Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Anyway: I doan' see no foldhair call' Meals Por Estorbo.
Because eed woul' loogh como thees: Pelleds. Pelleds. Pelleds. Pelleds. P.e.l.l.e.d.s.
Two weeghs ago the Wooman boughd FULLFAD meelk, Wholemeelk. My Gard. She poot sorm een my saucehair an' I sorked eed orp lighe nobady's beesnees. Thees ees DELEECIOUS, I said. Then she say, Estorbo, thees meelk ees makeen' me fad: eed has 140 calories per corp an' Nofad has 80 calories per corp.
Boo hoo, I said. Drarp an' geeb me feefty.
No, reeally, she said, I'm goeen' bag to Nofad.
Eed toogh me won weegh to dreenk the storf again. Ebery day she pour some meelk afthair my breakfas' and I loogh ad eed. Dreenk, Estorbo, she say. No! I say. Dreenk, she soyyest. NO! I stan' firm. An' I can stan' preedy firm.
This morneen' I saw the meelk barx an' I deed my meelkdance een hope. She poured. NoFad. Bod I drank.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Eed ees steell espereemen' an' I was nard poree' berbery loudly.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Bod as our country ob domicile demonstrades, demarcrassy ees a failed espereemen' an' so I say, the resolt ob the poll weell be deesregarded!
The raccoon stays! I stay!
Libe goes arn.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Always ees' lighe thees.
Then she walgh down the stairs, and down the streed an' roun' the cornhair, bomp, bomp, bomp, and I yam sayeen' Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? The Bandido Raccoon deed nard bide me, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? She say, Bairder safe, Storbie, than sari.
Ugh! I said. Bomp, bomp, bomp.
Then I go quied. I can smell the ved.
An' I smell sormetheen' else.... a....d.a.r.g.
A darg whad has pooped een eed's pands arn the floor. Sheet. An' I mean eed. Thad darg. Man. Foooeee!
Dargs: eberbardy togethair now: "WHO. NEEDS. THEM???"
Room Nomber Two.
I waid por Dr Maddox, the beeg blag ved. Hees helper taghes me oud by the scroff ob my negh.
Wow. Says the ved.
Wow ees righd, I theenk. Tremble before the form ob DON Estorbo de la Bodega Dominicana!
Thad ees a beeg, blag cad, say the ved.
You can talk, I theenk.
Eenjection for Mad Bandido disease een the bagside. Ow! Ay!
My ears cleaned. Ees thees a spa???
He torn me orpside down an' stroghe my tommy!
I wan' to go HOME! NOW!
Led's weigh heem, he say. He weigh 20 lbs say the Wooman. I wan' to weigh heem on MY scale says the gran' ved.
Tole' you so, say' the Wooman.
He looghs ber' good, say the ved. Thees weel nebber be a small cad.
We wen' home.
Tonighd? I fine' thad rad weeth a fancy tail an' faze an' I corm bag weeth a nice had.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Baggroun' to Story:
Beence send por me weeth the Wooman, feathairs.
Eenstead ob feesh.
!, !!!! ----?????????
So today, afthair the Wooman eenseested thad the Cable Guy mos' steell carm, an' I fled the house screameen' FIRE!FIRE!FIRE! Ron por your libe, and she yos wen' keeddee, keeddee, keeddee, doan' worree, eed's yos the cable guy, an' I screeamed, Yes, I KNOW eed's the Cable Guy, thad's my poin', Ron! Ron! - sabe yourselb, he weell born the plaze down, and she kepd talkeen' to the Cable Guy an' I yam screameen' frarm the terrace an' tryeen to sabe hor LIBE, and they loogh ad me, and the Cable Guy says, weell he yomp frarm the roop?, and I say YES!!! I weell yomp frarm the roop eef I mos', bod I mos sabe the Wooman fors': Gedoudobmy haaaaaaaooooooouuuuuuuuuuuse YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
He lefd. The freeckeen' cable ees workeen' permanent now.
Then I needed stress reliep:
So the Wooman gabe me the feathairs again frarm Bancouber to chew.
I yam so...
I keelled them. They are dead. There was no bord eenside them. Yos' straw.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
An' when she came bag I washed to loogh oneenterested.
Then I gabe due carnseederation to the geeft Beence send me. Eco-friendly bord feathers.
Tonighd before the Wooman gabe me my deenner (pelleds: deleecious, nutreetious pelleds, dayeen, dayoud), I was walkeen' roun' and roun' een essitemend and my tail gard onder the cable for the cable barx - the leedle barx whad was dead. No lighds, no bleenk-bleenk green lighds. Muerte. Cable dead. Compudhair dead. An' I pulled the cable barx to the floor, BAM!
Estorbo! cries the Wooman, You hab broken the cable barx some more!
Como? I as'...eed was DEAD!
Pleease, I as', niceboice, to loogh ad eed?
She looghs ad eed arn the floor.
!!!!! She said.
The lighds! Green! Bleenk bleek bleenk!
An' thad, my friends. Ees all I hab to say. Onteel the neghs' pose'...
A meenute ob silence, pleease.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Arn Satorday a MAN weell carm to feex eed. I weel hide behine' the fileen' cabineds.
I. Weell. Be. Bag.
Pee Ess. I was glad ot see hor. I porred como un locomoteeb. An' I slepd arn top ob hor.