade their hard-orn' dineros to you, you bedhair peeck orp the pace ob your poseteen'. Starp sleebeen' so morch an' star' bein' fonny!

OK. I say. I try. Bod fors' you hab to ged arf the forgheen' carmpudehair y geeb a cad a chance to orn his keeb!

OK, she say: I try. I try. We try togethair.

So. Maybe eed ees beeg flarp. Maybe I meessaprobriade fonds y becorm a corropd fad cad, eep! Maybe nard. Ees beeg change. Ees change.

I say, I preefhair dayeen, dayoud.

The Wooman say, I know. Me too. Bod you godda roll weeth the ponches.

Dios mio

2011-12-12T22:36:00.001-05:00

Whad? Whaaaaaaaad????

Balans' die-yed

2011-12-03T11:07:00.001-05:00

I lorb the weeken's!

Mano a mano

2011-11-22T11:06:00.001-05:00

~~Papá~~ The Smoothman says, I gard your bag, keeddy, doan' worree: sleeb.

I yam here!

2011-11-19T22:34:00.001-05:00

I yam alibe!!!I wan' to cadge thees rumor thad I yam arn my las' legs!!!I yam nard arn my las' legs. I yab four legs y I am standeen' arn every worn ob them.Dios mio, the drama. A cad loses hees breakfas' an' all hell breaghs lose. You hear the funeral march, you hire the marcheen' band frarm New Orleans, theese beeg blag cads weeth tubas y trarmbones y beeg appetides (they ead all my yogur') show orp y ask me, Where ees the casket???WTF?I yam fine! Stupeed wooman. Oh Estorbo, he ees dyeen'...whad weell I do weethoud heem, my forry frien'....I am FINE. F.i.n.e.

The roop looghs lighe sheet, Wooman, you need to tidy eed orp.

Can you see me now?

Wha' abou' now? Yes? How do I loogh? I tell you: nard dead. Dead cads doan' walkgh y ron arn the roop. Seeck cads do nard worgh por SETI.

Can you see me now?

(Because I can see you...)

Slideshow ob me!

2011-11-13T11:45:00.001-05:00

Eef you doan' hab northeen bedhair to do, here are a meellion peectures ob me, starteen' een 2006, when the Wooman started to taghe peecture weeth deegeetal...I yam an interesteen' cad, yes? I yam nard feelleen' so good today, so the Wooman say we shoul' loogh ad all the time we hab together, goo' an' bad. You weell see the peectures ob me een clothes: thees is 2009 y 2010, when I was leecky-leecky. You weell see peec ob me weeth beeg eyes, when I was drorged frarm unblarckeen' ad the ved. You weell see me arn the roop, arn the terrace, een weenter y sommer... I yam everywhere, heear me roar: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

Zzzzzzzzstredge

2011-11-09T09:48:00.000-05:00

Whad? You're keeddeen'...Maghe the bed?

Jajajajajajaja.

Go.

Away.

Cad seedhair poseetion has been feelled

2011-11-06T11:54:00.004-05:00

Meester John Rosh frarm Massachusetts weell be dribeen' to Nuevo York to looogh after me while the Wooman y Smoothman ride the Adeerondag train aaaaall the way to Montreal, habandoneen' me to my fade.

Meester Rosh ees blarg reeadhair y say he has bacation days due so he corm to the seedy two days orly, meed the yoomans, y then we pardy por four days. I hope he doan' wear Teemberlan' boods or I hide. The Wooman say he ees nard carnstroction worghair; ees scientees'.

He maghe essperimends weeth me, smallboice?

No! I know! We can blow orp the forgheen' squeerel!!!

BOOM!

Meester Rosh you breeng your equeepmen', yes? I know how to torn arn the gas...

My treep bag to the ved

2011-11-04T21:22:00.003-05:00

See, here I yam a happy cad. No worries. Lookeen' ad the Wooman, who ees smileen' ad me. I know nartheen'.

Then I hear eed! The soun' ob the onnattracteeb grey barx!! I ron. I hide een the cornhair! She ees careful y cannard grab me or she breaks all the glasses arn the dreenks tray.

Bod I maghe taghteecal meestaghee y leab thees safe place y try the order corner by the freedge.

She cadge me.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

She carry me down' Congress Stree', righ' on Cour', lefd down forgheen' Warren. Bompa bompa bompa. I see people. Traffeec. Dargs.

We ged to the ved ad v.e.r.g. Veterinary Emergencia Referral Group. Ees where my Eenternal Medeeceene Specialeest leebs. Fors' we waid een the waideen' room. I as' to ged oud ob the barx y for the fors' time I waid arn the Wooman's lab.

Then we wade een Dr Slade's room. Again I waid arn the lab. They weigh me. I yam orp worn poun', I yam now 17.9 poun's. I yam seengeen' y growleen' all the time. The fors' Dr whad examine me before Dr Slade says I yam a Panther. Damn righ', I growl. I theen' she ees a leeddle scare' por me.

I geeb them more blord. Also pee. The Wooman FORGARD to taghe my pee sample. Sorb hor righ' eed cost $68 yos to esstraghd my pee! Ees terrible.

Then we go home. More peells, y I smell como robbeen' alcohol. Ad home the Woooman wibe my baglegs weeth wed towel to taghe away the vedsmell.

Today the ved call the Wooman. My T-4 (thyroxine, ees hormone I produce too moch) lebel ees down frarm crazy T-19 to T4.5. The ved wan' eed more low so he wan' I taghe more peel.

Whadebber. As long as I doan' hab to go bag.

Dios mio.

So tire'

2011-11-01T15:39:00.001-05:00

Por Halloween' I yab a dreenk. Then I go the the parade een the East Billayge.

Then I corm home y I pass oud.

Por 24 hours.

Wooman? Go. A. Way.

I can steel see you.

Bzzz!

Call me Carmen Miranda

2011-10-30T20:01:00.002-05:00

Happy Halloween...

Eeentrudehair

2011-10-29T00:21:00.003-05:00

There ees a RAD arn the terrace! Open the forgheen' fly screen!!!!

Sheet! Ees nard a rad. Ees SQUEEREL!

Blag lighe me. Whadtheforgue?

I weell chase you to the en's ob the orth.

I weell nebber sorrender.

Cad seeder por Thanksgeebeen'

2011-10-27T12:57:00.005-05:00

I yam lookeen' por high maintenance-ready cad seeder frarm Thorsday on Thanksgeebeen' (24th) to Sonday 27th. The Wooman y the Smoothman wan' to go to Montreal. Eef we no fine' the righ' person, the Wooman weell stay to loogh after me. She ees ber' fossy.

Een retorn you ged free threenigh'sfourdays weeth me een Brookleen. Lorcky you. You feed me peell two times a day (ees easy, een tread), you clean my leeder manymany times - I deman' clean leeder. Y eef I throw orp (maybe nard), you clean! Also eef I cry, you geeb me water een bath. We chegh the references berber' careful.

The Wooman says I no wrode goo' carpy por adbertisemen'. I say thees ees my blarg.

GQ magazeen yos vode Brookleen coolest seedy arn planet. Why? Because they hab been asleeb por the las' ten years, seriously. Eed's nard a seedy. Ees a Borough. Blablabla

Bod anyway they mees the poin' Ees the coolest because why?

Because eed ees the home ob Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Orpdade

2011-10-21T18:59:00.003-05:00

Hola. Ee's me.

Ee's been a rorf corpla weeghs. Si, I steel go the the roop. Bod the food. I doan' onnerestan' myselb. I yam hongree, I go to the bowl, I see pelleds, dayeen, dayoud. I theenk: I yam SEECK OB THEES FORGHEEEN PELLEDS DAYEEN DAYOUD.

So I eegnore.

I loogh orp ad the Wooman weeth preedy eyes (my eyes nard the Wooman's eyes) y say...eep? Prrrrr?

She geeb eberyday sorm pieces ob charped organeec cheecken with sorm small negbones, weeth cheecken leeber, ees ber' good. Smallportion. Bod I refuse my pelleds, essepd maybe 12. So yesserday she she go oud again. She corm bag weeth new bag. I read: Por Fossy Cads.

Fossy?

!Me?!

Ees Royal Canin. She geeb me a few, says she cannard sweetch me fas'. I say, Sweetch my now, beetch*! No! She say, No. You ged the squeets eef we go too fas'.

So now I ged some pequeno amoun' ob Royal Canin pelleds weeth the dayeen dayoud. I ged raw organic cheecken. I ged small-leeck yogur' y I steel dreenk my meelk. She say she ees goeen' crazee. She say thees is "carmplicaded."

*Meanwhile my temphair has change'. I yam soooooo frien'ly. No more bide, no more scratch. No more heetteen' the yoomans. No more sweareen'. I only swear here to remembhair my ole' libe.I yam friendly.

