Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I gard no caddle


Problem:


Een the meedle ob my cadde dribe the caddle yomped sheep. Eento the dreenk. 


I hord worn ob them squeaghe as he yomped eento Nuebo York Harbor: Hasta la bista baby!

I thoughd maybe they woul' corm bag. 

Are they homeen' caddle?

Bod they are nard here.

Maybe they are een the catastrophe buildeen' ad the en' ob the blarck?

Hello o  o o o o o o o o o o?


I doan' know whad to do.

Weethoud my hord I doan' know who I am.

Who is Estorbo?

Y whad ees his porpoise in libe?

Friday, May 25, 2012

Caddle Dribe


Sí, Sí, I know I know.

I yab been beesy. Berber' beesy. Eed has been raineen' ebery forgheen' day y the weather ees warmeen' y my caddle are goeen' loco, ready por the spreeng dribe, bod bein' wash' frarm their grazeen' groun' ebery nighd... I yam stress'. I yab to go downstairs y rescue them frarm the gotthair before they are engolf' een the Nuebo York sewage seestem.


Y while I yam tryeen' to maghe strategize, the Wooman, the Wooman maghe bacuum een the aparmen'! WhyporqueWHY? I cannard carncentrade weeth thees terreeble sorckeen' death noise. I flee to the terrace.

(Beetch)

Mornday ees Memorial Day. Forghe: Porque thees ees the day when the caddle moss be colleghded an' mobed to their sommhair grazeen' arn whad the Yankees call Gobernor's Island. Agtually, eed ees called Mesa Verde (ees nice y green). Ees deeffecol'. Ees water eenbetween y the raf' I ordair arn EBay ees nard so, como si dices?...buoyan'. I yam afrai' eed maghe teep een the meedle ob Bottermeelk Channel when a beeg boa' goes pass. The watercab dribers are terreeble. My caddle weell drown. I weell ged wed.

I yab pawed een a peteetion to the yoomans to pleeaseporfabor maghe escor' weeth police boad or we weell nebber maghe eed, bod they yos loogh ad me say, Yes you can. 


Forgh. I yam gedddeen' too ole por theese. Ebery year the same theen'.

Porhaps eef you stan' weeth me, we can persuade the masters ob my uniberse to taghe me serioosly, y probide safe passage por the Crosseen' ob the Caddle.

Sí, se puede!




(Does anyworn hab Rod Steiger's phone nombhair? Oh, he's dead? HE'S DEAD??? You are keeddeen' me! ...forghe...eed's goeen' to be a torf weeken')

Monday, May 14, 2012

Question por you


I yab been wondereen':...

Theenkeen', dayeen, dayoud.

Becos tonighd the yoomans wor eadeen' food frarm the orth - moshrooms, greens...boreen' (no enoki, yos barton moshroom, zzzzz).


So...are they herbibores?

So, I'm theenkeen'...cads ead herbibores. Mouse, bord...cicada.

So...

Are yoomans edeeble?

Diganme. I need to know.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Friday, May 4, 2012

Stand arff



Me: ...

Wooman: ...

Me: ...

Wooman:...

Me: Doan' maghe me say eed.

Wooman: ...?

Me: ...

Me:...

Me:...

Wooman: WTF?

Me:...!

Wooman: ...

Me: ...YOU KNOW WHAD I MEAN!

Wooman: Pf.

Me: I know you know thad I know thad you know that I know that you know what the forghe I MEAN!

Wooman:...

Wooman: Really?

Me: Forgheen' A.