Sunday, April 27, 2008

Ad las'!


My CadCam uses a lard ob jugo, man. One treeple AAA baddery por every session. Ees bad. So Beence, my hombre, sent a rechargeable sed ob batteries weeth charghair. I can use then again an' again an' again an' again an' again an' again an' Ow!

Fors' I am feetted oud weeth my equeepmend: eed onsnabs eef I ged stork. I nebber ged stork.

An' the the Wooman tells me, Go somewhere essiteen'! Go to the neighbours, Estorbo, go to see the sonset, the dawn, the raccoon, the carckroaches, the peegeeons. Are you crazee, I as' hor? Do you theenk I wan' you an' 11 order people to know where I go, whad I do, weeth wheech and to whom? No! I yam an artees'...I loogh ad form, stroctchair, mood.


I call theese: Forebodeen' Sky ob Eell Omen

What? No! eed's nard forgheen' sushi, eeds' art!


Red Wall Reflecteen' my Honger


The Feeg: Desolade Seelhouette of Forbeeden Fruid


Thank you very moch. Si, I know, your chile' coul' do thees. Bod the meaneen', the years ob esperience, the relleenquisheen' an' then olitamade dissolution ob teghnique...no, only a Master ees capable ob thees. An' thad Master woul' be me.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Miaow

I woghe the Wooman yos before 2am. Porque? I was hongree. She tole' me to go bagh to sleep. Then she had a fighd weeth the mosqido ned. Then I woghe hor at 6am. Why? I was more hongree. She stombled oud ob bed.

She say, Sheet! I say: ?

Then I say, You hab dorn eed again, haben't you?

Yes, she say, I hab. Sheet.

You hab ron oud ob pelleds again, hab you nard?

Si, she say, I hab. Doan' worry.

Do I loogh worry'? I as'...

She open the corpboard. She open the drawer. She make-a click soun'.

WHAD?????

She starts to open a teen ob ....FEESH! Toona. For humans. Frarm Spain, een arleeb oil.

......! .......

Eed ees a dream. I peench myself. Ees deefeecolt. I hab no opposeen' thombs. I steeck myself weeth a claw. OW! I yam awaghe. Eed's real.

Ugh, she says, Estorbo, 6am ees to orly to be smelleen' toona.

Forghedabou'eed, I say, geeb eed to me!

My Gard.

While I ead, she goes bagh to bed.

Tonighd? same theen'. Again she forgheds the pelleds. Yippee! An' you know whad thad means: toona for breakfas'.

I lorf the pope, man!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Las Plantas

The Wooman receibed some bolbs frarm the Wes' Coas' today an she onpaghed them thees ebeneen' when she came home. I helped.

I theenk I see a darg...


Thees bolb was named after me, you see:


She tells me eef I use the empty part whad now has leelly bolbs een eet por a toilet she weell keell me.
The End.

Monday, April 14, 2008

My poind ob biew

She keeps telleen' me, Estorbo, Go! be free! Do sormetheen' eenteresteen' weeth your CadCam! She doan' realize I yam a ZenCad. I seet. I theenk.


The lacey leabes ob the rose maghe shadows...


These tar-painded cornair ob the roop ees so scolptural.

I reeally respeghd the angles ob thees tar-painded cornair. You shoul' see the order twenny peectures I toogh ob eed.

Downtown Brookleen een the ebeneen' lighd. I weesh I had a pelled weeth me.

Thees sky looghs omeenoos.

Maybe she has some more pelleds eenside...

She say, Estorbo! You are boreen'. Doan' you go nowhere? Doan' you remembair the time you gard larst an' I had to rescue you een the abando' buildeen' down [orp? I soggest?] the crazee fire escapbhe? Si, I say, I remembair, and I was nard larst. Afthair thorty seex hours you wor nard larst, she say ? No, I was nard, I say. I was medeetadeen'. You eenterropted me when you clime' down the fire escapbe and carry me arn your shoulder bagh orp to the roop arn the crazee fire escapbhe. Why deed you nard taghe the stairs?

