Monday, April 30, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
The Wooman say to me, Cad?
I say, Wooman?
She say, Cad?
I say, Wooman?
She say CAD!!!: When las' deed you maghe a repor' to your eenbestors?
Your eenbestors, she say, waggeen' hor whide feenghair een my blag faze. The people who hab eenbested een you!
Oh, I say, you mean the Morney People (hack! Lo siento, I yam habeen' sorm trorble weeth thees therapeuteec cadneep).
Yes, she say. They need to see how you are doeen' an' how wisely you are spendeen' their eenbestmen'.
HOACL! HHHgghhh...sorry. I yapologice. Wha' wor you sayeen'? Whoooo! I feel goo'!
Deear Eenbestors: I yam feeleen' goo'. I yam tagheen' my drorgs, dayeeen dayooooooooud! I yam dreenkeen' muchas agua, thad ees steel the same. I yab a new neighbour grey-y-whide, you know aboud hor. Sormtime she loogh ad me frarm hor terrace, yos the ears steeckeen' orp. Bod when she see the Wooman paparazzi she ron. I know she feel. The ranch ees begeenneen' to waghe orp. I yam assembleen' my caddle for the spreeng ron.
I need a nab.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
I yam home alone. Ees nobardy here. Ees nobardy playeen' weeth me. Ees nobardy to leesten to me. The yoomans are oud, they go away, they see me por two meenutes y feed me y I yam wonnereen' why I esseest. Who is Don Estorbo? Why ees he here? Whad does eed mean?
So I seed arn the roop y I theenk y I loogh. Sormtime' I see the grey-y-whide, bod when the Wooman was arn the roop por worn meenute to water las plants, she saw me goeen' to say hello to the grey-y-whide arn the faraway roop y she clab hor hans loud ad me y say BAD cad!
I lay down flad arn the seelbertarp, lookeen' orp ad the cruel Wooman y say,
You leab me, I fine' my own frien's.
I doan' need nobardy. Hear. Me. Roar: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Starp borgheen' me, Wooman, I yab worgh to do. Appoin'mens to schedule. A mayor to oberthrow, my boogh to plan. Y peectures to taghe (btw, you are so fire'). Yes, go away.
An' I doan need you anymore: the Smoothman has feeghsed a throwaway labtarp yos por my personal use. I now hab a Mac. Do you? Do YOU??
I deedn' theenk so.
Also, I ged more presen's than you. A cadneep mouse frarm Massachussetts y cad treads farm Beerginia.
I yam eendependen'. I yam arff the greed.
A new era has begorn.