I seed een the bath many times, near the water, I howl por the yoomans to keep the water lebel where I can see eed. I also dreenk oud ob a beeg whide bowl, mucho. I feel hongree, bod I doan' ead morch.

Y tonigh' I threw orp, fors' time een two weeghs. I yam tagheen' the peel (methimazole) now essactly two weeghs, een peel parcket.

She say in ten days I go bag to the v.e.d.

Bod the Wooman keebs stareen' ad me, weeth beeg eyes.

Whad mos' I ead?

2011-10-14T14:59:00.003-05:00

The Wooman say' she ees theenkeen' abou' feedeen me RAW MEAD.

She say she ees becormeen' sospicious ob the Hill's Ligh' that ees 50 porcent ob my died (order feefty ees Wellness pelleds). Remembhair I ead dry foo' so she can add agua to my pelleds, orderwise I ged blockage, yes?

Bod now, seence two weeghs, I yam nard ligheen' the agua con pelleds. I dreenk, y then I leab the kaka wed pelleds. I cannar' essplain why. Tasdes lighe sheet. She throw them oud, she geeb me dry, I ead. Also she has been geebeen' me cooghed cheecken when I yam nard eadeen'. Theese ees delicious. Por ten years I yab been tryeen' to train hor to feed me these y now when I yam DYEEN' ob typhoid she lorns. Nard so brigh'.

Bod a ved ees South Afreeca say that theese Hypertyphoidsim that I yab ees new disease por indoor cads. South Afreecan cads no ged eed so moch. Eengleesh cads, yes, Amereecan cads, yes. Maybe ees chemical een houses. Maybe ees een cadfood. Maybe ees een can' feesh.

I doan' know. We hab no chemicals (yessept soap), we ead no can' feesh, I doan' ead can' food.

Bod raw mead die-yed? Forgheen'A!!!!! Breeng eed arn. I yam ready.

She ees goeen' to butchair, now.

Also, she read, to maghe eberytheen' more complicade'. Heells, has yos (Augus' 2011) produce' new typhoid die-yed, Hills Y/D. Ees berber' low een iodine. So now whad???

Maybe she ged me thees food. Eben though she also theenk Heells, dayeen' dayoud, maybe maghe me seeck!

Bod thees new food Y/D eed has only been tesded arn 150 tesd cads ad the Heells ranch. These tesd cads ged bedhair een 4 weeghs.

Should I be a tesd cad?

Should I ead raw?

Whad you theenk?

[Admin: the cat has some issues with English. He has been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, not typhoid.]

I yam nard here.

2011-10-10T15:32:00.003-05:00

I yam nard ready to talgh abou' eed. An' eef the Wooman wan's to pud me een thad barx again, doan' tell hor you know where I yam. Because she doan' know I yam here. OK?

OK.

Thank you

2011-10-08T12:44:00.000-05:00

The cat is looking at me with black eyes telling me to get off his blog already.

But I wanted to thank every one of you for your comments and emails over the last couple of days. Everyone's support, warmth and advice has been very helpful. It's valuable to hear about others' experiences with hyperthyroidism, the treatments their cats have undergone, and especially the outcomes.

I should really compile some of your observations in a blog post titled Hyperthyroidism Treatment for Cats - so that people searching for support can find this info in one place. I may.

Estorbo has taken his first two pill doses with no problem. Although he takes pills readily from me (I've had a lot of practise with a certain vicious-when-pilled Efrican Blek-footed Ket, RIP), we decided to put each half pill in a treat, so that he can be pilled by others in case we are not here; also to make it less stressful. So far so good.

Now we watch for adverse reactions - intense face-scratching, vomiting, lethargy. Hopefully they do not appear.

In the meantime he has a question for you. We discovered this this morning on his foot.

"Whad the forgh happen' to my bag food (seee peecture aborf)???".

We think we know, but do you?

Second Opinion

2011-10-07T14:16:00.000-05:00

This is probably more than anyone needs to know, but it helps me to write it down. The cat will soon be back.

I took Estorbo in his unattractive grey box for a second opinion to the emergency referral vet clinic on Warren Street (VERG - Veterinary Emergency and Referral Group), thankfully four blocks away - he's heavy. I did not mistrust the diagnosis from the Cobble Hill Animal Clinic, delivered by phone last night, but wanted another opinion.

We had a long wait, but it was worth it. I was deeply impressed by the manner of Dr. Inbal Lavotshkin, the emergency vet on duty who examined him first before a specialist talked to us. She had a very gentle bedside manner, performed a methodical exam and asked a lot of questions. And she shook me by the hand. Unusual in these parts. Then Dr Slade, the internal medicine specialist arrived and promptly sat down on the floor to ask the same questions, before examining the cat again. Then back to the floor for his rundown of the hyperthyroidism, which he felt confident in confirming, based on the physical exam, Estorbo's behaviour over the last weeks (years???) and the previous bloodwork results. He said it was not necessary in his opinion to draw blood again. The cat was very relieved, and so was I. $100 less on the bill. He explained all the treatment options, in detail. Pills, surgery, radiation, gel on ear.

By now, with the helpful feedback of so many of you, as well as my own reading, I know a lot more than I did yesterday, and was able to ask some informed questioned.

I realize that getting this news on the phone last night was not a good way to hear it - as I had no grasp of the condition itself and went into panic mode.

For now the kitty will be on daily medication for about a month to see how he responds. He gets half a pill each time, and they even cut up all the pills before bottling them. Wow. Then we will see about radiation. If it is not radiation it will be pills for the rest of his life. They can be custom-packed in edible gels to encourage him to eat them if we are not around to feed him (if we travel). There are rare side effects, and I will be watching for them.

A heart murmur was detected and they recommended that we return in about 3 weeks to see their cardiac specialist. Hyperthyroidism produces too much thyroid hormone, so everything - all organs - tend to work overtime. (It's not called "hyper" for nothing). It can affect the heart, or this may be an unrelated condition.

It may explain the panting we saw in the summer, when something frightened him and he ran, and arrived home panting like a dog.

What endeared me to these vets was their patient and gentle attitude, towards both human and animal. I find that rare. It was not patronizing, there was no overkill. Technicians in gloves did not materialize to pin the cat down (and scare the wits out of him). They took a lot of time. I was in there for well over an hour. And Estorbo was even given a kiss on his head! That is either brilliant PR on Dr Slade's part, or he just likes cats. I suspect the former, but he's forgiven.

The bill, for interest's sake? $202.00. They did not do bloodwork or urinalysis but they took his blood pressure (normal, surprisingly) and conducted a most thorough exam, talked to me forever and gave us one month's worth of medication. The Cobble Hill exam was very brief, but they did the blood test ($100) and tested the sample I brought ($40). Their bill was $218.

I am a fan. And the cat is asleep.

Thank you to each of you for the good wishes, and for your advice. I never realized how much the support might mean, but it has. I am not a team player. I tend to want to do things and manage things all on my own. But in this case it made a difference to know that others were rooting for us. Thank you very, very much, I have calmed down.The Frenchman never loses his calm. He is wiser, by far.

And Estorbo? He says the eep is mightier than the sword.

Message from the Woman

2011-10-06T22:38:00.000-05:00

I know that there are some Estorbo readers and friends out there who care about the kitty a lot. So here's an update.

He has been drinking excessively and demanding (howling for, in the bath) water over the last few weeks. He pees a lot more. He seems hungrier. If that is possible.

He and I went to the vet on Wednesday. I took a urine sample, which he had given me obligingly, by peeing into the saucer I held under his tail (!). They were suitably impressed. At the vet's they drew blood. That was fun. A lot of screaming. He hates vets.

As I was walking up Lexington Avenue this evening, dragging my weekend suitcase, my phone rang. I was on my way to meet Ellen and Michael on the Upper East Side to drive out to their house in the Pennsylvanian woods for the weekend. Vince would join us tomorrow. Estorbo would be fed by the feeder for two nights. On the phone was Dr Young, a vet I had not met before, from the Cobble Hill Animal Clinic. The test results were in and she wanted to talk.

In short: the blood test showed acute hyperthyroidism. That caught me off guard. I had been expecting a kidney issue, based on his history (now 'cured' for years, with water added to his pellets).

She said that a normal level is 4 and that his is 19. Off the charts. I was walking fast, not wanting be late - cabs and traffic streaming by in the dark, me listening to these bad things about my cat. She started by telling me that radiation was a good option. I was shocked. I comprehended dollar signs and death. Then she said that if that is not an option there is a daily medication, lifelong, that is not a cure, but manages the disease well.

