Monday, April 27, 2009
She say, Thees ees deenner, Estorbo.
Reeally? I say. Cound me oud. I ain' no goad. Whad ees eed anyway?
Artechoghe, she say.
He deed, when? Thad ees terreeble! You deed hine'leeck manoubhair?
Eediot, she say. Eed's a vegetable.
Oh, I say.
Remine' me: Why are we habeen' thees conbersation??
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Arn Mornday morneen' she saw me leeckeen' my righd arm, and she foun' essactly the same sore place between the wreest an' the elbow.
Two woun's, ditto, ditto.
She put arn deeseenfeghdand.
I'm telleen, you: sormbardy try' to nail me orp.
The horror, the horror...
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Porque, I as', sorprised. Eed tasdes como fresh feesh?
Eediot, she said.
Then worn day she came home weeth new grass, een two deeshes.
She put eed arn floor, and eentroduce me.
Cad? Grass. Grass? Cad.
Whad's your poin'? I asked.
What. Ebber, I say.
Eed doan' loogh righd, I say.
Een faghd, Thar's bars een them thar heells, I say.
Eediot, she say.
Too larng, she say: time to cleap!
Oy, I say.
Are there no rules agains' theese? Eed's Easthair!
Bod she cleep' them anyway. Ees quide relaghseen', como Spa.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
In the meantime I chew the new leabes ob hor Japanese grass. She geds mad. She say, You maghe thees grass ogly por lader, Estorbo! So buy me cadgrass, I soyyest, polideboice.
Fine. I weell go to farmairs' marghet tomorrow, she say.
Fine, I say. Go!
Here below ees me an' the Japanese grass las' sommer. See below my chair ees my lawn!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Ees Counsel eento barndage? Why ees she weareen' so moch hardware aroun' hor negh?
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
egh (hairball) ...
An' he say, You are the Wooman ob my dreams an' so wonnerful an BLA.B.L.A.B.L.A.
Escuse me, Hermano? I say, polidecuriousboice, eenteropteen' thees larng deestance lorf fest, bod:
Am I how you imagined me????
...silence frarm Canada.
Estorbo? he say...
Si! I reply, ears ready por the answer.
Um...are you how I imagined you? carnfusedyoomanboice.
Si, exacto! I say. Well, am I?????
Um....I deedn't eemageen you, Estorbo.
Si..? I say, bersmallboice.
Estorbo, whad do you mean?
I mean, Am I the CAD OB YOUR DREAMS?????
A leedle fadder, a leedle blagger, a leedle more hairy, maybe? Whad? Whad? Whad??? - tellmeIcantagheead!
You wor nard theenkeen' abou' me. You wor nard anteeceepateen' par' ownersheep een a cad como yo. You had no esspetations, no desire, no dreamcad.
I do. nard. madhair.
Oh. Reeally? I yam makeen' drama? Well, escyoo-o-o-o-ose me!
Si? How do you lighe your new food?
Oh. Food. Ebo ees goo'. I doanlighe the dorck so moch. Cheecken an' torkey ees good. Beef ees good. The Wooman forgard to buy beeg sorply today. Tonighd I had to eat Heells sheet. Eed was goo' too. I reeally doan' care whad I ead. The Wooman care.
Bod I do wan' cheecken soup por my soul, lighe Ikaika.
Are you feelleen' bedhair Estorbo?
I yam fine, why?
Because...you know, the cad ob my dreams, an' so on?
I hab no idea whad you are talkeen' abou'...
You lighe cads...lighe...thad? I am so sharcked.
Hermano? Thad ees...seeck!