Saturday, June 27, 2009

These place looghs como ordure

...ees word my frien' Ambrosius, may he RIPee, taughd me. LOOGH whad the Wooman ees doeen' to my terrace.

She ees a peeg!


I yam geddeen' oud ob here. I mos' go an wrangle my caddle. They are free range arn the roop.

You deedn' know I had caddle? Well, I do. I hord them ad nighd. They are narghtornal caddle. I mos proteghd them frarm rostlairs. You shoul' see me orp there. I walkh larng an' theen como Cleent Eastwoo'. I shood frarm the heep. Thees ees deefeeculd eef you are a cad.
Bandido? I hab pud a bountee arn your scaryass head.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Satellide ears

I yam receibeen' seegnals. My ears are bozzeen'. Soon, I weell broadcas'...

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Kehdi

Thees ees a good esempio ob Boodheesm: rejecghd cornfort.

Thees ees Meess Kehdi een Cape Town. Peecture by Beence.

Een the cage onnerneath the keeddy, are mize made frarm wire.

War Games

Death to the streeng.

The Wooman tole mi Hermano she feel' geelty porque I hab no fancy toys. I only hab streeng.

Toys! Whad are you sayeen'? I yam nard a keedhen. I doan' need no T.o.y.s. An' the streeng??? Eed ees porbleec Enemy Numero Uno.

An' when the ratton ad the en' ees made ob Nedfleeghs eed geds berbery serioos.

Ged thad camera oud ob my faze NOW Wooman or I weell amputade your arm.

I yam forced to worgh onder corbhair.

Stealth bombhair.

You woan' know whad heed you.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Pobrecito Teddy Boy

The Wooman tole' me thad the troncaded d.a.r.g.een Cape Town, Ted the Corgi, had beeg acceeden' an' was roshd to the v.e.d.

He ran eento a smallfence een the gardhen (fence to keep stupeed dargs oud ob the flowers) an' gard pieceobfence een the eye. Selina hord heem cryeen' an' rescued heem : he was storck, weeth fence attached to heem. The People wor oud, and when they came home she tole' them whad had happen'. Meanwhile she had call' seestereenlaw ob Wooman who rosh' Ted to harspeetal.

Ted weell be OK. His eye weell be OK. He has drarps. I can' belieb I am wrideen' seempathedeec abou' canine.

Anyway. Beence send me thees heesterical an' deestorbeen' peecture ob Ted an' the Wooman frarm February. DOAN' ask me whad they wor doeen'. The Wooman says she was geebeen Ted a bath.

Looghs feeshy to me.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Nuevo York cad RIP

'Standing before the Pretty Boy memorial he made with photographs and a vase of pink peonies, Mr. Dolengowski, too, conceded that the cat’s death had broken his heart.

“You get so hard living here,” he said in a gravelly, mournful voice. “But pets open up that heart center. There is something about the unconditional love; they clean the blues off of you.

“That’s their mission. That’s why a lot of New Yorkers have pets.”'

May Preedy Boy leeb een Peas.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The bes' par' ob the day


Gimme-gimme-gimme-gimme-gimme
Peeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeds!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Northeen' stays the same.

Theen's hab change' aroun' here: I hab to be careful.

I hab to be alert. Senses awaghe. Ready por anytheen'...

Loyal, also. Well-behabe'...

Eed ees no larnghair two eemmeegran's leebeen' togethhair, me an' the Wooman.

Soddenly, I yam an alien.

Lighe a mouse en a trap.

Lighe a carckroach arn the rooptarp (speakeen' ob wheech: WHAD happen' to the carckroach I brough' home las' nighd as a geef'??? Eed was enourmoos; I had been farmeen' eed free range arn my roop por years! Deesappear. Garn...you see whad I mean? Northeen' ees safe no more).

The Wooman ees now the Boss. She ees Americana. She can keeck me oud anytime eef I doan' aghd goo'. Sen' me obhair the fence an' back to the steecks.

'Ees geebeen' me a headache.

I heerby declare arn oath, thad I absoludely, an' entirely, renounce and abjure [Que?] all allegiance and feedeleety to any foreign preence, potenate [sorry Fidel!], state or sobereignty ob whom or wheech I hab here24 been a sobyect or ceeteezen: thad I weell soppaw' and defen' the Wooman and the laws ob the Wooman agains' all eneemies, foreign an' domesteec: thad I weell bear true faith an' allegiance to the same: thad I weell bare claws arn behalp ob the same when required by hor law: thad I weel pearform narncarmbatant serbeece when require by the law ob the Wooman: thad I weell pearform worgh ob Wooman-deemed eemportance onder Yooman direcion [theese sorks] when required by the Wooman's law [Dios mio]: AND thad I taghe thees arbleegation freely, weethoud any mental reserbation, or pearpoise ob ebasion; so help me Beeg Cad een the Sky.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Smelleen' the Wooman

The Wooman came home an' wen' oud to water las plantas.

I said, STARP!

S.N.E.E.F.F!

You smell: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...


You smell lighe...a Woomancad!

A lady.

I wan' to meet hor...

NOW!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

My weeken'

I ate the Japanese grass. Again.

I threw orp. Again.

Stay away, Wooman. Thees ees my grass now. You keep your weadgrass kaka. I'm warneen' you: my lefd hook ees muy formeedable.

Sonday morneen':

I lay een bed arn the Wooman's book.

Ees boreen' book.

So self-eenbolbed.

Eed made me tired.

I relaghsed.

I thoughd abou' the mobie I wadged las' nighd: Bolt.

Ees fonny.

Abou' a stupeed d.a.r.g. an' cad weeth brain.

I lorb Nedfleeghs.

Zzzzzzz

Maybe I shoul' be een the mobies.

I can play dead, too.

I yam ready por my close-orp now.

Nighd arn the tiles

Thees ees my worl'...Thad ees my skyligh'.

I yam standeen' arn the borhair orb my roop an' the roop ob...the bandido.

I yam proteghteen' the Wooman, who ees weeak an' terrified.

The moon ees full. The bandido ees hideen'.

Oh bandiiiiiiiiido? I yam lookeen' por yooooooou.

I weell waid.

I weell keep wadge.