I got to my friends, cried briefly, thought for two minutes and abruptly bailed out of our long-anticipated weekend. Ellen and and Michael are cat people whose own cats, Sisko and Seven, travel out with them in their two baskets every weekend. I felt terrible deserting them with no notice but I knew that I had to get home and see the cat and Vince and start planning.

Tomorrow morning I will find another vet for a second opinion ( I trust ours, but it seems common sense for a diagnosis like this). And I will read more. The little I have read tonight makes radiation sound more desirable than I could have imagined, as it boasts a 95% cure. Medication (pill, twice a day, till the end of his life) is not a cure. But I have no idea what it costs, I can just imagine. Thousands. The pills cost $30 a month, and he takes pills well (from me). It may sound awful to be talking money, but we simply are not awash in it. We will find out, and we will think. Things could be much worse.

The good thing is that this is manageable...unless he has a really rare form. But that is premature.

Perhaps this explains a lot. Perhaps he has been afflicted for much of his life. This has always been an irascible cat. Short of temper. Bitey. A hungry, demanding, and recently vocal cat. It used to be just 'eep' but now it's a whole lot more. All symptoms of hyerthyroidism (Vince says these are symptoms of being a cat). But also a purring, very funny, endearing, eccentric and very loved cat. A cat who likes to sit upside down and have his claws clipped. I mean, that's just weird.

Last night he jumped onto the bed for the first time in at least 6 months, and washed, and purred, and then slept. He looks good, weighs just under 17lbs, his fur is sleek. That surprised this vet who was not the one who examined him. She said cats like this tend be emaciated.

We will take care of him, but we need to find out more, first. Your good thoughts are appreciated. I am a small wreck.

Estorbo, of course, may dine out on this. He might say that since he is dying he deserves better food. More roast chicken for example. And now that he has typhoid disease, full fat milk in the morning, not that low fat kaka sheet.

But all in his own time.

Bag frarm the bed, I mean ved

2011-10-05T18:20:00.003-05:00

I yam bag frarm the ved. Dr. Park. She ees OK. Preedy. Sof'boice.

The teghneecian?

Dios mio.

I nearlee born their house down. I scream I yell, I growl, I swear eberywor' I know.

They TOOGH. MY. BLORD!!!!! Wha' kine' ob people do these???? They deen' eben as'!!!!

Then the Woomna say to the teghneecian when he breeng me bag: Are you OK?

She as' heem, nard me!! Me, I yab been screameen' por fibe meenutes baghstage, while they drain my libeblord. Deed he scream? No! Because he had glorbs!

They wor ber' eempress thad we brough' my pee sample. Steell warm. They wan' to know how. The Wooman say, Saucehair.

Como? they say.

Small saucehair, she say. You yos slide ondhair the cad when he maghe pee, he pee een saucehair. Ees easy.

Y I yam a pro. I weell do anytheen' y pee anywhere y eensi'e anytheen' eef eed aboids the terreeble catheter. No. Bad mammories.

Also. They toogh. my. temperature.

(ees terreeble)

I ged resolts manana or Friday. Ees keedneys, or diabetes, or thyroid...or...sormtheen' else. We know thad. We know thad.

We waid.

Y now? The geese are flyeen', an' seengeen' high aborf the house. Fourtime tonighd. Ees coldehair. The Wooman weell go away soon. Always, she leab me. She say she hab to wride a boogh. Bod these time the Smoothman weell stay weeth me.

Eed weell be OK.
...

Yes?

Een the dargness

2011-09-25T22:56:00.001-05:00

Eef eed ees there, I weell see eed. An' I weell cadge eed.

Tryeen' to remembhair

2011-09-16T12:16:00.000-05:00

Man, I had so many goo' ideas por a blag pose'. I was talkeen' to the Smoothman y the Wooman las' nigh' while they wor eadeen' sorphair (they gabe me sorm cheese arn a moshroom) an' I was makeen' them laugh. Now I cannard remembair whad I was sayeen'...Sormtheen' about Major Tarmcad.

"Thees ees Major Cad to groun' carntrol..."

...

Y then whad happen'...?

Sorntheen' abou, "Plan-ned orth ees blue an' I doan know where to poo..."

I had the whole theen', man. I made them speed oud their fondue, they wor laugheen' so morch.

Now eed's garn. Am I geedeen' ole'?

Arn the roop afthair the storm

2011-09-03T20:46:00.005-05:00

I yam sorry! Ees berberhar'. The Wooman. She ees always tybetybetybe ad thees carmpudehair. No chance por Estorbo to do whad a cad's garda do, you know? Lighe orpdade my forgheen' BLARG! I start my blarg fors' ,you know. She gard the idea frarm me.

Irene, she came, she wen', was boreen', lighe beeg storm bod no thondhair. I yam nard afrai' frarm thondhair. Was ween', morch ween', y thad made me loogh orp ad the skylighds an' say, Whadtheforghe? a few time'...

Now I yam bag arn the roop, y I ade my emergencia rations already, y I use my shelter leedhair, y now my caddle hab all lefd the roop. P. P...roopffffffffffffffffffffffffff. Ees har'. (The Smooth man has eessues weeth my prononciation.) So, I yam no longhair a rooptarp gaucho. Where hab all my caddle garn? The Wooman say they blow away.

Bod: I deed cadge a cicada. Myeeee cicada! Green, the bes' flabor. I ade eed. Was muy delicioso! Que rico...the Wooman made a mobie ob the meal bod she say I cannard pose' eed because PEDA weell be angry. Who ees he? Eed was myeeee cicada, nard PEDA's cicada.

So, afthair patrolleen' the roop een bain por days por my larst y meesseen' caddle I deed fine oud Worn New Theen': Ees a POOSSY leebeen' arn the order rooptarp! She ees blag! Name ob Coco...Serious. Bod I cannard beeseet, ees no connection between roops. The yoomans ob Coco wabe ad os worn day, an' say to the Wooman, How are las plantas afthair the horricane? The Wooman scream bag, FINE! Then they wabe ad me, and they peeck orp their poossy frarm their deg and hole' hor een the air an' I say, Madre de dios, a blag, preedy poossy, and they scream, Thees ees Coco! Then they yell, Whad ees your keedy's name? Y the Woomam scream: ESTOOORBO!

...

Whad? they yell.

Nebbermine, says the Wooman, weeth hor han's.

She tole' me she weell leab a node ondhair their door y tell them to fine' me here.

Then they weell nebber led their poossy speaghe to me again. I know. She weel deescreeminade agains' me.

So depresseen'...

Arn the roop

2011-08-26T23:15:00.001-05:00

I yam faceen' the wardhair. Ober there, ees the Nuevo York Harbor. Ees wed. Ees beeg ebacuation neear the wed storff een fron' ob Irene.

Een the bag are my worldy belarngeen's. Sorm leedhair, sorm pelleds, sorm agua. My ratton. Smallpiece streeng to amuse me eef I go to Shelter. We mos remain' arn high groun'.

I only lighe wardhair een my bath. Agua. Yes, the bath. Pleease, was no leaghue! The roop was nard leakeen' een las' weegh's storm ober the bath! How conbeniend. No: was wed ombrella EEN my bath! Thees ees where I dreenk! (Ad the momen'. Ees a phase, OK?OK!). Whad the forgh...

311

2011-08-19T23:59:00.002-05:00

We hab a prarblem een the bath.

The borthday mouse

2011-08-17T23:14:00.000-05:00

So, worn ob my borthday geefts was these ratton. I keelled eed.

Bod then I realize':

I yam becormeen' a begetarian.

These mouse ees my frien'. To the en'.

So close y yed so far away

2011-08-15T12:12:00.011-05:00

Eef you are joineen' me frarm the New York Times, ees goo' to see you! Diiiiiiiiiiios mio. They leenked to a cad weeth an aghsen' lighe mine! Ees beeg progress por anti deescreemination.

Pleease beeset their gallery ob bodega cads y cleeck arn peectures ob cads por story.

Eef you doan' know me, I yam Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep (ees my boice due to loss ob cojones. I doan' wan' to talgh abou' eed, OK? OK).

The bodega was a larng time ago, arn the Lower Eas' Side, where I was a keetten y where I caugh' my fors' mouse. I yab leebed arn the LES, Staten Islan', een the Eas' Billayge, y now I leeb een Brookleen.

Bod as my frien' Ikaika poin' oud een the carmends, I yam nard retire'. I yam seemply worgheen' now een pribade sector ob secureedy: carckroach' rancheen' arn the roop, bermeen carntrol (I hade squeerels). Y ob course, Raccoon repulsion.

Bag to the beesneess:

Las' weeken' the Wooman maghe steaghe. She coogh eed arn the fire. I hade fire. Eed maghe smoghe. Born the buildeen' down. See the way the Smoothman ees loogheen' ad me? So rude. I was nard beggeen'. I do nard beg. Dargs beg. I as'. Polide. Eep?

