Monday, April 30, 2012

Pf


Whadoyoumean I may nard sleeb arn your clothes? They are arn the bed! You sleeb arn the bed. You doan' wan' me to sleeb arn the clothes, you doan' pud the clothes arn the forgheen' bed!!!

Friday, April 27, 2012

The stade ob the cad


The Wooman say to me, Cad?

I say, Wooman?

She say, Cad? 

I say, Wooman?

She say CAD!!!: When las' deed you maghe a repor' to your eenbestors?

...

Como? 


Your eenbestors, she say, waggeen' hor whide feenghair een my blag faze. The people who hab eenbested een you!

Oh, I say, you mean the Morney People (hack! Lo siento, I yam habeen' sorm trorble weeth thees therapeuteec cadneep).

Yes, she say. They need to see how you are doeen' an' how wisely you are spendeen' their eenbestmen'.


HOACL! HHHgghhh...sorry. I yapologice. Wha' wor you sayeen'? Whoooo! I feel goo'!


Deear Eenbestors: I yam feeleen' goo'. I yam tagheen' my drorgs, dayeeen dayooooooooud! I yam dreenkeen' muchas agua, thad ees steel the same. I yab a new neighbour grey-y-whide, you know aboud hor. Sormtime she loogh ad me frarm hor terrace, yos the ears steeckeen' orp. Bod when she see the Wooman paparazzi she ron. I know she feel. The ranch ees begeenneen' to waghe orp. I yam assembleen' my caddle for the spreeng ron.

I need a nab.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Desorted


I yam home alone. Ees nobardy here. Ees nobardy playeen' weeth me. Ees nobardy to leesten to me. The yoomans are oud, they go away, they see me por two meenutes y feed me y I yam wonnereen' why I esseest. Who is Don Estorbo? Why ees he here? Whad does eed mean?

So I seed arn the roop y I theenk y I loogh. Sormtime' I see the grey-y-whide, bod when the Wooman was arn the roop por worn meenute to water las plants, she saw me goeen' to say hello to the grey-y-whide arn the faraway roop y she clab hor hans loud ad me y say BAD cad!

I lay down flad arn the seelbertarp, lookeen' orp ad the cruel Wooman y say,

Whadtheforghe???

You leab me, I fine' my own frien's.

I doan' need nobardy. Hear. Me.  Roar: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

Saturday, April 7, 2012

I yam my own cad


Starp borgheen' me, Wooman, I yab worgh to do. Appoin'mens to schedule. A mayor to oberthrow, my boogh to plan. Y peectures to taghe (btw, you are so fire'). Yes, go away.

An' I doan need you anymore: the Smoothman has feeghsed a throwaway labtarp yos por my personal use. I now hab a Mac. Do you? Do YOU??

No.

I deedn' theenk so.

Also, I ged more presen's than you. A cadneep mouse frarm Massachussetts y cad treads farm Beerginia.

I yam eendependen'. I yam arff the greed.

A new era has begorn.