I deedn't know there wor any, she replies.

So whaddayou gonna do? I say. I yam a cad. Ees thad a pelled onder the freedge?

Saturday, April 12, 2008

My weegh



Fors', I resded...Beence made me berbery tired. So moch adbenture. So moch attention. So moch storf to carry aroun' my negh...He toogh thees peecture because the Wooman tole' heem I loogh como a beeg, blagh torkey. He deed nard agree. He tole' hor thad a cad my size shoul' ead more then a teeny carfee corp ob pelleds ebery day.



Cleeck. You're arn CadCam...

I mos' exercise!


I yam a panther. Een a zoo. When's deenner?



Eh...are you goeen' to ead thad?

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Welcarm to my worl'...

At las', I yab been geeben a boice: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

No, nard thad one. Thad one deesappeared weeth my cojones.

Thees one. The libe behine' the lens. Pleease, loogh ad whad an eye I yab.

Below: Keetchen steel libe frarm behine' an orange basket.



Holy Sheet. Thees man ees beeg. Doan' heet me!!!!!!!!





Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Arn assignmend


Beence sent to me, an' we onpaghed thees weekend, my Meester Lee Catcam! Eed's cool.

Fors', I had to train weeth a collar. Easy. Beence boughd for me especal snabcollar so I no choghe to death. Eed had a bell. I wanted to keell the bell. So they keelled eed for me. How the forgh do you hont carckroaches weeth a bell goeen' teenkleteenkle heeeere carms Estorbo to keell you?????



Me weareen' my new camera. Eed ees arna timer, so I can taghe action peecs all the time. Waid teell you see how excideen' my life reeally ees.



Waideen' for the meelion dollar shart...



Monday, April 7, 2008

I can dance



1. The roas' cheecken dance.


2. The pellet dance.


3. The meelk dance.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Har' day ad the orifice

OK, I say to hor, Eed's time to pay the beells. No, really, I'm nard keedeen', I hab been loogheeen' ad them, an' you shoul' pay. Yes, I open' them! Eed's nard my beesnees to open the beells? Whyporque? I leeb here. I wan' to make sure they doan' sweetch arf the gas. I need warm meelk een the morneen'. I'm nard kiddeen'. Pay the beells.


Ok: I'll be cute. Pay. The. Beells. There are only four. Pay them. How do I know there are four?? I counted them! I cannard count? Are you keedeen' me? I ged 47 pelleds ebery day for deenner! I yam deelusional? Maybe, bod nard abou' pelleds. Speakeen' ob delusions:escuse me?? Hello? Who ees speakeen'? No, I'm serious. Who ees speakeen'. Who ees reeally speakeen'? Nard me! I yam a cad. I cannard speak! I yam een your head! You are talkeen' to yourself.

Are you talkeen' to me?


Corm closer. I need to tell you sormtheen': you made. me. orp. Yes. I doan' esseest. Why yam I arn the bed eef doan' esseest?

......

Sheet.

You mean I do esseest? Ok. So, are you goeen' to pay the beells?

When you are feeneesh', weell you read me a story? I doan' lighe stories? How do you know? - because you own me? OWN ME?! You do nard OWN me. I stay here because...because...becausethereeesabagobpelledsondertheseenk!!!

News Two


Ees berbery sad. We read the deleecious food blarg, Las' Nighd's Deenner, and Meess Hen has larst hor belorbed cad...so we sen' our lorf an' cad soppor' to hor. We are ber' sorry.

News One


News One ees essiteen' an' distorbeen' ad the same time. Meester Lee's Cadcam arribed, but the Wooman wond open eed. She ees waiteen' por Beence to geeb technical suppor'. Een the meantime she ees traineen' me to carry eed aroun' my negh by tyeen' me orp een preedy scarbs. My gard. I doan need trainen'. I yam nard a keetten! An' Beence ees breengeen' por me a snab-collar - so eef I ged stock (I nebber ged storck) een sometheen', eed onsnabs so I woan' hang myself frarm the negh teell I die.


Ees true.