Thees was arn my borthday. I yam steel weareen' the reebbon. The Smoothman was prepareen' my feesh. I was a leedle, como se dices?...desperade.

These ratton ees fantasteec! Eed remine' me ob the ole' days honteen' the beeg rads ad the Chelsea Garden Centhair on Eas' 2nd Streed. Before the Terreeble Theen' happen'. I doan' want to talgh abou' thad either, OK? OK. Yos setteen' sorm groun' rules. BTW - my feed hab nard torched the groun' een abou' a decade. I leeb arn the rooptarps.

Arn the weeken' the Wooman eeds breakfas' een bed. Lazy peeg. Bod I ged a leeck ob bodhair. Sormtimes. When she remembair. When she loogh orp frarm hor forgheen' boreen' boogh. So I waid, I waid.

Thad ees my libe. Always neear to sormtheen' I wan'. Perpetual torture.

Dayeen.

Dayoud.

Borthday 2

2011-08-13T12:52:00.000-05:00

I hade thees yogur'. Thees geeft was a failure. I deman' Breyers Peach arn the Bardam!

The Wooman say, Bod thees ees my fabouride, Estorbo - eed is local, frarm happy cows...

I say, Ees thees YOUR borthday? I doan' theenk so!

Borthday: 1

2011-08-10T08:35:00.003-05:00

Eadeen' my fors' course ob sushi grade tuna. The Wooman nebber buys eed, porqewhy?

Onsostainable, she say.

Gezundheid! I say.Whadebber.

Ees berber good! Dios mio. I aghtuallee hab to chew! The dayeen dayoud pelleds I yos inhale, whole.

She say, you remember these tasde, cad, because you weell nebberebber ged eed again!

...

Lader I pose' my order geefts.

Gracias por all the good weeshes.

You may breeng your geefts, now.

2011-08-09T00:43:00.000-05:00

Ees por me, yes?

I yam ready.

I yam waideen'.

You know where to fine' me.

When ees my forgheen' borthday? When?

2011-08-08T14:08:00.001-05:00

I yam carnfuse'.

The Wooman ees carnfuseen' me. She say my borthday ees arn the ninth. We hab been through theese before. Then I loogh ad my blarg, because I do nard remembhair bein' born. I see thad las' year she say eed ees arn the feefth. She forgard.

Een 2009 I gard a feesh. Arn the fourth. More carnfuseen'. The feesh orpsed some people y I gard HADEmail. From a wooman whose hosban' goes beeg shark feesheen'. Serioos.

Me. A cad. Whad eads feesh wornce a year. My gard.

Well, the feefth ees OBER. Garn! Y nard worn presen'! So ees eed arn the ninth, tomorrow, or am I a cad weethoud commemoration or carmpensation por hees borth een the bodega.

I weell be 12. Ees true.

I meess my kittenhoo'...

No Dargs!

2011-08-07T11:41:00.010-05:00

Welcorm to my esseebeetion ob No Dargs. No Dargs means you can seet arn the grass weeth no pipi kaka beneath you. No Dargs means the flowers can grow. No Dargs means the cadneep weell be clean. NO Dargs means the Wooman can corm home weeth clean shoes eento the house. No Dargs means Estorbo's libe eees bedhair. Dayeeen, dayoud.

Eef you or sormworn you know has prarblem weeth los perros (d a r g s), thees ees the sign por you! Ees made by my amigo, arteest Frank Meuschke. Frank maghes lan'scabe painteen' bod the dargs maghe kaka arn his landscape, so he maghe sign.

You as' heem nice, he maghe worn por you, too. Tell heem I sen' you.

You email heem: nycgarden at gmail dot com

Libe ob the rancher

2011-08-05T11:12:00.000-05:00

Ees a prarblem arn the roop. Bord ead the beeg tomato whad was yos ripe. So I waid, I waid. Bod no bord.

Dayeen, dayoud.

Why ees my tail wed?

Sheet.

Carckroach keelhair

2011-07-27T22:19:00.001-05:00

Yos sayeen'.

My yoomans hab made corfew por me. No mas roop ad nigh'...Why? Een case I "deesappear", "fall down", "ged larst", "hord myselb"?...

Que?

Strange coincidence: two nighds, two carckroaches. EEN THE APAR'MEN'. An' who alords you to thees eenbasion? Me!

Nebber, ebber before we ged them eenside. Whyporquewhy? Be-cause, befoooooore, I yam rancheen' arn the roop an' takeen' care ob the hordes. The yoomans can heear me ronneen' ober their heads dadadadada, There goes Estorbo, they say, seengsarngboice, geegle, geegle.

Dam righ', there goes Estorbo. I yam forheen' worgheen', man! Thees ees Brooklyn! We leab neghs to Raccoon House! Are you styoopeed? Ees a bermeen prarblem arn thees roop only YOU doan' know abou' eed because I, yo, Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana-heear-me-roareeeeeeep, I TAGHE CARE OB EED...

POR YOU!

Dios mio.

Led. Me. Oud.

Now!

Heatwabe cadfood

2011-07-23T15:35:00.003-05:00

Ice een my pelleds.

Sheet.

Een the morneen'

2011-07-09T22:54:00.002-05:00

Waghe ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorp!

The suitcase ees mine

2011-07-06T12:37:00.002-05:00

OK.

Nobardy ees goeen' nowhere.

Eber again.

(Hab I tole' you abou' Masa Verde? NO?! Ees so eenteresteen'. I weell tell you....e-b-e-r-ytheen'. Bod fors' you moch wadjhe thees: Juan Miranda (Meester Steigher) weeth his TERREEBLe aghsen' ees my new hero. Y Masa Berde - ees how he pronounec Mesa Berde....ees my my new Eldorado...Een Masa Berde, you can ged....eberytheen! Bod you mos' wadge whole mobie arn Netfleeghs. O-K?).

Liair liair, pands arn fiair!!!!

2011-07-05T06:42:00.001-05:00

Seben (who calls a cad Siete, por fabor?). She ees a poossy.

The Wooman cheaded arn me!

She say they are goeen' away to stay weeth YOOMANS.

She corms bag weeth peectures of these cads~!

Me: Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicanaheearmeroareeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!?

Whadtheforgh??? Am I nard goo' denough por hor? Ees my for nard blag enorf? Are my legs nard larng enorf? Whad abou' my tail? Does she theeenk becos I maghe panta wornce een my libe I yam a COWAR'? Ees eed because I larst my Claw (I deed, eed fell arf, sneeff)?

Has she no hear'? No decency?

She ees cole' as ICE.

Sisko. He is mancad.

I need to know more. I am withholdeen' fabors, starteeen' NOW.

Weemen.

My roop

2011-07-01T10:31:00.003-05:00

There was mucha gente een the apar'men' y arn' the terrace y arn the roop yesserday y las' nighd. My gard. Bod I lighe' them, y I pose' berber' professional een the peectures. Afterwor's we wen' to the roop y had a peecneec.

I yam only allow' arn the roop now weeth superbision.

Pffff. I yam nard a KEETTEN!

Bod...yes, I yam theenkeen, there migh' be bad theen' arn the roop, yes, ~~Pappa~~ Smoothman?

Maybe I yos stay here, neghs to you.
_____________________________________________________

Pee Ess: Eef you do nard know the story ob The Claw (whad I re-eenjure' the order nighd) pleease read the response to Anne Boleyn een thees comments.

What size shirt for a 20lb cat?

2011-06-26T14:25:00.001-05:00

No, doan' paneec, I yam steel naked.

My gard. The Wooman had to tybe the title por me. Eengleesh. Ber' har'. Terreeble language. Lighe cheween' dry pasta.

Ees so Google can fine' me.

Essplanation: Yoomans are arribeen' arn my blarg weeth Google-sorch, "whad size shor' por twenny poun' cad"!

I know you hab seen these peectures, bod sorm people need to know, serious, whad size short por cad. So I yam helpeen'!

So me, arn' my new scale, I yam 17.8lbs, y my shorts are:

8-12 mornths. Truly. I yab larng legs. You mos' also maghe sleet orndhair the arms por no chafeen', OK? OK.

Anyway, you shoul' NARD poot your cad een shorts por fon. Ees nard fonny! Las' year eberyworn was yelleen', Home Depot! ad me.

I yam nard leeckeen my for arf een 2011. Nard yed. So no short. Gracias a Dios.

So you gard eed? 8-12 months my frien's. Ole' Naby.

Bag to normal

2011-06-26T00:12:00.000-05:00

I yam recorbereen'. I yab eaden' tres mangos. I yab been broshed. I yab pud arn half a poun'.

Message from the Woman

2011-06-24T11:59:00.001-05:00

Estorbo is OK.

