Sunday, August 31, 2008
Then I when bag to bed. So tired.
Hey: whad do you wan'? No, seriously, I yam sleepeen'. Taghe eed oud ob my faze.
I can steell see you. See my preeckers een my paws? Watch oud, Wooman, or I geeb you fazeleeft.
I yam nard keeddeen'...
Bag a-way farm the paw. I weel maghe you cry.
What? My feed are beeg? Loogh who's talkeen'! Who yos bought two pairs Size 11 I.t.a.l.i.a.n. boods??? You coul' ski arn those theen's.
I hab beeg bones. I yam a hontair.
BTW: you bedhair taghe a lard ob moolah to Canada becos my leest ees nearlee feeneesh'. OK?
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Bod thees ees my roop ad nighd. Weeth the WOOMAN shining brighlighd an' shoween' my prey, Hello! Blag cad ober here! Blag cad arn the loose! Ron, Ron por your libes!
Bod my roop ees beeg an' I ron ober all the neighboureen' roops, too, honteen' por the deleecious snags.
Las' nighd I caught the bes' one: ees lighe...wasabi peas por yoomans:
The she toog a lard ob bad peectures.
You loogh lighe a cicadaa, I yam gonna cadge you! You loogh lighe a cicadaaaa! Bod yos nard so preedy, as a cicadaa, wheech ees bery gree-een, you are bery...brow-ow-n, an' I woul' nard eead you, becos you weell tasde bad, bod I'm gonna cadge you...!
The Wooman yos slabbed me.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
I say to eed, polide: Hello?
Eed say northeen'. Yos seet there. I say, HELLO?? ESCUSE ME?? They doan' teach you no manners een the plantas sharp?
Eet seet there, green. Sheet, I say.
BUENOS DIAS! I scream, maybe eed ees deaf an' nard Anglo.
Green, quiet. Eed no say nada. So I walghe away. My morder, bless hor soul, tole' me, You can always walk away, Keetten, there ees no shame een eed.
So I go to my grass. Eed ees friendly, lighe me, and came frarm nowhere, lighe me. Also eed ees onruly.
Nard a forgheen' peep.
I say to the Wooman. Why you buy thees grass?? Eed has no manners.
Eed ees Japanese, she says, Eed no onnerstan' you.
Does ead lighe feesh? I as'?
Thad ees a racial stereotybe, she says.
Whad, eed no lighe to ead sushi? I as', wide-eyes.
Actuallee, cad, she say, Sushi ees fish AN' rice, sashimi ees feesh.
Tomorrow I weell geeb eed a sardine. We weell be frien's. An' eef we are nard, I weell keell eed.
Tonighd I weel station myself arn the roop to hont. Eed looghs lighe a good nighd por eed. I weell breeng the Wooman a presen'...
Friday, August 8, 2008
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Becos, she said, I hab food.
Okie dokie say Lennie an' Sollie.
Whad ees the occasion, they as'...You are nine, eed ees your borthday, says their Wooman.
Oh, say Lennie and Sollie, or Sollie an' Lennie, Cool. Coul' you pass the cheese?
The d.a.r.g has a blarg. Amazeen'. Cormeen' soon.
Bod Nomber Two: Total Fage Yogurt made in GREECE: Delicioso! Muy rico. I ead eed and scrape the bardam ob the bowl an' ged my wheeskers een a mess. I led you know abou' Nomber Three tomorrow.
Tonighd also I weell try the mango. I lorf mango.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
I had to waid por the Wooman to carm home from worgh for my blordee pardy.
These wor my presends:
Fresh keeddee leeder, my faboureed, Fresh Step.
New Streeng and brown paper mouse ad end.
Sardines frarm Morocco...FEESH!
Peach yoghurt, three kine's because she coul' nard fine' my faboureed, Breyers. She say I try today or I weell be seeck.
Fors' I had some ripe kiwi. I yam use' to habeen' thees after deenner so eed was strange as appetizer...
Then I looghed ad my yoghurt.
An' read the label arn my FEESH!
Happee, happee, borthday....
Monday, August 4, 2008
Lader they weell make- orpchock.
The Wooman says tonighd ees my pardee.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Soddenly I star' to howl.
SMOGHE! EBERYBARDY OUD OB THE BUILDEEN' NOW!
Are you crazy, I pant! Ged your passport! Ged my Onnatracteev Grey Barx! Ged the credeet card! We mos' leab.
911! Are they here yed????
You are! I scream....I weell be eenceeneraded. Or you weell be, an' then where weell I go???
Storbie, she say, loogh, I hab taken the peppers oud. They are roasted, the oben ees arf, the smoghe alarm deed nard eben peep.
Maybe eeds baddery ees flad, I pant.
No, she say, loogh, no flames.
Bod remember the time you lefd the gas arn an' when' to bed an' I howled an' sabed you?
Yes, I do, she say, an' I yam etornally gradeful, bod theese ees deefferend.