Sunday, December 28, 2008

the bleckfootedefrican cat

this is me kehdi waiting for my ma two to come home from krismis i love ma one verri mush but i miss ma two who carries me on huh shoulduh everry morning an takes me for neps too everry aftuhnoon

i was sick a week ago an ma two took me to her flet an prayed me bettuh now i em not so wobbily but i was kwite wobbly before she prayed becaws i fell off the ledge where i like to sleep an hit my little head on the flaw an wobbled did i menshun i wobbled hey kwestion

i waitud an waitud on the doormet and marie found me an sed kehdi selina is not hyuh an i said you are a rockut signtust i no she is not hyuh but i wull wait

i em gettting old now an ma one two are verry wurried about me but what ken i do kwestion i still hev a lot to say an the utha day i tole the people how to make macaroni cheese but thets a long stori
don esboi seys there is a cat ikaika who likes me so he hes good taste an so hellow ikaika how are you kwestion
the end but not yet of me hey kwestion

Thursday, December 25, 2008

heppi krismis from the dogs

krismis is exhawsting

we got bandanas from the levi staw in new yawk this is me maggie below my brother above wuth tung has no mannus

heppi krismis estawbo marie gave us the passwerd sorry for hecking

bye

Happy Chreestmas

Before the Yoomans wen' to buy me pelleds an' nebber came bag, they gabe me presen' frarm Beloeil, Queebeg, where the seester ob Beence leebs.

Eef they deed nard geeb me these treads, I woul' be starbeen' righd now.



I weesh my frien's happy Chreestmas weeth peeace an' lorf. We are preeveelaged to hab Yoomans (sometimes, forgh...) to loogh afthair os. We mos loog afthair the Yoomans and animales weeth no one to lorf them, too.

An' thad ees the las' time you weell cadge me sayeen' sormtheen' meaneenful, OK? OK!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Waiteen'

Where ees she? I though' she was goeen' oud to ged some mas pelleds...

Maybe eef I leab my tail lighe thees por larng enorf I weel cadge a feesh...

Sigh.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

My Day

Fors' we had breakfas' een bed. Actually, I had breakfas' ad 4.55am. The Wooman was grompee because the neighbors downstair' had pardee lade. She was bedhair after I keess hor weeth my cole' wed nose.

Then I practees my braille. You never know when you weell meed a bline' person.


Then we play een the duvet while she ees doeen' laundry. Eed ees goo' place to hont the reebon weeth the forgheen' bell...

Then she coogh deener an' I tell hor she ees magneefecend, an' hope she geeb me smallbide ob porkcharp.


My gard. Tonighd the Man arribe. Where weell he sleep? There ees no spaze por three een the bed. I know, we try before.

Floor ees good, no?

Monday, December 8, 2008

Cothbairt, R.I.P. [Beeg meestaghe]


I deed nard chegh my mail por too larng:

Arn Novembhair thortieth, my friend' Cothbairt, brorder of Clarence, pass' away een Eenglan'. He was only eighd. He was a byoodeeful cad. He gard the cancer ob the keedney. Poor Clarence an' their Wooman are berbery sad.

I yam berbery sad, too.

Ed 12/17/08: I yam crazy. Cothbairt ees alibe! Clarence has passed! Trudy showed me my meestaghe! The keeng ees dead. Long leeb the keeng. I hab gained an' larst a friend. My beeg apologies, Diane...

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Speedy 'Storbito

La la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[Por essplanation pleease regard bideo. An' please, leesten while you read. Ees eemportant. Ees my song. Essept the Wooman an' Beence say thad Speedy Gonzales ees Bushytail Gonzales an' ees raccoon. An' I yam Dominican, nard Mexican...]



So.

Where hab I been? you as'...

The Wooman has been oud ob eed. I mean deestraghded dos nard eben beegeen to describe eed.

Fors' there are these beecious rumours thad she ees leabeen' me with STRANGEHAIRS por two mornths. I doan' belieb eed. I hab nard eben seen a suitcase. No, she ees worka worka worka ebery day eben weeken's. I yam negleghted. The house ees negleghted. I was attaghed een my sleep by a dos' bonny.

The dos' bonny was negleghted.

So I say to hor. Eenorf ees eenorf. I yam goeen' to clean the bathroom. I hab certain standards. I yam a cad.

My gard.

Where do I begeen?

Ess-cuse me: you loogh ad me weeth straighdfaze an' tell me you cleaned thees place las' week? When las' deed you scrob thees bath?

You realize you need new caulkeen' een the cornhair?

Do I gard a few theen's to tell you!

Seet down. Pour yourself a dreenk. You gonna need eed.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Cad House arn the Keengs



My Gard. Who cleans orp???

I yam an only cad. Whad woul' eed be lighe to hab 699 brorders an' seesters???
You see these are happy cads. Why? Because their tails are straighd orp een the air.

Cleeck here to read more abou' the lady whad looghs after so many cads an eben d.a.r.g.s...

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Chinatown Story

Frarm NYTimes Metrarparleetan Diary

Dear Diary:

Most mornings before work, my dog, Mooshi, and I stroll through Columbus Park in Chinatown. Recently, a group of men were playing Hacky Sack there. Mooshi, who is used to seeing elderly Chinese men performing tai chi, was intrigued by this new game, and kept staring at the men.

But it wasn’t the Hacky Sackers who had caught Mooshi’s attention: it was the little white rabbit chewing the grass next to them. As a native New Yorker, I’m not surprised by the unusual, but a rabbit? In Chinatown?


Mooshi ran toward the unknown creature, barking. Soon, a shirtless and muscular Hacky Sacker jogged toward us. I assumed he wanted to know why Mooshi was barking in their direction, or maybe he wanted to share a laugh about the rabbit.

Instead, he stopped a few inches away from me and, with a stern face, looking me straight in the eyes, said, “Get your dog away from my bunny!”

Lillian Baharestani

Monday, December 1, 2008