I cleaned his bloody claw up and disinfected it once he had calmed down last night and he didn't utter a peep. Good cat. I always trim his nails with him upside down in my lap and for some reason this very bitey cat does not mind that at all. I don't think his toe is broken, but his claw must have been wrenched, somehow. He has no other injures that we can see or feel. He has eaten, rested, slept, purred, stolen some butter and early this morning wanted to go out again to the roof. Needless to say, we did not let him.

His very upsetting panting was stress-related. Not sure if he had run very fast, or been frightened, or chased, but it stopped after he was calm and he cooled off. So the scary cat-panting diagnoses - hopefully - do not apply. I read them, too, last night.

Right now he is on the terrace on his kikoi, under the table, sheltered from some light, misty rain and dozing. He just bit me when I stroked him, so I think everything is back to normal!

For the foreseeable future Estorbo is banned from the roof unless we are up there, too.

Bad nighd

2011-06-23T22:53:00.000-05:00

Sormtheeen' bad happen' to me tonighd. I cannar' tell you whad. I cannar' tel the Wooman or the Man whad

I corm home farm the roof, maghe beeg howl arn the terrace, they open' the screendoor, I ron eento the room, y I yam panteen', como a darg, Panta-panta-panta, berberhar'. The Wooman maghe eyes beeg an' seet arn the floor weeth me an' say, Whad ees wrang, keedy, whad ees wrang, tell me! An' I maghe panta. She stroghe me, I start to porr berberhar' y the Man stroghe me. I yam porreen' y panteen'. They loogh ad me all ober and when they torch me I maghe the panta again, my mouth wide open and peenk. I can see the Wooman theenks I yam dyeen. Een thees moment I see she lorbs me.

The Smoothman looghs ad my badclaw, the worn whad the Argentinian bed broghe een the Eas' Billayge in 2003. The Wooman say, Thad's yos his badclaw. Bod the Smoothman, who has a brain, say, No, ees defferen'. So the Wooman loogh more close an' she see the claw ees bend sideways. Then she see blord. Estorbo! she say, you hab broghen your toe! Panta-panta-panta I say. I cannard speaghe. So bad.

They pour me meelk, I weel nard dreenk wadhair. I dreenk sorm meelk. I lie down. I yam nard panteen', bod my breatheen' ees queeck y my paws are sweateen' ligh ad the bed when I yam scare'.

The Wooman geds a new idea. Sormtheen' really scare heem bad (no kiddeen', I theenk). Whad eef he is poison'? She rosh to the carmpudehair an' fine emergency beds. Ees worn close. Oh, gread. Then she looghs orp poisoneen' seemptom' and try to decide eef I ead poison por rads, or por wile' cads, and looghs ad me por seizures. I doan' maghe worn.

Maybe he fall, they say. Maybe he ged storck. Maybe he fighd, bod we hord no fighdeen' when we wor eadeen' ou'side. Maybe the man een Raccoon House cadge heem, theenks the Wooman. My fron' claws are also damage', bod no blord. The Smootham feels my bardy and my tail y I start to panta again. They stroghe me. We mos leab heem, say the Wooman. He mos recorber frarm sharck, fors'. She geeb me more meelk, por poison, por calm. I rosh to the leedhair tray an pee lighe a champion.

Now I yam sleepeen' peaceful' arn the floor. No mas weeth the panteen'. Oh. Waid. How am I typeen eef I yam sleepeen'? I am a BERBER' clebber cad.

Ees a meestery. An' I doan' really speagh Eengleesh.

Whad happen to me?

Sommhairtime

2011-06-18T16:56:00.000-05:00

The fruits arn the terrace are geddeeen' ripe an' the Wooman geebs me the wile' strawberries. I no ead the order kine'. Also I yam eadeen' the wile grass an' then I maghe orpchorck eenside. She doan' lighe thees, so she ees pulleen' oud all the grass. She toogh away my Yapanese fores' grass so I can ead eed no mas. Ees cruel.

I yab been beesy worgheen' arn my exheebeetion. Ees collection ob sign abou' NO DARGS. I weell pose' eed soon. Ees berber' essiteen'.

I am makeen' new keettens

2011-06-10T14:01:00.000-05:00

I wadged thees mobie, March ob Los Penguins. I realize' thad man-aneemals can maghe the keettens. Also, I lorb mango. So I decided to lay sorm keettens.

Was berber' soccesfull.

Ees only worn prarblem: I wan' to ead my keettens.

Dios mio. I weell go to Hell.

I yam leabeen'

2011-06-04T20:13:00.000-05:00

Hasta la vista, yoomans. I yam oud ob here!

My tree

2011-05-30T19:02:00.000-05:00

Eef you maghe attagh arn my feeg tree, I weell keell you...

Roof cad

2011-05-25T22:02:00.000-05:00

Een the warm ebeneens when the apardamen' ees hart, I yam spendeen' more time arn the roof. I yab esspanded my rancheen' aghdeebeedies to eenclude baby cicadas. I yam groween' them frarm small to beeg. Then I weel sell them ad the farmers' marghed. Order now before the rosh ob sommhair.

Doan' mess weeth a cad

2011-05-23T11:38:00.000-05:00

My rebenge por bein' larcked oud een the rain. I ead the Hapanese fores' grass, nomnom then I corm bag eenside, seet down, make-a hoooowl, go hoophoophoop kghaaaaaa! an' throw eed orp arn the floor. Dribes the yoomans crazy.

*&^%$!##@!

2011-05-18T23:52:00.000-05:00

Ees thees your idea ob a yoke???

Friday the thorteenth

2011-05-13T20:14:00.002-05:00

...ees a lorcky day por blag cads (admee' eed, you wan' to keess me, yes?).

I lorb goa' cheese.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2011-05-12T12:27:00.000-05:00

Por fabor, Leab a messayge.

Leisure time

2011-05-07T22:04:00.003-05:00

I yab been beeseeteen' the neighbors.

An patrolleen' my ranch.

The Wooman ees sayeen' rude theen's abou' my seelluette...

So I corm home por a leedle eenspeeration besi'e the cadneep.

How you lighe my seelhuette now?! I say...

GEDDOUDOBTHEFEEG! she cry.

Maghe me, I say.

OUD! she shoud.

Why? I as'. Eed's sarft: I lighe mars onder my tail. Ees nice an' cool. My tail ees hart.

Mayday!

2011-05-01T10:53:00.002-05:00

I yab been arn eenboluntary leab. You notice'? I swear to you, today, Sonday, ees the fors time een three weeghs I yab been able to aghsess thees carmpudehair!

The Wooman refuse to geeb me a chance. Beetch. She an' I mos "share". Como?

Fors, hor new carmpudehair arribe, then eed was sen' bag to Dell (dude!) then she use' the ole' worn ob the man, an' she swears so moch when she does thees, an' then she ees beesy weeth peectures an' stories por order people, een order countries, an'...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Ees ber' boreen' yes? An me? Me? DON Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana? Me! I yam tole', You mos waid, you do nard hab tarp prioreety.

?????

I yab FANS! I yab commeetments! Do you hab fans, do you hab commeetments. You doan' hab no fans, you doan' hab no commeetments! I wan' my blarg! I wan' my labtarp!

(Sorry, am channeling Neeck Cage een Moonstrorck, bakery scene...I yab been watcheen' mobies neghs door, through the weendow.)

I yab a resparnsebeeleety. People are COUNTEEN' arn me.

I cannard eben chegh my forgheen email! I yab leddhairs frarm people who theenk I am seeck, dead!

I YAM ALIBE!

To cope weeth the onbeliebable stress, I yam force' to ged high.

Arn tarp ob thees ber' defeecul' seetuation, the Wooman says the morgs are makeen' hor crazy. She say to hab more than worn morg, weeth deefferent peectures ob me, she mos sed orp separate sharps por me arn Cafe Press, an' declare eencome with taxes. She say, No way Jose. I say my name ees Estorbo, nard Jose, an' you promeese me I can maghe morgs. She say tough cookies.

I say, Are cookies como pelleds?

Ees har', har'. I yam embarrass. Bod thees ees my libe. Only worn theen' could maghe eed worse.

I coul' be a darg...

Cord the fad

2011-04-08T22:12:00.000-05:00

Ees OK, hole' the bodhair. I yam arn a diyed.

Por fabor, gracias por your patience, bod my agen' ees bag an' weell be worgheen' arn the MORGS. You cannar' ged goo' hire' yelp these days. Tsk.

Me gustan las flores

2011-04-08T07:01:00.001-05:00

Reeal cads prefehair pansies...

Watcheen' the barx

2011-04-07T12:58:00.001-05:00

The hongry cad's rebenge!

2011-04-03T10:46:00.001-05:00

You doan' feed me, I feed myselb.

The onbearable heabiness of no blargeen'

2011-04-02T12:17:00.001-05:00

Sheet.

How ees a cad sorpose' to wride a forgheen' BLARG, dayeen dayoud, when he doan' be geeben aghsess to a forgheen' carmpudehair??

Madre di dios. Ees a deesgrace. I theenk I weell go to leeb weeth those wile' cads I heear ou'sie een the nighd, seengeeng een freedom.

The Wooman's redeeculous labtarp went kaput so por weeghs she ees waideen' por the new worn to arribe, an ledmetellyou when eed does eed ees goeen' to loogh fonny. Waid an see. Aghd sorprise', I deedn' say northeen'.

So the Wooman and me we hab been fighdeen' ober wheech carmpudehair to use and I try to use the Smoothman's desktarp bod the theeng loogh y aghd como un forgheen spacesheep. You press a boretorn and WHOOSH smoghe star's to corm oud ob holes y the screen goes fonny y my forr stan orp y my tail increase een bolume y I ron away.

Same theeng happen when the Wooman try to use eed, BTW. Eed's nard yos me. The theeng is corse', I tell you. Y ad hees carmpudehair ees where I mos maghe my peectures porque he has Photosharp, so no forgheen peectures, no forgheen blarg!!!

I yam goeen' to Sue. (Why does eberybardy say thees? Can sormworn porfabor yos tell me where does Sue leeb, an' how does she feex so many theengs?)

Meanwhile I yab foun' a secred plaze to hide arn the rooftarps, where noworn can fine' me. I deesappear por hours. Ten days ago the yoomans made sorch por me een the nighd, cryeen' Storbeeeee, an' carryeen flashlighds an' loogheen' down cheemneys, an' the man goeen to the streed een case I fall down. I scare them good. GOOD! Thees weell teach them to tread Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana weeth respeghd!

I deman' an iPaw. Now!

I weell be bag. These starbation ob blargs poseds ees ad an en'.

Hard libe

2011-03-16T22:36:00.002-05:00

Oh, good. Brake fas'!

I lorb bodhair you know? Yesserday when the Wooman was nard lookeen' I ade ALL the bodhair frarm the tray. Today she shoud ad me, BADCAD!

Who, me? Bad? You mos' be keedeen'!

Are you goeen' to ead thad?

So the bodes por the morg shart: Sorry por the poll bein' so forgheen illegeeble een the sidebar...Bod eed's a DRAW! Between Whad the Forgue (spreadlegs een the greenshort) and Talkgh to the Paw. So we mos' choose worn more time, y the Wooman say I should geeb a few more choices, also. I say, why? She say, Because I pay the cable beel.

Whadebber.

Manana, manana.

Pleease bode por a morg shart.

2011-03-10T22:54:00.003-05:00

1. Whad the forgue?

Pleease bode een the poll arn the lefd por whad peecture you wan' arn a morg...

The captions are sobyeghd to change. We decide ladehair. Also, eef you lighe a peecture frarm the blarg, please tell me wheech posed eed was, y whad dade, OK? OK!

2. Born een the Yoo Esse Ay.

3. Go. Away.

4. I lorb you.

5. Keess me.

6. Sheet.

7. Don Estorbo.

8. Talgh to the paw.

9. Th.

10. The Paw.

11. Waghe orp!

12. The Don

13. The keeng ob cads.

WAR

2011-03-06T20:32:00.001-05:00

You though' I was dead, deedn' you?

You thoughd I yad abandon' my thousan's y thousan's ob adoreen' fans, Yes? Admeed eed, yes? Yes? I mean, Si?

Nebber!

Nebber woul' Don Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!) leab those who lorb y appreciade heem! Nebber! Only eef he was prebendted by some crazylocogaga WOOMAN woul' he be kepd frarm blargeen por ELEBEN days!!!!!

I mean, Whad the forgue??

No. I do nard essagerade.

Crazy.

Loco.

Nard all ob hor peegs are een their sty, eef you know whad I mean? Yes? Yes? I mean, Si?

Two peegs shord ob a peecneec eef you as' me.

She ees weareen' camouflage. I keed you nard. She say she need to "blen' een."

I say, Oh yes, I mean si, thad ees easy, you are seex food weeeth red hair, you TODALLY blen' een.

Blen' eento whad, anyway? I as'.

The fores', she wheesper.

The fores'??? I wheesphair bag...

Yes, she say, I yam ad war.

I know! I say, weeth me!

No you stupeed hairball. Weeth the leederhairs.

....

Que? I say. Thees ees deefeecol' por me to onnerstan' - hor aghsen' ees nard so easy. Leeder hairs. Hairs. Hares. Fores'. Leeder...hares?

Hares = Rabbeeds? Rabbeeds + Leeder.

YOU MEAN THERE ARE RABBEEDS EEN MY LEEDHAIR TRAY???? I knew eed looghed fonny! An' you are magheen' war arn the rabbeeds weeth my taghs dollars? Why deed you nard tell me?

No, you moron, she say. Leederhairs! Persons whad throw garbage arn the groun' een the fores'.

Oh, I say, you mean d.a.r.g.s.

NO! Yooooooooomans, she say.

Peegs! I say.

Peegs, she say.

...

Ees esshausteen.

Oud een the cole'

2011-02-25T11:40:00.001-05:00

I yam oud een the cole'. I need the Wooman to help me weeth merchandiseen' an she say she weell, bod only eef I coogh hor deenhair.

Whad the forgue???

I doan' know how to coogh!

Why I need hor? Because I cannard use Phodosharp an' I theenk I need these eef I yam goeen' to maghe a forgheen' calendar or morgs por sale. The Woomans say morgs ees a good idea. She no use morgs She use corps. Bod whadebber.

So whad can I coogh? I can reach the gas bod I doan' know whad to do when I ged there. Fry pelleds?

Sheet.

Soon I weell pose' sorm peecture por chooseen' whad to pud arn a morg. Or corp. You mos bode por wheech worn you lighe.

I need $'s!

2011-02-20T12:05:00.000-05:00

Escuse me.

The Wooman says I need to orn parket morney eef I wan' to fly to Australia. So I wan' to know. Does anyworn wan' an ESTORBO callendar, starteen' een March???

Por the wall (more beeg 8.5 eenches x 11) , or por the desk (more small, 10 eenches x 5 eenches)?Ees abou' ninteen $'s y porteen. Plos sheepeen'.

The Wooman says nobardy uses calendars no mas, y eed ees too espenseeb. I say, "Th."

Sheet:

The Wooman also yos tole' me thees ees the price weethoud prarfeet. I weell maghe no morney.

Dios mio. How can I maghe morney? My caddle CSA barx ees nard selleen'.

My libe ees een the toilet.

Larst

2011-02-19T09:00:00.000-05:00

Can sormworn pleaseporfabor tell me how to ged to Australia? Where do I torn lefd?

Hola Hola Hola!

2011-02-18T16:45:00.007-05:00

I yam bag!!!

Madre di dios, bod the yoomans are pull ob drama.

Yesserday dinahmow lefd to fly bag down ondhair an' I was ber' sad. She gabe me feesh. Sardines een oil. Yom. Also she gabe me peecture of a feesh. Thees I can reepreepreep to waghe orp the yoomans ad 4am, yes? NO! Shoud the Wooman.

Same ole' same ole'.

Styoopeed yoomans lose a bag ad the aeroporto J. Effe Que. Rosh aroun' como cheeckens weethoud heads. Almose' lose thees carmpudehair so I can blarg no mas. Eediots. Portunadely the ordhair yoomans ad the aeroporto hab brains an' sabe their bacon.

Now thad the Wooman and the Smoothman are bag I weell onbeil my gran' plan por the Roop:

I yam goeen' to raise organeec caddle. Hab I tole' you abou' my caddle? I hord them een the sommhair time. I rosh arn the roop an' shoud, Git, git, git arn leedle dargies, an' they ron, ron!

The Wooman says Eeeeeeeeeee, you harreeble cad, thad ees a carckoach, when I breeng hor worn ob my caddle frarm the roop to show hor how nice an' fad they are...Bod those were wile', free range. Now I wan' pasture-raise', super local caddle...

Anyworn eenterest' een CSA barx of caddle? I geeb you goo' price. Righ' now they are theen, bod I yam goeen' to fadden them orp.

Led me know.

...

2011-01-22T15:54:00.001-05:00

I weell be ornplorged onteel lade een February.

Estorbo ees arn bacation!

Please leab a messayge.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Me an' my igloo

2010-12-28T15:09:00.003-05:00

Peectures: the Smoothman

Sheet.

Whad ees thees?

Ber' eenteresteen'...

Pelleds!

Breeng arn the Ice Age, hombres! I yam ready!!!

For had

2010-12-26T07:00:00.003-05:00

~~Pappa~~ The Smoothman ees cormeen' arn the train frarm Montreal to sleep weeth me por two nighds before he goes to Afreeca to see the Wooman. Moch snow ees predeected. Maybe he ged storck.

Eef he geds cole' een the snow I weell seet arn his head to make him warm again.

Eep.

2010-12-19T00:40:00.001-05:00

Eed ees cole', y I yam wrabbed een my chashmere blanket. Ees sarft. The Wooman an' me, we share thees blanket. Worn day, larng ago, she cort eed een halb. I gard worn halb, she gard the order halb. She wear eed as scarf. Sormtimes, when I feel lighe I yab larst my keettens, she wrab me een the blanket.

Soon the suitcases corm oud an' they weell leab me. Again.

Why?

Maybe they are goeen' to loogh por my keettens.

Dayeen...

2010-12-09T13:54:00.002-05:00

The Wooman cannard coogh, so I had to help hor feegure oud how to maghe souffle. The mose' eemportan' par' was wheeskeen' the cream. I hab wheeskhairs, I tole' hor, ob course I shoul' be wheeskeen' the cream!

I tell you, thad Wooman has a hard ob stone.

So I gabe orp my cream dreams an' sad an' wadged the snow florries. Ees lighe a beeg cad ees pulleen' oud the feathhairs ob a leedle whide bor'.

Ay. I yam so hongree.

Pee Ess: I yam now worgheen' por SETI. I weell be weareen' the bastardcollhair por ebber. An' ebber. An ebber.

(We are nard alone.)

Friday news

2010-12-03T12:47:00.002-05:00

Major braghethrough arn the terrace yesserday: the Wooman ad las' wen' oud an' deed sorm worgh. She ees berber' lazee. Terrace looghs lighe sheet. Por mornths I yab nard been able to maghe scratcha arn my larg. Las plantas wor een the way. Why are las plantas more eemportant than me?! Bod las' nighd I made scratcha teell the spleent-hairs wor flyeen'!

Een order news. The bue collar: same ole' same ole'. Sormtime' when eed ees folded bag I can leeck my bagleg: leeckaleeckaleecka! Then the Wooman shoud ESTORBO an' I maghe myself flad an' she peeck me orp an' roll me ober an goes, Seelly Cad! Then she wash my leg and pud the cream arn an' pud me bag arn my legs an' fole' the collar forwar' again. Lighe cone, ligh satellide deesh. My gard. I heear too moch. So moch soun' een the worl'. Bod now I cannard reach my leg. Ees...como si dices...eenfureeadeen'!

I steell play weeth streeng ebery day. The Smoothman says I yam goeen' loco. I play weeth streeng lighe I yam goeen' to KEELL eed. So? I yam goeen' to keell eed! An' I weell keell them eef they ged een the way!

I maghe yompa arn the roop, sometime' weethoud the collar. The Smoothman say the collar ees bad por balance, an' maybe I ged storck sormwhere, lighe the time I lefd my short arn the fire escabe ob the bandido. The Wooman ees more, lighe, whadebber? Bod I know eef I go meesseen' she weell corm an' rescue me.

There are carnstrarction worghairs arn the house ob the bandido. They ebeected heem. So I no go there no mas. I hade worghairs

Time por a nab. My nighds are so essausteen'. The labender squort bardle terrorizes me so now I only eep ad 5 or 6 am. Taghes so moch energy to sopress the eep.

Northeen' ees sacred no mas...

2010-11-28T21:41:00.004-05:00

The yoomans theenk they are so forgheen' fonny. They talgh abou' the 'beeg foss' I maghe when I got to the leedhair tray. Hello? Thees ees pribade beesnees!?

Bod no. Yes you can! they shoud ad me when I go een there an' star' makeen' my escabations an' carncentration.

So the Smoothman draw thees por me.

Jaja.

Ja.

Arp Ed

2010-11-26T15:17:00.005-05:00

View North Korea Attack in a larger map

There ees a gues' pose' I wrode por Geiger y Sporran's blarg een Queenslan'...Well, their barg ees call' Cad Thoughds arn the Worl'....

Sarng weethoud words...

2010-11-25T23:06:00.001-05:00

Who said, Knarck an' eed shall be open'...?!

The weegh frarm hell

2010-11-21T22:53:00.004-05:00

Hola.

Ees me.

You steell there?

Sormtime' I yam een my blue collhair, sormtime' I yam oud ob my blue collhair. Guess wheech I preefhair?

Also ees new debelopemen':

Ees water bardle, whad maghes sqortsqort. You know pssssht psssssht?

Why ees thees? Porque I yab habeet ob wakeen' orp the yoomans ad 3am to feed me. Ees nard my fauld. Ees the fauld ob the Smoothman who use' to corm bag frarm worgh ad 2, 3 een the morneen' and maghe me so essited thad I woul' beg and beg and beg... He ees now bag ad home wheech ees ber' goo' por me, BOD I yab steell the habeed ob when he came bag ad thees time, an' eed maghes the yoomans crazy, especial' the Smoothman who was nard geedeen' his sleep porque he say I waghe heem orp so moch an' he geds orp to feed' me to nard deestorb the Wooman's resd.

So the WOOMAN (who else???)...gard squort bardle and when I say eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep een the nighd she go Sqort! an' a meest ob agua weeth labender smell - like kaka - corms oud and I ron away! I yam now arn my thord nighd ob "traineen' " an' the Wooman tells the Smoothman eed ees goeen' berber' well. The fors' two nighs she gard no sleep, jajajajaja. So tire' een the morneen'.

Now I yos maghe smalleep lighe een the ole' days an' she say she can leab weeth thad.

Also ber sneaky ees she an' the Smoothman hab swabbed sides een the bed so now she ees arn the side ad the door where I beg. The Smoothman ees so nice he geeb me anytheen' I wan'. The Wooman say I yab heem wrabbed aroun' my leedle pad.

Ees true. He ees nice man. She ees the Enforcehair.

So embarrasseen:

My bag leg ees geddeen' bedhair. Bod sormetimes I leeckleeck an' then eed ged worse, so the Wooman leds me oud ob the collar only ondhair superbision.

Bod weareen' the collhair ees problem going to the leedhair tray, you know, because when I yam feeneesh weeth the Serious Beesnees, I mos put my nose down and sneeff so I know where to corber opr, an' twice I put my nose down and the forgheen' collhair ged push' eento you- know-whad, so when I corm orp I steenk! My gard, who made thad smell?! I as'.

They call' me sheet head.

So then the Wooman taghe the collhair arff my head queek and washwashwash eed and I smell como labender.

Doan' you weesh you had my life?

Now, when the Wooman heear me goeen' to the leedhair tray an' makeen' scratcha een the san' she rosh afterhair me an' taghe the collair arff so I can deep my head to sneeff weeth safety, and also so I can maghe wash' immediate afterwards.

...

So you can see way I yab nard been wrideen'. Ees deefeecult to wride thees. Ees so ondeegneefy'.

The Wooman says fors' I yam geddeen cad seet-hair Lucy por Chreestmas, and then I yam geedeen' cad seet-hair frarm berber' far away, she say eed ees sormeone I know, an' I mos' be nice. I yam nice! I yam unique! I yos hab some Issues. Lighe the two YOOMANS I leab weeth.

Dayeen. Dayoud.

Too sexy

2010-11-12T14:43:00.000-05:00

...so sexy, eed horts!

Can you heear me now?!

2010-11-12T01:48:00.000-05:00

The Wooman speaks

2010-11-08T13:13:00.006-05:00

Dear Friends of Estorbo

The cat has given me permission to respond to all your kind suggestions - and some hyenic laughter, tsk tsk - regarding his licking problem. Notice how he hands over to me when the going gets tough. Day in, day out.

janitabean - thank you for the tip; unfortunately anything applied to his skin will be licked off, and will actually make him lick. Cats hate having anything on their skin. He does not actually have any bacterial infection (he's been tested before).

Food allergy - John, thanks for your recommendations...Estorbo's food was in fact changed mid year to Wellness (hey Wellness, how about free food for the plug?).

Itchy skin. He does not seem to actually itch, and has no dry skin or flakes. His fur looks very good. The licking always begins after he gets a very small, innocuous-looking scratch, and therein lies the detective work: is it from outside, maybe from a rose, or does he scratch himself with his back feet, and a sharp claw, which I keep quite trimmed?

Gentian violet, Sherri B and Anne Boleyn - I quite like this suggestion. I don't believe it will stop the licking, because only a barrier between his raspy tongue and the affected patch seems to do that. But it does dry skin out and leaves no residue.

Dr Ted (I know who you are. You are a d.a.r.g.) - gedoverid is a good suggestion, as much as I dislike steroids, but they don't have Overid here. I tend to think that his licking may be connected to his lack of cojones (we refer to what's left as "quarks", I don't remember why). My family has had at least two neutered male cats who licked. Overid helped a lot. I leave the door open to that one. Wow - taking advice from a dog.

webb and kate on Clinton. It's Estorbo. Not Escorbo and not Estorba. Don't shoot me, I'm just the messenger. webb and Bumblevee - he does receive a small dose of velcote, an oil recommended for hot spots and good coats (and imported from Canada!) but since its contains wheat germ oil perhaps there was no point in changing his food so it contains no wheat? Also, does it work? Who the hell knows! Hm. As for chiropraction - I wonder. I think Estorbo might eat the chiropractor.

Which reminds me to write a post about a creepy osteopath in Chelsea.

I am, in general, incredibly sceptical about supplements. I tend to think that supplements are a massive racket, making major bucks for their producers with very, very little to show in the way of proof of efficacy.

Holistic may be a good way to go, but again, it will take a lot of time and a lot of money. So do repeated visits to the vet who lands up telling you that the cause could be anything. I am not pouring (more) endless hundreds of dollars into this problem, with so many possible causes. I have no health insurance and the cat has no health insurance. I want Obamacare for cats. Now.

Stress (Rachel and Michelle) - hard to say, Estorbo is a pretty tightly wound kitty and has been since day one. He has a short temper. Perhaps because he was kicked or hit on the head before I got him. I am perhaps also a pretty tightly wound kitty, but his licking started early last year, not the day I got him, so I don't think it's me. And it's not Vince, who is very laid back. I am most certainly not going to put him on a tranquilizer, although it is tempting: he plays hard and he bites hard! He sleeps hard, too. Rescue Remedy is tempting...

He is back in his cone for a few days, to see if I can get the back leg to clear up. He tolerates it and if I keep it pushed forward (I had it folded back because I felt sorry for him), he doesn't seem to be able to get at the legs. The shirts he tolerates really well, but pants are just ridiculous.

So there it is. Day in. Day out.

See you in the trenches.

Poll resolts een:

2010-11-07T21:05:00.001-05:00

I yam NARD weareen' a forgheen' wornsie, no! NO No NO. Ead maghes my tail loogh fad.

When in doubt: eat cream

Feeleen' Blue

2010-11-05T13:02:00.010-05:00

Thees pose' ees dedeecated to Alexa. I doan really onnerstan' hor messayge (las' carmment arn prebious pose'), bod I feel hor pain. The Wooman is neearly seex feed tall (excesseeb, yes?) an' the only time she wear high heels I theenk she ees gonna ead Manhattan.

Speakeen' ob dresseen' orp. You see my prarblem. The reason por my larng, larng silence ees....

...

...

shame.

I hab had a terreeble weegh. The stupeed yoomans say their weegh has been terreeble, too. Yeahrigh'. All because I was leeckleeckleeckeen' my bag lefd leg. My arm ees nearly bedhair, bod I wash the leg an' now is small padge whad ees red. So the Wooman FREAGH oud.

She and the Smoothman wen' to the bed. Weethoud me, Gracias a Dios por small morcies. BOD. They came bag. Weeth:

A CONE OB SHAME. Por real.

Blue. Made frarm tarpauleen' or somekine' ob sheet lighe theese. They say ees bedhair than plasteec, whad I hade. They poot eed arn my head arn tie eed with whide bow an' I walgh an' go bompa bompa bompa eento their legs, the chairs, the copboards. They laugh teell they cry. Then they cry. Teell I fine' the bow an' ontie eed an' pooll eed arff.

Ha!

Then they torn eed eenside oud so I cannard reach the bow. Now I can read label: These season I yam weareen' Webstair Beterinary. You see the shame een my eyes, yes? I wan' Prada.

Then the Wooman fole' the cone bag so ees no more cone bod collar: OK, now ad leas' I can see. Bod I steel loogh lighe a forgheen' eedeot.

An' ebery time I mobe I craghle. An' when I sleep I craghle. Een the nighd I craghle so moch the Wooman dreams she ees walkeen' arn fallen leabes.

Bod I porr. I porr an' I steel play weeth the streeng an' I still bide.

Then came the Day Three: I DEFEAD THE CONE! I ween! I ween! I can reach my leg eef I maghe force and I leeckleeckleeck. Yee ha!

The Wooman see me. She nearlee cry. She taghe arff the cone. You are a clebhair cad, Don Estorbo, she say sadly: Be careful wad you weesh por.

?Que? I say. No speagh Eengleesh.

Then. The Smoothman go the carmpudehair. Oh Sheet. He maghe Google.

He corm bag. He say:

We can:

1. Poot streeps arn hees skeen whad tasde bad, lighe cayenne.

No, says theWooman.

2. Geeb heem blow-orp collar weeth air een eed, como un donut.

No, says the Wooman.

3. There ees a mozzle especial por cads...

NO! says the Wooman (I nebber thoughd she an' I woul' agree arn antheen')

Well, said the Smoothman (who I thoughd was my FRIEN'!), we can:

4. Pood short arn heem baghwar's, so the tail corms oud ob the hole por the head.

The Wooman theenks.

...

OK. she say.

I ron.

They fine' me. They poot me een short. Then they fall down laugheen'. Lighe hyenas nebber laugh. Lighe hyenas arn cragh, man. They cry. I porr.

I wan' pelleds. NEBBER led them see you cry.

Bod there ees no way por the short to stay orp. Eed fall down. The Wooman say she weel fine' me wornsie weeth arms y legs por los babies and poot eed arn me bag to fron'.

Yay. I hade my libe.

The Wooman say she weel allow my readhairs to bode. Allow, allow? You are MY readhairs, mine, mine all mine!

1. Taghe me to the bed to ged peels/steroids/newcone (pleeaseno)?
2. Led me go naked an' see whad happens?
3. Wornsie so I yam cobered head to food weeth hole por tail.
4. Your own breelliant soyyestions.

Corrently, I yam naked.

Bode eeen the poll een sidebar an' leab soyyestions here.

I cannard forgheen' waid.

Pee Ess, sorm clues:

My food has been change', ees nard allergy por food.
Anytheen' you poot arn my skeen, I weel leeck arff.
I ged Velcote sopplement por the eetchy skin.
I play every day.
I yab been to bed three times por thees. Same ole' same ole'.

Eschange bedween cad y yooman

2010-10-26T13:44:00.003-05:00

So I'm lyeen' arn the floor ob the keetchen, eef you can call eed thad, nine an' a halb tiles een worn direccion an' worn an' a halb tiles wide...an' the Wooman looghs ad me, an' says, Doan' you wan' to go and shau-jua weeth the Smoothman?

...

I yam nard sure were she ees goeen' weeth thees, so I yam silen'.

I mean, Estorbo, when ees the las' time you toogh a shau-jua?

....I canar' remain silen'.

I shau-jua weeth my tongue seberal times a day! I say.

She pay no attention.

The Smoothman walghs een. Pre-shau-jua. She says to heem, Thees cad was arn the terrace. He sad een all my parts. He sad arn my harleyharck, he sad arn my begonia, he sad een the rose, he sharpen his claws arn the WALL, an' then he threw orp the grass he had yos eaden and I deed nard ged there een time so he slimed the grabble.

The Smoothman loogh ad me. I loogh ad heem

No, there ees no poin' to thees story. Thees ees yos my libe.

Eenbasion!

2010-10-20T21:33:00.002-05:00

Whad the forgh!?!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

Alort! Alort! Man the battle stations!

Brace por action!

Straighten the tail!

A-i-i-i-i-m...

FIRE!

Sheet. Where EES he???

Can you see me now?

Oh, squeeeeeeeerel?

Corm an' play weeth Da-a-a-a-a-d-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y...

Northeen' weell escape me.

[Squirrel]: Yee-ha!

Fall trend

2010-10-15T13:45:00.002-05:00

I yos wanted to say thad I weell be weareen' my short arff the shouldhair thees Fall.

When I tole' the Wooman thees she said many badwor's.

Soch bad language, I say, You mos' wash your mouth oud, I yam embarrass' por you.

=^^=*&!!*&!;%^$#ng cad, she say.

She say eef I eenseess' arn thees fashion I weell nebber, ebber, be allow' to be naked again. WHY mos' you leeck the padge arn your arm, she say: whywhwhywhyyyyyyyyy?

Ayayayay. Cheell, Seester, I say. You know I yam Cattoleeckleeckleck...

You need sorm new yokes, Estorbo, she say. You are geddeen' stale.

Th, I say.

Dayeen. dayoud.

Eenterorption

2010-10-07T23:59:00.000-05:00

Yes?

You need sormetheen'?